“No!” I shove away, glaring between him, my brother, and the woman I don’t even know.
“Alicia.” My brother steps forward.
“Stop! Okay!” I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. “Stop trying to pretend this is okay.”
“Maybe I should go?” Lucía offers.
“No,” Ricky says, his face stern. “You deserve to be here as much as any one of us.”
“I can’t believe you brought her here.” Panic quickens my breath and my mouth feels too dry. “She might be blood, but that doesn’t make her family.”
“You need to go take a walk,” Ricky commands, raising his voice. “Get some air.”
“I just got here,” I practically shout.
“Well, you’re acting like an entitled asshole, so go take a walk.” He turns his back to me and walks to Lucía, comforting her with an embrace.
My jaw falls open. Watching my brother offer her comfort after berating me pushes me over the edge. I can’t be here. I storm out of the room, passing the elevators and shoving into the stairwell. I take each step like I’m in a race to the first floor, but really, it’s in vain. There’s no way to escape my thoughts or the rage swirling inside my chest.
Chase follows behind. He’s silent but for the echo of his footfalls on the cement stairs. He hasn’t said much since we found my family.
I feel as though the walls are closing in, even after we push out into the lobby. I stomp out the sliding front door and away from the building, struggling to catch my breath. “Can you believe that?” I spin around and throw my hands toward the hospital tower. I sound hysterical even to my own ears, but it doesn’t stop me. “What the fuck were my brothers thinking?”
He doesn’t answer, his jaw tight and gaze not meeting mine.
“Chase?”
His jaw works back and forth. “Did you mean what you said back there?”
I don’t understand what he means. He almost appears angry. I shake my head.
“Because I’m trying to figure out if I’m as expendable as Lucía.”
Fuck. “That isn’t the same.”
“But isn’t it? Our son doesn’t know me. I’m practically a stranger. Does that mean I don’t belong? If, God forbid, something happened to bring him to the hospital, would my feelings and opinions matter?”
I swallow hard. The truth of his accusation is bitter on my tongue. “Chase.”
“I deserve to be more than a bystander in our son’s life, Alicia.” His eyes are hard and cold. “And I want a partner who respects me.”
“I wasn’t talking about us. Or Matthew.” My excuses lack conviction, as does my anger from before.
“But you’re so quick to lash your anger on a woman who’s basically been hidden in another country her entire life by your father. Where’s your compassion? Where’s the person who fought for her sobriety? Do you even believe in redemption or second chances?”
“Chase,” I beg, reaching for him.
He steps back, his palms up. “No. I want to be here for you, I do. But I need a minute.” He shakes his head. “Maybe you’re not the person I thought you were.”
“Don’t you dare.” Righteousness fills my chest. He doesn’t know me. Hasn’t grown up in my family. He doesn’t get to come in and make judgments about me or the shit I went through. The armor I’ve used to survive reconstructs around my heart. “You don’t understand. You have no idea!”
“Then tell me why you went off on that woman in there? She’s worried and waiting for her dad to come out of surgery, the same as you.”
“Fuck you.” The insult flies from my mouth.
He rears back. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t need to explain myself. You don’t get it. Fine. You probably don’t want to be here. So leave, then.” I gesture toward the lot of parked cars. “Thanks for the ride, but I don’t need you. I’ve been surviving without you just fine.”
“That’s really how it’s gonna be?” He folds his arms over his chest. “After everything, you want to throw us away all over again?”
No. No, that’s not what I want at all but I can’t admit that. “Damn it, Chase. I can’t do this right now. Not after the last twenty-four hours. My mom is a wreck. My dad is . . . My dad is dying, and I—” I shake my head, holding back the urge to melt into a puddle of tears. “I’m supposed to get on a plane in two days. I mean, what the hell were we even thinking? My life is in London.”
Despite my callousness, he steps forward. “We can figure it out.”
But I’ve been sold a lie before. A fairytale family by appearance that contained nothing but hurt. How can I trust we won’t be the same? “How? How does this work? I’m not going to drop my entire career, bail on the education I’ve worked so damn hard to achieve over the last three years, just to what? Come back here and be your girlfriend? All because we fucked one night?”
His lips pinch with disapproval. “You don’t mean that.”
“Stop, okay? Stop trying to be so damn perfect.” Stop trying to call me on my bullshit. Stop making me risk my heart. “Just go. Okay? Please. Just go.”
“Is that what you really want?”
I nod but I can’t say it out loud. The anger fueling my outrage is already fading.
He stares, holding my gaze a full minute before he sneers. “Okay, then. Have it your way. I’ll leave. I thought we were better than this.” He shakes his head and turns, walking away.
It’s what I expect, isn’t it? What I pushed him to do. The people I allow close to my heart always let me down. It’s why I don’t open myself up. Why I keep everyone at a distance, push people away. It hurts a hell of a lot less if I’m the one calling the shots.
Only, that doesn’t feel true right now. My heart feels like it’s cracking into pieces
