The Merry Wives of Windsor

need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Mistress Page Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same strain were in the same distress. Mistress Ford I think my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff’s being here, for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. Mistress Page I will lay a plot to try that, and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. Mistress Ford Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water, and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment? Mistress Page We will do it; let him be sent for tomorrow eight o’clock, to have amends. Re-enter Ford, Page, Doctor Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass. Mistress Page Aside to Mistress Ford. Heard you that? Mistress Ford Aside to Mistress Page. Ay, ay, peace.⁠— You use me well, Master Ford, do you? Ford Ay, I do so. Mistress Ford Heaven make you better than your thoughts! Ford Amen! Mistress Page You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford. Ford Ay, ay; I must bear it. Sir Hugh Evans If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment! Doctor Caius Be gar, nor I too; there is no bodies. Page Fie, fie, Master Ford, are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford ’Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it. Sir Hugh Evans You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too. Doctor Caius By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman. Ford Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in the Park: I pray you pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you why I have done this. Come, wife, come, Mistress Page; I pray you pardon me; takes their hands pray heartily, pardon me. Exeunt Mistress Ford and Mistress Page. Page To the others. Let’s go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we’ll mock him. I do invite you tomorrow morning to my house to breakfast; after, we’ll a-birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so? Ford Anything. Sir Hugh Evans If there is one, I shall make two in the company. Doctor Caius If there be one or two, I shall make-a the turd. Ford Pray you go, Master Page. Exeunt Ford and Page. Sir Hugh Evans I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy knave, mine host. Doctor Caius Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart. Sir Hugh Evans A lousy knave! to have his gibes and his mockeries! Exeunt.

Scene IV

A room in Page’s house.

	Enter Fenton and Anne Page.
Fenton	I see I cannot get thy father’s love; Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.
Anne Page	Alas! how then?
Fenton	Why, thou must be thyself. He doth object, I am too great of birth; And that my state being gall’d with my expense, I seek to heal it only by his wealth. Besides these, other bars he lays before me, My riots past, my wild societies; And tells me ’tis a thing impossible I should love thee but as a property.
Anne Page	May be he tells you true.
Fenton	No, heaven so speed me in my time to come! Albeit I will confess thy father’s wealth Was the first motive that I wooed thee, Anne: Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value Than stamps in gold, or sums in sealéd bags; And ’tis the very riches of thyself That now I aim at.
Anne Page	Gentle Master Fenton, Yet seek my father’s love; still seek it, sir. If opportunity and humblest suit Cannot attain it, why then⁠—hark you hither.
	They converse apart.
	Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Mistress Quickly.
Justice Shallow	Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman shall speak for himself. She draws near the lovers.
Slender	Pale. I’ll make a shaft or a bolt on’t. ’Slid, ’tis but venturing.
Justice Shallow	Be not dismayed.
Slender	No, she shall not dismay me. I care not for that, but that I am afeard.
Mistress Quickly	To Anne Page. Hark ye; Master Slender would speak a word with you.
Anne Page	I come to him. Aside. This is my father’s choice. O, what a world of vile ill-favour’d faults Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year!
Mistress Quickly	Steps between them. And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you. Anne moves away.
Justice Shallow	She’s coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!
Slender	I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell you good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress Anne the jest how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle.
Justice Shallow	Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.
Slender	Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in Gloucestershire.
Justice Shallow	He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.
Slender	Ay, that I will come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a squire.
Justice Shallow	He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.
Anne Page	Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.
Justice Shallow	Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz; I’ll leave you. He stands aside.
Anne Page	Now, Master Slender.
Slender	Plucking his beard. Now, good Mistress Anne.⁠—
Anne Page	What is your will?
Slender	My will! ’od’s heartlings, that’s a pretty jest indeed! I ne’er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.
Anne Page	I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?
Slender