There were so many things that they needed to talk about if they were going to have a future together. He’d never spoken to her about kids – did she like them? Did she want any of her own? There was no way he was having any more children, he was done with nappies and sleepless nights. But what if she did? And how much effort was she prepared to make with Lily and Maggie? They would always be in his life and it was important to him that she understood that. Did she expect them to get married at some point? He wasn’t sure he had it in him for another wedding. These were fundamental questions, he knew, but right now he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answers. All he wanted to do was drink wine, eat glorious food and have a wonderful evening with the woman he loved. The rest could wait for now.
But he didn’t change his mind after all. Even when he woke up the next day with a slight red wine hangover, he’d turned to look at Claire, sleeping soundly next to him and he still felt the same. He wanted to move to France with her and have a new, better life. And now that he’d decided he could relax, enjoy the next couple of days and put off dealing with the reality of it all until he got back home.
But time always flies when you’re having fun and within what felt like seconds, he was in a taxi on his way home from the airport. His bubble of bliss had burst, sending him back down to the real world with a resounding thump. As they said goodbye, he had kissed Claire deeply and told her that he was going to set the wheels in motion immediately. She had looked at him with such delight that he could still picture her face now. But as soon as he put his key in the lock and the children rushed up to him, shouting ‘Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,’ he knew that now wasn’t the right time. He enveloped them in a hug before looking up to greet Kate, who had emerged from the kitchen and was leaning up against the bannister.
‘Good trip?’ she asked him.
‘It was all right, you know how these things are. A bit dull and a lot of schmoozing people but it has to be done.’
‘Well, welcome home,’ she said, smiling at him.
‘How have things been here?’
‘Oh fine, nothing to report, same old,’ she replied. ‘I’ll carry on with dinner.’ And with that she turned and walked back into the kitchen. He was hardly expecting balloons and a welcome back banner but her dismissiveness of him strengthened his resolve. This is the right decision, he thought. There’s no love or affection here anymore. But then he looked down at his two daughters, gazing up at him adoringly and fighting for his attention and he felt awful all over again. This was exhausting. He peeled the children off him and followed them into the living room, collapsing on to the sofa and staring at the TV, which was halfway through a My Little Pony film. They both jumped up next to him and snuggled down. He closed his eyes, just for a second, and before he knew it he was fast asleep.
The next day, Claire messaged him to tell him that she had given notice on the flat and told the temp agency that she was leaving. It was so easy for her, she had no real responsibilities at home. But he had to decide how to end his marriage and in the meantime, he had to act totally normally around his family. And to make matters worse, they had that bloody holiday to Greece coming up and he couldn’t think of a way out of it. He was dreading telling Claire about it.
‘Why can’t you just leave her now? You’ve made up your mind, so there’s no point prolonging the agony.’ Claire had said when they met up a few days later. ‘Just do it now and come and live with me in the flat until we move in a few weeks.’
‘It’s tempting, Claire, it is, but I have some things I need to sort out, loose ends to tie up. Look, I know it’s hard for you but we’re doing this, we’re moving to France so bear with me for a little bit longer and it will all be worth it, I promise.’
He didn’t mention Greece. In truth, the reason he hadn’t done it yet was because he was terrified. Terrified of telling Kate, of seeing the hurt in his children’s eyes as he tried to explain that Daddy was moving away, and terrified that he was making a colossal mistake. Sometimes he felt so overwhelmingly certain that this was the right thing to do and other times he literally thought that he was going to have a panic attack about it all. Often it just felt surreal, like he was dreaming and at some point he’d wake up and realise that none of this was actually happening to him. As days turned into weeks and the moving date inched ever closer, he still failed to tell Kate he was leaving her and the children started chattering excitedly about the upcoming holiday. They were due to fly the following week.
Over drinks with Dan in the pub one evening after work, he confessed his predicament. He’d already told Dan and Carl about the possible move to France but this was the first time he’d admitted to anyone that it was actually happening.
‘Jesus, Pete, what are you playing at?’ Dan asked. ‘You’re talking about moving to another country with another woman and you still haven’t told your wife? I’m sorry, mate, but that’s not on at all. You need to deal with it. Stop being a dick.’
The truth hurt but Pete knew his friend
