36
Chase
I can’t believe Alicia. After everything we’ve been through. After last night. Fuck. I thought we were past this bullshit.
Apparently, I thought wrong.
I stalk to my truck, hurt and anger pulsing through my muscles with every step. Am I the fool here? Has my desire to hold on to the past clouded my judgment? Because I swear last night was real. I gave her everything, my entire heart. But the shit she pulled back there? That was fucking mean. Especially for someone who’s accepted her weakness and gone down a path of healing. The callous words she lashed toward her half-sister hit where I’m most vulnerable.
I’m angry. With her. At myself. With this impossible situation we’re in.
I’m a stranger to Matthew. He shares my DNA, but he doesn’t know me as a son should know his father.
My biggest fear other than losing her is losing him.
What happens if she decides I don’t deserve a place in their life?
Am I really so expendable?
I climb into my truck, my entire body shaking from our encounter. My stomach gets in on the party, grumbling with hunger. I was in such a rush to get her to the hospital I didn’t stop to eat. I haven’t even had coffee. Since it’s the one thing I can control, I whip out of the parking lot to rectify that with a visit to the nearest cafe.
The hospital is still within view when my phone rings through the Bluetooth. I glance at the dashboard to see who’s calling and tap a button to connect the call. “Hey, Mav. What’s up?” I attempt to keep the irritation from my voice but I must do a horrible job.
“Hey, sorry. I know it’s kinda early.”
“It’s fine.”
“It doesn’t sound fine. You okay? Need to talk?”
“Are all women fucking crazy?”
“You’re lucky my phone isn’t on speaker right now. And to answer your question, yes.” He chuckles but I can’t muster the energy to join him. “What happened, brother?”
“It’s Alicia. We had this amazing night together.” My thumbs bounce on the steering wheel. “And today . . . it’s been a fucking mess. We woke up to her brothers blowing up her phone. Her dad’s in emergency surgery. Then she yells at her half-sister in the waiting room, and I just don’t get it. It’s like I don’t even know her.”
“Her dad’s in surgery?”
“Yeah.” I exhale a long sigh and think back to our conversation last night. Then about how she found out he had this whole other secret family. “I think they’ve had a rough couple of years.”
“Fear. It’s a bitch, man. Makes people say crazy things they don’t mean.”
“You think she’s scared?”
“You remember when I was in the hospital after the accident? And they told me I would never walk again?”
My body goes tight with unease. “Uh.”
“No. That’s right. Because you were too much of a little bitch to come visit me.” Maverick laughs. His gallows humor holds no boundaries, and if I weren’t in such a shit mood I might smile. “Anyway, if you’d been there, you would know that I broke up with Vanessa that same day.”
“What?” This is news to me.
“Yeah. I broke up with her. I cussed her out, told her I didn’t love her, and all kinds of mean shit she refused to accept, which only pissed me off more. I didn’t want to live without her, but I somehow convinced myself she would be better off without me. My life was already fucked; how could I drag her down too?”
“But she stayed anyway.” I can’t imagine a world where Mav and Vanessa aren’t together. It hits me. Alicia pushed me away. Not because she didn’t need me, but because she was scared to let me stay. She was only protecting herself. And I fucking fell for it.
“Yeah, and thank God she did. Can you imagine the miserable SOB I’d be if she didn’t?”
“I probably wouldn’t be your friend,” I deadpan.
“Exactly. Look, I don’t know if this is the same thing, and maybe I’m projecting, but trauma and fear have a pretty messed up way of keeping us from accepting love. Maybe give her a second chance. Or be like Vanessa and refuse to give up.”
“I think that might be the best advice you’ve ever given me,” I tease, but it’s tinged with truth. I pull into the parking lot of a fast-food joint and scrub a hand over my jaw. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
I realize Maverick must’ve called for a reason. “Sorry, you called for something. What did you need?”
“Oh, I was gonna see if you wanted to bust me out of here for a few hours to catch the game and chow down on some wings. But we’ll do it another time.” There’s a smile in his voice. “I have a feeling you’re gonna be busy for the rest of the day.”
He’s a good friend. The best. I need to get back to the hospital. I’m going to be by Alicia’s side, even if she doesn’t want me. Maybe that makes me a fool. Maybe I’m destined for a lifetime of fighting for someone who claims she’s better off alone. But I don’t think that’s true. She’s scared, and fear has a funny way of keeping a person from following their heart. I let that happen last time but I won’t make the same mistake again.
Because no matter what she says or how hard she tries to push me away, I’m not giving up. Not when I just got her back.
37
Alicia
When Chase walks away something inside me snaps. He fucking leaves. Of course, he does. I gave him every reason to. So why am I on the verge of crying when he did exactly what I asked?
Because I love him.
Fuck.
I never stopped.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
And part of me wants to give
