13
Kate
Hi, Pete. Your mum is coming to visit us today. If that doesn’t shock you into getting in touch, I don’t know what will. The girls are really excited, they can’t wait to meet her.
Lily is getting her cast off next week, she can’t wait. She’ll have to wear one of those space boots for a couple of weeks and then she should be as good as new. We are going to McDonald’s to celebrate after the hospital appointment. Lily’s request of course. Maggie is delighted that her sister will no longer be a celebrity.
I let Rachel go this week. I should have done it years ago, but then you already knew that didn’t you? So, I’m finally taking control again and standing on my own two feet and I’m actually feeling really good about it, a little more like the old me again. Are you proud of me?
Where are you, Pete? And when are you coming home?
The knock on the door made Kate jump out of her skin, even though she’d been expecting it. The girls leapt up from the sofa where they’d been looking out of the window for the last twenty minutes and clamoured for the door, as excited as if it was Christmas Day. Today, for the first time, they were meeting their granny.
She opened the door and Karen stood in front of them, clutching bags and looking nervous. Despite being desperately excited all morning the girls suddenly became shy at the sight of her and retreated behind the safety of their mother’s legs.
‘Karen, hi! Lovely to see you, come in, come in.’ Kate bustled her in through the door and took her coat before ushering her into the living room. ‘Can I get you a drink? Tea? Coffee?’
‘Cup of tea would be nice, thanks, love,’ said Karen, looking around uncomfortably before perching on the edge of the grey sofa. The poor woman looked terrified but then so was Kate. She’d been up most of the night the previous evening panicking about the visit and wondering what on earth had possessed her to invite Karen into their lives. The girls had been confused when she’d told them that Karen was coming.
‘Will Daddy be there?’ Lily had asked.
‘No, darling, Daddy is still away at the moment,’ she’d replied.
‘But when is he coming home?’
It was the first time she’d asked about Pete for a few days and, not for the first time, Kate fretted that she’d opened up a giant can of worms by inviting Karen to visit. As she had lain in bed in the early hours, plagued by her usual fears and worries, she had wondered if she would ever sleep properly again. She had stopped taking the sleeping pills because she couldn’t handle the nightmares; and insomnia had become such a part of her life now that she could barely remember a time when it was normal to get a good night’s sleep. In the morning she had studied her tired, wrinkled face in the mirror and thought, I look like I’ve aged five years in the last five weeks. Yet despite the fact that she was running on empty during the day she still found herself feeling energised by this new, proactive version of herself, one who was starting to run her own family again and make decisions.
As Kate busied herself making drinks in the kitchen the children milled around her, not sure what to do with themselves. ‘Go and see your granny,’ she told them. They looked doubtful. ‘She’s brought presents.’
That did it, they were in the living room before she’d even boiled the kettle. As she made tea she could hear their quiet little ‘thank yous’ as Karen passed them gifts, followed by shrieks of delight as they opened them, their shyness forgotten. By the time she arrived in the room carrying mugs of tea and a packet of biscuits under her arm the children were climbing all over Karen, despite Lily’s broken leg.
‘Oh gosh I’m sorry, Karen. Girls get off her!’
‘Oh it’s no bother,’ Karen said, laughing with delight. ‘No bother at all.’
Karen was amazing with the girls. She got down on the floor with them, playing with them, asking them questions about school and films they liked watching. She seemed to be enjoying the games just as much as the girls. Lily and Maggie loved Kate’s parents, Nana and Gramps, but they weren’t very hands-on with them like Karen was. It was like they’d forgotten how to be around children. Kate watched Karen and thought, Why did Pete keep her away from us for so long?
After Lily and Maggie got bored of adult company and retreated to their bedrooms to play with their new toys, Kate found herself alone with Karen and the nerves returned. But her mother-in-law simply took her by the hand, looked at her with concern, and asked: ‘How are you?’
‘I’m fine, I’m fine,’ Kate immediately replied, her stock response to anyone who asked except Erin.
‘I’ve been there, remember. I know what it’s like being on your own with two young children, wondering if you’ll ever see their father again. I know it’s a lot. You’re angry, you’re frightened, you’re angry all over again. I get it.’
‘I’m so angry!’ Kate blurted out. ‘I’m sorry, Karen, I know he’s your son but I’m so bloody angry! And I’m terrified. And I’m worried. And I’m wondering how much longer I can hold it all together. I feel like the seams could burst at any given minute
