I look just past him to Kiera in her inner tube. She shoots me two thumbs-up, a huge grin plastered on her face. “See you tonight,” I echo.
I head back to the dock, chucking the donut onto the worn wood, purposefully avoiding Blake’s gaze. I go to push myself up, stopping short when her hand reaches out to help me.
My fingers slide into her palm, and she pulls me up until her face is inches from mine. My gaze moves from her honey-brown eyes to her lips, then back again.
The same moment with Matt a moment ago.
Only this time, my heart can’t keep time in my chest.
I pull my hand away, quickly stepping back.
“You heading back up?” she asks.
“Uh, yeah,” I say, pushing my hair behind my ear.
“I want to grab some water from the dining hall,” she says as she grabs her sketchbook off the dock.
We head up the forest path to the lodge, the trees wrapping around us as we walk, her hand bumping lightly against mine. I cross my arms to stop it from happening.
The path narrows so she steps ahead of me, and I watch as she tucks the pencil she was using behind her ear, calling back to me, “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah,” I say, unsure of what she’s going to say.
“Are you avoiding me?”
“What? No!”
She turns around to look at me, her eyes searching my face for a long moment. Finally, she nods, clearly not buying it. “All right. Sure.”
We keep walking, but I can tell she’s upset. I reach for her arm as we step out of the woods, the lodge coming into view. “Blake, I—”
“Why Matt?” she asks, cutting me off as she whips around to face me. “You told me that it didn’t feel right that day we had the picnic. If it didn’t work out the first time… if it didn’t feel right the second time or the third time or the fourth time… why do you still want to be with him?”
“I…” I hesitate, opening my mouth to reply, my mind scrambling for an answer. “Because he’s a great guy, Blake. He’s nice and sweet and reliable and my mom always wanted me to be with him, especially after she got sick. And now, after doing the list, I feel like this is what she would want me to do. I feel like all of it has led me to this moment, where it’s actually going to work.”
Blake nods, holding my gaze as she processes what I’m saying. “So, you think that by doing the list and by becoming more like the person you were, things are just going to suddenly work out between the two of you?”
“Yeah,” I say, rising to the challenge. “I do.”
“Doesn’t that completely erase what you’ve been through, though? Who you’ve become because of what happened? Who you are now?”
I don’t have an answer for that.
I cross my arms and look away, at the path leading back to the lake.
“Let me just ask you. Is this what you want, Emily?” she says.
She’s asking more than just that. I can see it in her eyes and in the way she says it.
“Yeah,” I say, drawing a line in the sand. “It is.”
“Okay,” she says, nodding. “Got it.” She turns on her heel and heads quickly up the steps of Huckabee Lodge, leaving me standing there, watching her go.
26
“Tonight’s the night, Em,” Kiera says as she leans back, appraising her makeup-application skills. I turn right and left, checking myself in the bathroom mirror. Kiera cuts me off though as she leans forward, sweeping on another layer of mascara for good measure.
I’m wearing an off-white floral-print dress that I am not a huge fan of, but Matt said he liked it this past spring on a date, so it feels a bit like a good-luck charm. My long brown hair is half up, and gently wavy thanks to Kiera’s skills with a curling iron.
With a satisfied nod, she turns to meet my eyes, pointing the mascara tube at me. “This list is getting done tonight at the bonfire. The grand finale. You’re officially getting your J. C. back.”
Done. I can hardly believe it. I look at the paper, unfolded on the bathroom counter, the multicolor check marks next to almost every number.
“And, I mean, we can find a four-leaf clover before we board the bus tomorrow,” she says with a wave of her hand. “It can’t be that hard.”
I’m going to have to get up pretty damn early. I’ve literally looked the entire month of July. This thing is about as elusive as you can get.
Unless you’re Blake, I think, remembering her stack on our picnic.
I lean against the counter as she zips up her makeup bag, biting my lip warily. Is it okay that I still haven’t found it? Am I ready for this next step with Matt, the “grand finale” as she called it, even though I haven’t?
I look at myself in the mirror one more time, letting out a long exhale before following Kiera out of the bathroom. Blake’s sitting on the edge of her bed, and my jaw nearly drops when I see her.
I’ve seen her a million times this summer, but not like this.
The thin line of eyeliner and the gloss on her lips and the coating of mascara emphasize her features and sweep them into a level of beautiful that is both hard to look at and impossible to look away from.
Kiera lets out a wolf whistle, nodding, and I remind myself my admiration is totally normal. Blake is objectively hot. It doesn’t have to mean anything. “Looking good, Blake!” she says, before rubbing her hands together in excitement. “All right, team! Game plan for item number twelve. Sealing the deal with Matt.”
She grabs my hand, plunking me down on the bed next to Blake. My cheeks instantly turn red as
