The Merry Wives of Windsor

wind: and Falstaff’s boy with her! Good plots! They are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. Clock strikes. The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff. I shall be rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is there. I will go. Enter Page, Justice Shallow, Slender, Host, Sir Hugh Evans, Doctor Caius, and Rugby. Shallow, Page, etc. Well met, Master Ford. Ford Trust me, a good knot; I have good cheer at home, and I pray you all go with me. Justice Shallow I must excuse myself, Master Ford. Slender And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I’ll speak of. Justice Shallow We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slender I hope I have your good will, father Page. Page You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you. But my wife, Master doctor, is for you altogether. Doctor Caius Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host What say you to young Master Fenton? He capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May; he will carry’t, he will carry’t; ’tis in his buttons; he will carry’t. Page Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Pointz; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance; if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way. Ford I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Master Doctor, you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh. Justice Shallow Well, fare you well; we shall have the freer wooing at Master Page’s. Exeunt Justice Shallow and Slender. Doctor Caius Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. Exit Rugby. Host Farewell, my hearts; I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. Exit Host. Ford Aside. I think I shall drink in pipe-wine first with him. I’ll make him dance. Aloud. Will you go, gentles? All Have with you to see this monster. Exeunt.

Scene III

A room in Ford’s house, hung with arras; stairs leading to a gallery; a large open hearth; three doors, one with windows right and left opening into the street.

	Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page.
Mistress Ford	Calls. What, John! what, Robert!
Mistress Page	Quickly, quickly:⁠—Is the buck-basket⁠—
Mistress Ford	I warrant. What, Robin, I say!
	Enter Servants with a basket.
Mistress Page	Impatient. Come, come, come.
Mistress Ford	Here, set it down. They do so.
Mistress Page	Give your men the charge; we must be brief.
Mistress Ford	Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and, without any pause or staggering, take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet-Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.
Mistress Page	You will do it?
Mistress Ford	I have told them over and over; they lack no direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.
	Exeunt Servants.
Mistress Page	Here comes little Robin.
	Enter Robin.
Mistress Ford	How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?
Robin	My Master Sir John is come in at your backdoor, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
Mistress Page	You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?
Robin	Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your being here, and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he’ll turn me away.
Mistress Page	Thou’rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I’ll go hide me.
Mistress Ford	Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.
	Exit Robin.
	Mistress Page, remember you your cue.
Mistress Page	I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.
	Exit Mistress Page, leaving door ajar.
Mistress Ford	Go to, then; we’ll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion; we’ll teach him to know turtles from jays.
	Enter Falstaff.
Falstaff	“Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?” Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!
Mistress Ford	O, sweet Sir John! They embrace.
Falstaff	Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish; I would thy husband were dead. I’ll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady.
Mistress Ford	I your lady, Sir John! Alas, I should be a pitiful lady.
Falstaff	Let the court of France show me such another. I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond; thou hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance.
Mistress Ford	A plain kerchief, Sir John; my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither.
Falstaff	By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy