“Really? You never told me that.” I gaped at her as a spark of shock traveled through me. “You don’t think he could have had anything to do with her death, do you?” The words were out of my mouth before I could think better of it and keep them to myself.
“I mentioned him as a possible suspect to Lancaster and Wright at the time. Mr. Paisley had a solid alibi. He’d been in the bar all night, sitting in his usual spot.”
“Why did the paper peg it on Luke and not him?” I asked out loud, more to myself than Mom.
“Poor journalism. That’s all that was.” Mom spit this out with enough venom to kill a grown man with her tongue. “Poor Luke. What’s Cole say about it now?”
“He says that Luke’s fine and not to worry about him.”
“I still believe it was someone she knew,” Mom said.
“The detectives didn’t think so.” I said this as if this were new information. Mom and I had been over this dozens of times over the years. I’d come to think of it as her very own loop. Instead of the same day played over and over, it was her endless sorting through the facts of the case. A loop that would not end until we found out the truth. Which we most likely never would. Unless the journal revealed something that led us to the answers we wanted. As much as I’d wanted to tell her what I’d found, I needed more time to read through all the passages. There was no reason to get her upset until I knew more.
“Yes, I know, sweetie. But, as you know, I disagree. The way she died, well, it indicates someone enraged in a very personal way.” Mom pushed her glasses farther up her nose. She’d recently gotten new ones with large blue frames that matched the color of her eyes.
“Cole asked me out on a date,” I said. “For dinner.”
“He did? How funny.”
“Funny?”
“Not funny in a bad way. It’s simply that after all these years, it would seem you’re to finally have your wish. Cole Paisley has returned to Logan Bend.”
I made a sound between a laugh and scoff. “What’re you talking about?”
“I know you’ve thought about him a lot over the years. You haven’t exactly kept that a secret.”
I didn’t deny it. There was no use pretending otherwise with my mother. She knew my secret longings. Mothers always do. Or did they? Beth had kept a large secret from both of us.
“Did you say yes to the dinner date?” Mom peered at me. The twinkle in her eyes surprised me.
“I did.” I smiled, thinking of his hard mouth on mine. “And when he walked me to my car just now, he kissed me.”
She plucked three peas out of a pod. “My, oh my. He moves fast.”
“Mom, it won’t hurt you if I get involved with him, will it?”
She didn’t say anything as she picked another pea from the pile between us. “Honey, I appreciate you worrying about my feelings. But whether or not you date someone from high school doesn’t make me think more or less about Beth. People are always so worried to bring her up—afraid to make me remember she’s gone, as if I’d ever forget.”
“Do I do that?”
“A little.”
“I’m sorry. I just worry about you.”
“And I worry a lot about you.”
The breeze brought the scent of roses. “I’ve felt, sometimes, that it was wrong to ever feel happy because Beth couldn’t.”
“She wouldn’t want that. She’d want you to have a joyful life, full of love and adventure.”
“I wonder what she’d say about Cole and me.” I smiled thinking of how she’d teased me about Cole. “She used to make fun of me about my secret crush on him.” My throat constricted. “I never got to tell her how we finally admitted our feelings and kissed on the Ferris wheel.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie.” She took off her glasses to wipe under her eyes with the backs of her fingers. “She would’ve been delighted for you.”
“I’m going over to his house tonight. He’s cooking for me. I feel like a teenager all over again.”
She put her glasses back on and picked up another peapod. “Was it strange to see him?”
“Yes and no. Very quickly it seemed as if no time had passed. He and I were close friends for years and years. I never felt like I had to pretend to be dumber than I was just to get him to like me. It was like that today too. Maybe it’s spending time with someone who knew you when you were young. Like a shared language or something.”
She patted my knee. “Don’t overthink it. If you like him, see where it goes.”
I tilted my head to rest my cheek against her shoulder. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Love you, sweetie.”
“I love you, Mom.”
We finished the last of the peas without speaking, enjoying our easy companionship.
“Well, we made quick work of that.” Mom brushed her hands and looked out to the garden. “How will we ever get this place ready for sale?”
“Cole’s a retired contractor. He made a lot of money flipping houses in California. We could have him come out and give us some estimates.”
“Maybe we should wait and see how the date goes.” She smiled, looking impish.
“Speaking of which, I think I’ll text him.” I flushed, as if I were still in high school and about to call him. “Just to confirm our plans.”
Laughing, Mom rose to her feet. “You do that. I’m going inside for a glass of water.”
I handed her the bowl of peas. “I’ll get rid of the shells for you.”
She nodded and walked to the screen door. Before she went inside, she looked back at me. “Don’t hesitate to snatch up happiness if it comes your way. You
