The Merry Wives of Windsor

she says, that you wot of: Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; he’s a very jealousy man; she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart. Falstaff Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her. Mistress Quickly Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too; and let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe’er be the other; and she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home, but she hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely I think you have charms, la! yes, in truth. Falstaff Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Mistress Quickly Blessing on your heart for’t! Falstaff But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me? Mistress Quickly That were a jest indeed! They have not so little grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves: her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and, truly, Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and truly she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy. Falstaff Why, I will. Mistress Quickly Nay, but do so then; and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and in any case have a nay-word, that you may know one another’s mind, and the boy never need to understand anything; for ’tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. Falstaff Fare thee well; commend me to them both. There’s my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman.⁠— Exeunt Mistress Quickly and Robin. This news distracts me. Pistol

This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers;
Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights;
Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!

Exit Pistol. Falstaff Say’st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I’ll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter. Enter Bardolph, with a cup of sack. Bardolph Sir John, there’s one Master Brook below would fain speak with you and be acquainted with you: and hath sent your worship a morning’s draught of sack. Falstaff Brook is his name? Bardolph Ay, sir. Falstaff Call him in. Exit Bardolph. Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o’erflow such liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed you? Go to; via! Re-enter Bardolph, with Ford disguised carrying a bag of money. Ford Bless you, sir! Falstaff And you, sir; would you speak with me? Ford I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you. Falstaff You’re welcome. What’s your will?⁠—Give us leave, drawer. Exit Bardolph. Ford Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much: my name is Brook. Falstaff Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something embold’ned me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Falstaff Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me; if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Falstaff Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Falstaff Speak, good Master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. Ford Sir, I hear you are a scholar⁠—I will be brief with you, and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection; but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own, that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy is it to be such an offender. Falstaff Very well, sir; proceed. Ford There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband’s name is Ford. Falstaff Well, sir. Ford I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee’d every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many to know what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none, unless experience be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this,

“Love like