Oh fuck. This was just one of his stupid pranks. Whydid he always find it so funny to mess with me? Of course Penny wasn’t going tosleep with me tonight. For Christ’s sake, she had Scarlett with her.
“I got you so good,” Tanner finally said when he stoppedlaughing. “Pretty sure the only person getting laid tonight is James.” Heslapped me on the back as he stood up to go. “You’re so gullible.”
“And you’re a terrible friend.”
“Terrible best friend, thank you very much. I’ll seeyou tomorrow night at My Favorite Bar.” He touched the side of his head like hewas about to tip a hat. But he wasn’t wearing a hat. He shook his head, lookingmomentarily confused, and then hurried out of the restaurant.
The waitress came over and handed me the bill. What the hell?He’d jilted me with the check again.
***
I walked up the steps of my brownstone on one of the quieterstreets in the city. All my friends lived in swanky apartment buildings. Thefirst apartment I’d bought was just like theirs. I’d hated that place. All thewhite walls and modern furniture and appliances. It was like there was no lifein it. It made me feel claustrophobic. I’d sold it for a loss because Icouldn’t bear to live another second in that empty hell hole.
When I was growing up, my favorite place to be at my housewas the kitchen. It was warm and light and happy. I think I’d been chasing happinessmy whole adult life. Even though I knew it wasn’t possible. So I bought a placethat felt like a home.
But it still felt like I was suffocating. I unlocked thedoor, switched on the lights, and tossed my keys onto the little table in theentranceway. The place was a steal when I bought it. A complete fixer upper. There’dbeen a freaking hole in the ceiling of the dining room with no explanation. I’dbeen sold. And I’d been fixing it up in my spare time for the last severalyears. It was better when I kept busy.
But now I’d almost successfully fixed everything that neededfixing. The kitchen was brand new. The three bathrooms too. I’d sanded andrefinished all the hardwood floors. I’d even managed to fix the leaky roof bymyself without falling off the damned thing.
It was almost complete and I had no idea what to do next. Thisplace wasn’t meant for a bachelor. Somewhere along the way in renovations, ithad turned into more of a family home instead of a home for just me. I neededto call my real estate agent. As soon as possible. When I was living in arundown brownstone, I was fine. But seeing the place fixed up made my chestache. I wasn’t a family man. And I couldn’t be here anymore. I needed a onebedroom, one bathroom…something. Maybe something between a family home and asoulless apartment building. I just had no idea what that was.
I walked up the stairs, past my home office and a secondbedroom I never went in, and down the hall to the master.
I turned on the shower and stared at the double sinks I’d putin. A his-and-hers sink? What the hell had I been thinking? This place wasworse than the empty, lifeless apartment building I used to own. There was lifehere. A life I wasn’t going to have.
I pulled off my Empire High football t-shirt, kicked off therest of my clothes and stepped under the steaming hot water.
And as soon as I closed my eyes under the stream of water, Isaw Brooklyn’s face. I always saw her face when I closed my eyes. She was spreadout naked, tangled in my sheets. The morning sun lighting up her face.
I tried to ignore the image of her as I soaped myself up. ButI could feel myself getting hard just thinking about her. Fuck. Ipressed my forehead against the cool tile. Yes, I saw Brooklyn when I closed myeyes. And whenever I thought of her, I either got angry, mopey, or…desperate tohave her. I found it best to get her out of my system as quickly as possible,despite how I felt. When I was angry, I’d go for a run. When I was mopey, Istuffed that emotion down by focusing on work. And when I wished she wasbeneath me?
I wrapped my soapy hand around my cock, picturing her handinstead. No, her mouth. God, her perfect little mouth. Her looking up at meinnocently. Because I was the only person she’d ever sucked off. I was her firstand only everything.
Seeing how hard she made me used to get her off. The firsttime she spread her legs for me was because she knew how badly I needed her. Ipictured that first time. In her skirt that was too short. In her blouse thatwas cut too deep, showing off the tops of her large breasts. I’d been doomedsince the first time she’d walked into Empire High. She’s been mine before weever spoke. And we both knew it.
I stroked myself faster, picturing her here with me in theshower. Her back pressed against the tile. Her tits against my chest. Her screamingmy name.
I should have tried to think about anyone I’d fucked over thepast few months instead. The girl from the café down the street. Or the randomwoman stalking me at my games.
But all I saw was Brooklyn. Her legs wrapped around my waist.Her fingers buried in my hair. Her trying to stifle her moans so we wouldn’t becaught.
Fuck. Stream after stream of my cum landed on the tilefloor. My breath was ragged as my hand stopped. I didn’t want to open my eyes. Ididn’t want to leave the image of her alone in the shower. I didn’t want her todisappear.
That was the other thing about thinking about her when I washard. As soon as I wasn’t, the mopey shit started. My arousal gave way toguilt. If I’d protected her, she’d still be here. I could still touch her. Holdher. Kiss her.
I was sick. I was lusting over a ghost. I pictured her when
