The Merry Wives of Windsor

Caius Villany, take your rapier. They begin to fence. Rugby Forbear; here’s company. Enter Host, Justice Shallow, Slender, and Page. Host Bless thee, bully doctor! Justice Shallow Save you, Master Doctor Caius! Page Now, good Master Doctor! Slender Give you good morrow, sir. Doctor Caius Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? Host To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha, bully! What says my Aesculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? Ha! is he dead, bully stale? Is he dead? Doctor Caius By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de world; he is not show his face. Host Thou art a Castalion King Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy! Doctor Caius I pray you, bear witness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. Justice Shallow He is the wiser man, Master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page? Page Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Justice Shallow Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page. Page ’Tis true, Master Shallow. Justice Shallow It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, Master Doctor. Host Pardon, guest-justice.⁠—A word, Monsieur Mockwater. Doctor Caius Mock-vater! Vat is dat? Host Mockwater, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. Doctor Caius By gar, then I have as much mockvater as de Englishman.⁠—Scurvy jack-dog priest! By gar, me vill cut his ears. Host He will clapperclaw thee tightly, bully. Doctor Caius Clapper-de-claw! Vat is dat? Host That is, he will make thee amends. Doctor Caius By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it. Host And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag. Doctor Caius Me tank you for dat. Host And, moreover, bully⁠—aside but first: Master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaliero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. Page Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well? Justice Shallow We will do it. Page, Shallow, and Slender Adieu, good Master Doctor. Exeunt Page, Justice Shallow, and Slender. Doctor Caius By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host Let him die. Sheathe thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler; go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim! Said I well? Doctor Caius By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page: said I well? Doctor Caius By gar, ’tis good; vell said. Host Let us wag, then. Doctor Caius Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. Exeunt.

Act III

Scene I

A meadow near Frogmore with a field-path and two stiles, one hard-by, the other at a distance.

	Enter Sir Hugh Evans in doublet and hose; a drawn sword in one hand and an open book in the other. Simple on the look-out up a tree.
Sir Hugh Evans	Calls. I pray you now, good Master Slender’s serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
Simple	Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.
Sir Hugh Evans	I most fehemently desire you you will also look that way.
Simple	I will, Sir.
Sir Hugh Evans	Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave’s costard when I have goot opportunities for the ’ork: pless my soul! Sings.
	To shallow rivers, to whose falls Melodious birds sings madrigals; There will we make our peds of roses, And a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow⁠—
	Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. Sings.
	Melodious birds sing madrigals⁠— Whenas I sat in Pabylon⁠— And a thousand vagram posies. To shallow⁠—
Simple	Descending the tree. Yonder he is, coming this way, Sir Hugh.
Sir Hugh Evans	He’s welcome.
	Sings.
	To shallow rivers, to whose falls⁠—
	Heaven prosper the right!⁠—What weapons is he?
Simple	No weapons, sir. Points. There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
Sir Hugh Evans	Pray you give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Reads in a book. Simple takes up gown from ground.
	Enter Page and Justice Shallow over the near stile, with Slender following. At the same time Host, Doctor Caius, and Rugby are seen climbing the stile afar off.
Justice Shallow	How now, Master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
Slender	Aside. Ah, sweet Anne Page!
Page	’Save you, good Sir Hugh!
Sir Hugh Evans	Pless you from