The Importance of Being Earnest

with shame that I do not know. I only wish I did. The plain facts of the case are these. On the morning of the day you mention, a day that is forever branded on my memory, I prepared as usual to take the baby out in its perambulator. I had also with me a somewhat old, but capacious handbag in which I had intended to place the manuscript of a work of fiction that I had written during my few unoccupied hours. In a moment of mental abstraction, for which I never can forgive myself, I deposited the manuscript in the basinette, and placed the baby in the handbag. Jack Who has been listening attentively. But where did you deposit the handbag? Miss Prism Do not ask me, Mr. Worthing. Jack Miss Prism, this is a matter of no small importance to me. I insist on knowing where you deposited the handbag that contained that infant. Miss Prism I left it in the cloakroom of one of the larger railway stations in London. Jack What railway station? Miss Prism Quite crushed. Victoria. The Brighton line. Sinks into a chair. Jack I must retire to my room for a moment. Gwendolen, wait here for me. Gwendolen If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life. Exit Jack in great excitement. Chasuble What do you think this means, Lady Bracknell? Lady Bracknell I dare not even suspect, Dr. Chasuble. I need hardly tell you that in families of high position strange coincidences are not supposed to occur. They are hardly considered the thing. Noises heard overhead as if someone was throwing trunks about. Everyone looks up. Cecily Uncle Jack seems strangely agitated. Chasuble Your guardian has a very emotional nature. Lady Bracknell This noise is extremely unpleasant. It sounds as if he was having an argument. I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing. Chasuble Looking up. It has stopped now. The noise is redoubled. Lady Bracknell I wish he would arrive at some conclusion. Gwendolen This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. Enter Jack with a handbag of black leather in his hand. Jack Rushing over to Miss Prism. Is this the handbag, Miss Prism? Examine it carefully before you speak. The happiness of more than one life depends on your answer. Miss Prism Calmly. It seems to be mine. Yes, here is the injury it received through the upsetting of a Gower Street omnibus in younger and happier days. Here is the stain on the lining caused by the explosion of a temperance beverage, an incident that occurred at Leamington. And here, on the lock, are my initials. I had forgotten that in an extravagant mood I had had them placed there. The bag is undoubtedly mine. I am delighted to have it so unexpectedly restored to me. It has been a great inconvenience being without it all these years. Jack In a pathetic voice. Miss Prism, more is restored to you than this handbag. I was the baby you placed in it. Miss Prism Amazed. You? Jack Embracing her. Yes⁠ ⁠… mother! Miss Prism Recoiling in indignant astonishment. Mr. Worthing! I am unmarried! Jack Unmarried! I do not deny that is a serious blow. But after all, who has the right to cast a stone against one who has suffered? Cannot repentance wipe out an act of folly? Why should there be one law for men, and another for women? Mother, I forgive you. Tries to embrace her again. Miss Prism Still more indignant. Mr. Worthing, there is some error. Pointing to Lady Bracknell. There is the lady who can tell you who you really are. Jack After a pause. Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am? Lady Bracknell I am afraid that the news I have to give you will not altogether please you. You are the son of my poor sister, Mrs. Moncrieff, and consequently Algernon’s elder brother. Jack Algy’s elder brother! Then I have a brother after all. I knew I had a brother! I always said I had a brother! Cecily⁠—how could you have ever doubted that I had a brother? Seizes hold of Algernon. Dr. Chasuble, my unfortunate brother. Miss Prism, my unfortunate brother. Gwendolen, my unfortunate brother. Algy, you young scoundrel, you will have to treat me with more respect in the future. You have never behaved to me like a brother in all your life. Algernon Well, not till today, old boy, I admit. I did my best, however, though I was out of practice. Shakes hands. Gwendolen To Jack. My own! But what own are you? What is your Christian name, now that you have become someone else? Jack Good heavens!⁠ ⁠… I had quite forgotten that point. Your decision on the subject of my name is irrevocable, I suppose? Gwendolen I never change, except in my affections. Cecily What a noble nature you have, Gwendolen! Jack Then the question had better be cleared up at once. Aunt Augusta, a moment. At the time when Miss Prism left me in the handbag, had I been christened already? Lady Bracknell Every luxury that money could buy, including christening, had been lavished on you by your fond and doting parents. Jack Then I was christened! That is settled. Now, what name was I given? Let me know the worst. Lady Bracknell Being the eldest son you were naturally christened after your father. Jack Irritably. Yes, but what was my father’s Christian name? Lady Bracknell Meditatively. I cannot at the present moment recall what the General’s Christian name was. But I have no doubt he had one. He was eccentric, I admit. But only in later years. And that was the result of the Indian climate, and marriage, and indigestion, and other things of that kind. Jack Algy! Can’t you recollect what our father’s Christian name was? Algernon My dear boy, we were never even on speaking terms. He died before I was a year old. Jack His name would appear in the