Both Delaney and I were camped out on the couch in her living room watching a few dumb romantic comedies. It might’ve been an odd choice since I’d just broken up with my first real boyfriend but I wanted to laugh. Delaney wanted me to laugh. We were both in shorts and a tank top pajama sets. I’d brushed my hair and she’d twisted hers up into a bun. There was a giant bowl of popcorn between us.
“We have to talk about what happened,” Delaney said. We weren’t even fifteen minutes into the third movie when she demanded I cut my heart open so she could see what was inside.
“Have to?” I asked.
“Yes. You were so upset when you got into my car.” She wasn’t wrong. I’d been incredibly upset. “I don’t even know why. What did Bonham do? Did he hurt you?”
I groaned, knowing that I couldn’t let her think what she was thinking. “He didn’t hurt me physically. I think I’m a little emotionally bruised.”
“What happened, Jurnie? I’m kind of freaking out over here.” She turned on the couch to face me. “I didn’t think your first boyfriend would necessarily lead to wedded bliss, but come on. You two are perfect for each other, so what gives? Did you break up?”
“No.” That hadn’t been part of the conversation at all. “Wait. What if he thinks that? I just want some time to think. To be real with myself over whether I think I can really do this with him. Do you think he thought I broke up with him?”
“He did look pretty defeated when he walked away.”
I dropped my head back against the couch. “Damn it. I went back with Lexi, as you know, and they were doing this meet and greet.” Taking a breath to buy me time, I wasn’t proud of the way this sounded. Like I was a green-with-jealousy monster who couldn’t trust her boyfriend. It wasn’t a good look on me, but maybe that was me. Maybe jealousy was part of me. I didn’t know. I’d never done this before.
“Anyway,” I continued, “we got back there and they were taking pictures with fans and there was this one woman basically plastered to Bonham. It hit me wrong. Like being run over by a train or something. I don’t know. I couldn’t stay there and watch.”
“She was pretty?” Delaney asked as if that mattered, but let’s be real, it probably did.
“I guess.” I shrugged. “Yes, fine, but she was also tall and thin with really big… How do I know that’s not what he wants? How do I know that he’s not missing whatever freaky stuff he used to do on the road?”
She snickered but tried to cover it up. I heard and in the moment all I could do was scowl at my sister. “Try some of the freaky stuff, Jurnie. You might just like it.”
“That’s not the point.”
“I know. I was trying to bring some levity to this situation.” Delaney set the popcorn bowl on the coffee table and scooted toward me. “Did he push her away?”
“He says he did.”
“But you didn’t see it, I take it,” she said. I shook my head. “You know him pretty well, even though it hasn’t been long. What do you think?”
It didn’t take me long to answer that. “If he said he did, then he probably did.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Sighing, I looked up at her. “I don’t know if I can do this. Be here while he’s wherever and know that women are all over him like that. It’s part of his job, for crying out loud. I don’t like them touching him in any way and I think that makes me sound like a psycho. I never thought I was this insecure.”
Now she snickered again, though this time she didn’t try to hide it. “It doesn’t make you sound like a psycho. And you’re not insecure. You’re human. It makes you sound like a girlfriend. No girlfriend wants some woman’s hands all over her boyfriend. No matter how innocent it is. Did you tell him that?”
“In the parking lot?” I asked. She nodded. “I think so. Ugh. I’m going to have to talk to him about this, aren’t I?”
“Unfortunately. Especially since in your case, communication is key. Before you do, you should answer a few questions yourself.”
“Like?”
“Is this what you want from life? Being upset like this when he’s on the road and you’re wondering who’s around him?”
“No. And I don’t want to be his babysitter.” I took a quick drink of my pop. “As a matter of fact, last week was perfect. I didn’t worry about what he was doing at all, but I guess it was because I hadn’t seen it.”
“That was probably rough, I’m sure, but think about this, Jurnie. If he wanted that, why would he be with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“If he wanted the tall blonde with the big… whatever, why would he be with you? Why would he call you and text and Snapchat and get a hotel for the two of you when he has a perfectly good apartment here? Why would he be trying to get you to answer his messages when you told him you had to think? I’ve obviously seen his name pop up on your phone while we’ve been sitting here. Why would he do any of that when he just as easily could have told you he’d had a nice time while he’d been in town and moved on?”
“I don’t know.”
She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “Come on. You do too.”
After letting out a frustrated growl, I told her, “He said that he loves me.”
She slid a finger behind her ear and said, “What was that?”
“He said that
