The Merry Wives of Windsor

class="editorial" epub:type="z3998:stage-direction">Casting down his eyes. Truly, for mine own part I would little or nothing with you. Your father and my uncle hath made motions; if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you how things go better than I can. You may ask your father; here he comes. Enter Page and Mistress Page. Page

Now, Master Slender: love him, daughter Anne.
Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here?
You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house:
I told you, sir, my daughter is dispos’d of.

Fenton Nay, Master Page, be not impatient. Mistress Page Good Master Fenton, come not to my child. Page She is no match for you. Fenton Sir, will you hear me? Page

No, good Master Fenton.
Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in.
Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.

Exeunt Page, Justice Shallow, and Slender. Mistress Quickly Speak to Mistress Page. Fenton

Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter
In such a righteous fashion as I do,
Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners,
I must advance the colours of my love
And not retire: let me have your good will.

Anne Page Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool. Mistress Page I mean it not; I seek you a better husband. Mistress Quickly That’s my master, Master doctor. Anne Page

Alas! I had rather be set quick i’ the earth.
And bowl’d to death with turnips.

Mistress Page

Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master Fenton,
I will not be your friend, nor enemy;
My daughter will I question how she loves you,
And as I find her, so am I affected.
Till then, farewell, sir: she must needs go in;
Her father will be angry.

Exeunt Mistress Page. Anne Page follows, turning at the door. Fenton Farewell, gentle mistress. Farewell, Nan. The door closes. Mistress Quickly This is my doing now: “Nay,” said I, “will you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on Master Fenton.” This is my doing. Fenton

I thank thee; and I pray thee, once tonight
Give my sweet Nan this ring. There’s for thy pains.

Fenton thrusts money in her hands and exits. Mistress Quickly Now Heaven send thee good fortune! A kind heart he hath; a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all three, for so I have promised, and I’ll be as good as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses: what a beast am I to slack it! Exit.

Scene V

A room in the Garter Inn

	Enter Falstaff from his chamber.
Falstaff	Bardolph, I say⁠—
	Enter Bardolph.
Bardolph	Here, sir.
Falstaff	Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in’t.
	Exit Bardolph.
	Sits. Have I lived to be carried in a basket, and to be thrown in the Thames like a barrow of butcher’s offal? Well, if I be served such another trick, I’ll have my brains ta’en out and buttered, and give them to a dog for a new year’s gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a blind bitch’s puppies, fifteen i’ the litter; and you may know by my size that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell I should down. I had been drowned but that the shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that I abhor, for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been when had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy.
	Re-enter Bardolph, with two cups of sack.
Bardolph	Here’s Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you. He sets cups down.
Falstaff	Takes one. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly’s as cold as if I had swallowed snowballs for pills to cool the reins. He drains the cup. Call her in.
Bardolph	Opening the door. Come in, woman.
	Enter Mistress Quickly.
Mistress Quickly	Curtsies. By your leave. I cry you mercy. Give your worship good morrow.
Falstaff	Empties the second cup. Take away these chalices. Go, brew me a pottle of sack finely.
Bardolph	Takes up the cups. With eggs, sir?
Falstaff	Simple of itself; I’ll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.
	Exit Bardolph.
	How now!
Mistress Quickly	Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford.
Falstaff	Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was thrown into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.
Mistress Quickly	Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection.
Falstaff	So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman’s promise.
Mistress Quickly	Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine; I must carry her word quickly. She’ll make you amends, I warrant you.
Falstaff	Well, I will visit her. Tell her so; and bid her think what a man is; let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.
Mistress Quickly	I will tell her.
Falstaff	Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou?
Mistress Quickly	Eight and nine, sir.
Falstaff	Well, be gone; I will not miss her.
Mistress Quickly	Peace be with you, sir.
	Exit Mistress Quickly.
Falstaff	I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word to stay within. I like his money well. O! here he comes.
	Enter Ford disguised as Brook.
Ford	Bless you, sir!
Falstaff	Now, Master Brook, you come to know what hath passed between me and Ford’s wife?