Bonham had his arm around a tall blonde with possibly the biggest boobs I’d ever seen. She was thin, which made them look even bigger. His hand rested low on her hip and given her pose, it was like her breasts were trying to smother his face. They weren’t touching his face, but it wasn’t for lack of trying.
That was when all of those insecurities I’d pushed down earlier came rushing back.
This woman was probably more his speed. This woman was probably as freaky as he could ever want someone to be. I hated myself for making these assumptions about her, but the way she was pressing her body against his and making sure all the right places jiggled along with the fact that his hand kept sliding farther down her hip painted a picture that even this former virgin could understand.
How could I compete with that?
“What’s wrong?” Lexi asked, sounding concerned. I could only imagine the look on my face and it probably wasn’t good.
Bonham was oblivious as he laughed at something Van said.
I couldn’t do this.
This is what I was going to think about every night as I lay in bed, knowing that he was out here meeting fans who wanted… well, everything from him. Lexi was lucky. She got to be here with her boyfriend and get constant reassurance while I was sometimes thousands of miles away.
Bonham couldn’t reassure me from there and honestly, I didn’t want to be the kind of girl he had to reassure.
We just weren’t evenly matched, I supposed. He would’ve been better off falling for Delaney. She was so much more carefree.
“I can’t be here,” I whispered, then I turned to walk away. She called my name but didn’t follow me.
I hurried toward where I knew Delaney’s car would be. Without the keys, I wouldn’t be able to do much other than stand there and wait for her, but at least I wouldn’t be there.
When I got to her car, I leaned against it, braced my hands on my knees, and took several deep breaths.
This shouldn’t have been affecting me the way it was, but damn, I couldn’t help it. My heart was beating too fast and my eyes burned. Damn. Delaney should be getting here any minute. The concert had to be over, right? Still, I didn’t want to ruin this night, where she’d get to meet two of her favorite bands.
“Jurnie,” Bonham called out. His feet thumped a beat against the pavement. “Jurnie,” he called again, then he came to a sudden stop when he saw me. That was when I stood up again. “Hey, what’s going on?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine.” It was a lie, but I didn’t want him to worry about me and I didn’t want to reveal this ugly side to my thoughts. I really wished we were back in his hotel room, just the two of us.
This was stupid, yet I couldn’t stop my feelings.
“What’s going on?” he asked again, stopping directly in front of me and wrapping his hands around my upper arms.
I had to say something. “I couldn’t stay there and watch that happen.”
His brows turned down. “Watch what happen?”
Now my eyes filled with tears, but damnit, I wasn’t going to let them fall. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
“I am worried about it. You have to talk to me, Jurnie. I can’t fix whatever this is if you won’t talk to me.”
A pregnant silence hung between us while I figured out what I was going to do. He was right, but I wasn’t sure he could fix it either way. So I cleared my throat in the hopes that I wouldn’t sound like I was falling apart. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Do what?”
“Watch women fall all over you. See them trying to smother you with their boobs. See you with your hands on them.” I shook my head. “Wonder if they’d be more for you than I can be. Worry that they’d do things for you that I haven’t. All of it.”
“Where the fuck is this coming from?” There wasn’t any anger in his words as he moved closer to me.
“The women, Bonham. The woman. Tonight specifically the beautiful blonde, who I’m pretty sure would’ve gone back to your bus and done anything you wanted her to. Anything. If you asked.”
“But I didn’t fucking ask, did I?”
I shook my head. He didn’t understand where I was coming from and how could he? I barely understood it, outside of knowing this wasn’t a feeling I ever wanted to repeat. There was a weight on my chest and I was pretty sure I was going to throw up in the near future.
“No. You didn’t. But your hand was on her hip and… listen, I’m not saying any of this is logical, outside of the fact that I have zero experience in any of this. I don’t know how this is supposed to make me feel, other than knowing how it does make me feel.”
“I have to do meet and greets.”
“I know that,” I snapped, making him drop his hands and take a step back.
“I was pushing her away,” he said quietly. “I swear to fucking everything that I was pushing her away. She was just incredibly persistent and I wanted to get it over with. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”
What about my feelings? was what I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. “I’m sure you were,” I said instead, but I hadn’t seen it. Had I ignored that part? I didn’t think so, but he was saying he pushed her away.
I didn’t know what to think anymore. All of this had happened so fast and I’d just thrown myself into it without much thought, other than how he made me feel. Even before sex, he’d made me
