The Merry Wives of Windsor

foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it. Mistress Ford Believe me, there’s no such thing in me. Falstaff What made me love thee? Let that persuade thee there’s something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn-buds that come like women in men’s apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple-time; I cannot; but I love thee, none but thee; and thou deservest it. Mistress Ford Do not betray me, sir; I fear you love Mistress Page. Falstaff Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a limekiln. Mistress Ford Well, heaven knows how I love you; with meaning and you shall one day find it. Falstaff Keep in that mind; I’ll deserve it. Mistress Ford Nay, I must tell you, so you do; with meaning or else I could not be in that mind. Robin Within. Mistress Ford! Mistress Ford! here’s Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. Falstaff She shall not see me; I will ensconce me behind the arras. Mistress Ford Pray you, do so; she’s a very tattling woman. Falstaff hides himself. Re-enter Mistress Page and Robin. What’s the matter? How now! Mistress Page Seeming breathless. O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You’re shamed, you are overthrown, you are undone forever! Mistress Ford What’s the matter, good Mistress Page? Mistress Page O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Mistress Ford What cause of suspicion? Mistress Page What cause of suspicion? Out upon you! how am I mistook in you! Mistress Ford Why, alas, what’s the matter? Mistress Page Your husband’s coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that he says is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence: you are undone. Mistress Ford Aside. Speak louder. ’Tis not so, I hope. Mistress Page Pray heaven it be not so that you have such a man here! but ’tis most certain your husband’s coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I come before to tell you. If you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life forever. Mistress Ford What shall I do?⁠—There is a gentleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame as much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the house. Mistress Page For shame! never stand “you had rather” and “you had rather”: your husband’s here at hand; bethink you of some conveyance; in the house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: or⁠—it is whiting-time⁠—send him by your two men to Datchet-Mead. Mistress Ford He’s too big to go in there. What shall I do? Falstaff Coming forward. Let me see’t, let me see’t. O, let me see’t! I’ll in, I’ll in; follow your friend’s counsel; I’ll in. Mistress Page What, Sir John Falstaff! In his ear. Are these your letters, knight? Falstaff I love thee and none but thee; help me away: let me creep in here. I’ll never⁠— Voices heard in the street without. He gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen. Mistress Page Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men, Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight! Mistress Ford Calling. What, John! Robert! John! Robin hastily thrusts the remainder of the linen into the basket and runs off. Re-enter Servants. Go, take up these clothes here, quickly; where’s the cowl-staff? Look how you drumble! They pass a pole through the handle of the basket. Carry them to the laundress in Datchet-Mead; they hoist the basket, staggering quickly, come. Enter Ford, Page, Doctor Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford Pray you come near. If I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now, whither bear you this? Servant To the laundress, forsooth. Mistress Ford Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing. Ford Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck! ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall appear. Exeunt Servants with the basket. Gentlemen, I have dreamed tonight; I’ll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers; search, seek, find out. I’ll warrant we’ll unkennel the fox. Goes to outer door. Let me stop this way first. Locking the door. So, now uncape. Page Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. Ford True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen, you shall see sport anon⁠ ⁠… Mounts the stairs. Follow me, gentlemen. They hesitate. Exit Ford. Sir Hugh Evans This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies. Doctor Caius By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France; it is not jealous in France. Page Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. Exeunt Sir Hugh Evans, Page, and Doctor Caius. Mistress Page Is there not a double excellency in this? Mistress Ford I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or Sir John. Mistress Page What a taking was he in when your husband asked who was in the basket! Mistress Ford I am half afraid he will have