I probably hadn’t loved him like this last week.
“You saying that you were pushing them away doesn’t change anything, Bonham.” I brought my voice back to normal, given that half the parking lot probably had already heard us. “It doesn’t. I’m sorry. I love you and we’re going to be apart most of the time and that just made me feel…” I shrugged. “Insignificant.”
“Fuck.” He thrust his hands into his hair. “I’m sorry, Jurnie. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”
“I know,” I said quietly. Never had it crossed my mind that he’d done anything intentionally. I didn’t think that either of us had missed the fact that I’d said that I loved him. It hadn’t been my intention, but if I was putting myself out there with all of this, I might as well put it all out there. “I think I just need some time to calm down and really think about all this.”
“I don’t want you to leave.” He took that step closer at the same time my sister stopped at her car, out of breath. She’d obviously been running as well.
Delaney looked from Bonham to me and raised an eyebrow. She wouldn’t interfere unless I needed her to but she also wouldn’t leave me alone in case I needed her.
“I have to,” I said. “Just to clear my head.”
It didn’t stop him from coming to me and placing his hands on my cheeks. Bonham leaned in so that all I could see was him. “I love you, Jurnie.” Then he kissed me. This one wasn’t like the others that all seemed to want to lead somewhere. No, this one was simple and sweet yet conveyed everything he was feeling at the same time. His hands held me tightly until I broke away.
His kisses were intoxicating and would’ve easily convinced me to not leave yet, but I needed to. This relationship shit was all new to me and I needed a minute.
Bonham walked away with his hands jammed into his pockets. He didn’t glance back and it took everything in me to get into my sister’s car.
“What happened?” she asked after she got the car started.
“Just go, please.”
Being my sister, she did exactly what I needed her to do. She got me out of that parking lot and away from all the craziness.
Maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this life. Even if that thought killed me.
28
Bonham
Walking away from Jurnie had my body screaming. Fucking screaming that I was doing the wrong thing by giving her what she was telling me she needed. But if she fucking needed it, then she needed it.
For the first time since we’d joined this tour, I hated that we were pulling out in fucking minutes. Leaving Detroit, where Jurnie was, for the next city. It was the dream, yet here I was sitting on the bus couch with my third beer resting on my knee.
I hadn’t gone back to the meet and greet after she’d left. Hadn’t actually talked to anyone, either. I knew that wasn’t going to last, given the fact that my fucking brothers didn’t know how to take a hint. This was bullshit.
Finally find a woman I could see going the distance with, given how much I loved her already, and she might not be able to handle my job. I didn’t want to give up either.
“What’s your problem?” Van asked after he dropped down out of his bunk.
“Why the fuck are you here?”
He smiled and put his hands on his hips. “Excuse me?”
“You usually ride on Lawson’s bus. Why are you here?”
“Bri met up with Daisy tonight. They wanted a girls’ night.”
“Your girl doesn’t know her.” I was taking my shitty mood out on my twin brother. Another win for me tonight.
“Obviously, that’s why they wanted to be alone.” He snorted. “She even tried to get Lawson to ride on here with us, but he instead promised to stay out of their way. Said he’d take a bunk and stay there.”
“Anything to not ride with us, huh?”
He held his hands out. “Can you blame him? Even if he didn’t know about your sunny disposition tonight, why the fuck would he ride with us? We haven’t exactly made him feel welcome.”
“That’s mostly you.”
“I fucking know that,” Van snapped. “But I won’t apologize for looking out for our sister.”
He had me there. It was something we’d all done since the day she’d been born, like a pack of fucking rabid dogs that were protecting their little girl because she was all of ours.
“So what the fuck’s your problem?” he asked again while grabbing his own beer from the fridge. He popped the can and drained almost half of it. When he saw my questioning look, he explained, “Figure I have to catch up with you. What’s that? Three? Four?”
“Fuck off,” I said. We’d always been able to tell how much the other had drunk just by looking at him. It was a twin talent, I supposed.
“Damn. Something bad must be going on. Did you get your nuts caught in your zipper again?”
My hard façade cracked into what could’ve been called the whisper of a smile. “I’d like to remind you that that was Daltrey and he was eight.”
“Oh, right. I always forget that.” Van dropped into the chair across from me and slapped my knee. “Now seriously. What’s wrong? You know I’m not going to stop until you tell me.”
Yup. I did know that, so I sighed and readjusted myself on the couch. “Jurnie left and it wasn’t on good terms.”
“Oh, shit, really?” he asked. He waited for my nod. “Sorry, man. Of all your girlfriends, I liked her the most.”
“Me fucking too.” I took
