It’s not often that my mom offers an apology, and to be honest, it kind of freaks me out.
“It’s okay,” I quickly reply. “I’ll be better, too. If I layer up those tank tops I bet they’d look great...with a sweater.”
Her cheeks pull back in a smile and I exhale a breath of relief. I’ve always been terrified of confrontation. If we ever had an actual argument, I’d probably run out of the room screaming.
“And how are you doing?” I ask.
“Me? I’m fine.” I keep looking at her and for the first time in a long time, I see a crack in her steel demeanor. “You know,” she goes on to say, “I have my good days and my bad days.”
“I’m the same way.”
In the blink of an eye, I’m swarmed with memories of my parents together. My dad was playful and my mom was strong. He joked and she laughed. He danced with her when she turned the radio on in the kitchen. She doesn’t turn the radio on anymore.
“How do you do it?” I find myself asking. “How do you recover from losing someone you love so much?”
“You don’t,” she answers. “I haven’t. I just have to believe that I’ll see him again someday, and then all the waiting will be worth it.”
I take a breath at her words. “That’s a really beautiful thought.”
“Use it in your next book,” she says with a grin.
It gets quiet after that but not uncomfortable. I’m about to offer her a cup of tea when the sound of Beyoncé’s “Crazy In Love” starts blasting through the room, leading us both to exchange matching expressions of confusion.
“Is that your phone?” I ask in disbelief, while also being incredibly impressed.
“What? No, it’s not my phone.”
I get up and follow the sound of the music until I find my cell phone lit up on the kitchen counter. The word Beefcake flashes across the caller ID screen.
Oh, that bastard.
I’m feeling a mixture of rage and amusement as I answer the phone. “Hello,” I say sweetly.
“Hey, you like my ringtone?” Ryan’s voice is light and easy. He’s going to catch an elbow to the chin when he gets back.
“I’m sorry but I’m busy right now.” I smile at my mom as she eyes me suspiciously.
“Duke says hi. He also says that he’s tired of walking.”
“Well, tell him it’s good for him. I have to go now. You have a great day.”
“Wait, wait, I have to ask you one more question. It’s really important.”
“What?”
“Are you still wearing my sweatshirt?”
“Okay, bye!”
I hang up and focus back on my mom, unable to stifle my smile as I put the phone down on the counter. I try to act neutral as I return to the reading chair.
“Who was that?” she asks.
“That was the census bureau.”
I can tell she doesn’t believe me but she still sits back with a shrug. “So have you started packing yet?”
“Packing?”
“Kara Marie Sullivan,” she says with clear disapproval, “do you mean to tell me that you are leaving for Italy in a matter of days and you still haven’t even started packing yet?”
Packing. Italy. Crap. Is it horrible that I forgot about that?
“Okay, so I haven’t packed yet, but it won’t take me that long.”
“Packing for a weekend getaway wouldn’t take long. You’re leaving for six months. Six months, Kara. How couldn’t you have started yet?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble. “I guess I got distracted.”
“Distracted by what?”
Nothing in particular. Just all the filthy, passionate, awesome secret sex I’ve been having with my ex-boyfriend.
“Work stuff,” I say, my voice sounding pitchy. “Switching back to Italy, though, I meant to give you this last week.” I hop up from the chair and walk over to my desk, opening a drawer and pulling out a folder. “I did some early prep work for Jen’s baby shower since I’ll be gone during the planning time. Jen loves Beatrix Potter so I figured that can be our theme. I got some invitation samples for you to choose from and I printed out pictures of the decorations I’m going to buy. I’m thinking I’ll order things little by little while I’m in Rome and have them sent to your house.”
I hand Mom the folder. She opens it up and looks through each invitation and picture. “This all looks great. I’m surprised you got all of this done already.”
“Yeah, well, when you find out that you’re actually a sub-par writer who can’t finish her work on time, it’s shockingly therapeutic to shop for baby party decor online.”
My mom laughs and tucks the folder into her bag.
An hour later, I’m in the clear. The sneaky daughter gods have smiled upon me and my mom doesn’t suspect a thing, other than her thinking that I’m losing my mind, but that’s nothing new. I should feel guilty about lying to her, but she’ll find out about Ryan and me soon enough.
“Now, I know tomorrow is going to be hectic, but you could still text Jen and me pictures of all you girls in your dresses. And you better call me the next day to tell me all about the wedding.”
“I will, I promise.”
My mom smiles before kissing me on the cheek and heading for the elevator. I close the door behind her and my mind slowly drifts back to Italy. How could I have forgotten? I’ve been looking forward to this for months, years even. All my hard work has brought me to this trip. How is it possible that for even one hour it slipped my mind?
Ryan.
That’s how it slipped my mind. Between him and my deadline, I’ve been able to think of little else. Ryan is this surprising, amazing force that is back in my life and it’s starting to get hard to remember what it was like without him.
But what about Italy? Do I really want to pack up and leave for six months
