His bus’ness is photo engraving,
But he’s never quite free from a craving
To up and fare forth
To the lakes of the North
And see how the carps are behaving.
Jacob Miller
Editor and Steward, Chicago
When Jake got too big for his job
As chef, how us gourmands did sob!
He could fool with a crow
For ten minutes or so,
And make you believe it a squab.
Arthur J. Mitchell
Investments, Chicago
When it comes to investing your kale,
This guy is as safe as the mail,
But out on the links—
Well, the caddy, me thinks,
Is looking goshawfully pale.
John J. Mitchell
Banker, Chicago
When John and the bank were a pair
Of youngsters, John wanted the chair,
The bank and John both
Now have their full growth,
And the chair—well, you notice who’s there!
Harry Moir
Prop. Morrison Hotel, Chicago
If you wait in the Morrison foyer
You’ll encounter my friend, Harry Moir;
While he serves toothsome courses,
His own tastes run to horses—
Excuse me. Goodbye! Au revoir!
S. E. Moist
Union Piano Co., Chicago
When you hear this cognomen at foist,
You say, “I am dry and he’s Moist.”
But his keys, let me tell yer,
Won’t open no cellar,
Though they do into melody boist.
Chas. B. Moore
Vice-Pres, American Bond & Mortgage Co., Chicago
In Charles there’s no feeling of guilt;
’Twas a bear that he meant should be kilt.
And I cannot see why
The farmer should cry
Over milk unavoidably spilt.
W. R. Moorhouse
Of Cory, Moorehouse & Co., Insurance, Chicago
When this party comes out to play,
The pigeons thank God they’re but clay
He loves to shoot traps,
But I’d rather shoot craps,
Though I always come out the same way.
Waller Morton
Stock Broker, Chicago
“If I weren’t so busy,” says Waller,
“I’d make a few golf slicker holler.
But with food and with fires
Sky high, one acquires
Respect for our old friend the dollar.”
G. E. Muehleback
Capitalist, Kansas City, Mo.
The gent we see here has the Blues;
Not the kind which the saxophones use,
Though all Kansas City
Moans “Oh, what a pity!”
Whenever these Blues of his lose.
Wilbur D. Nesbit
Advertising Agency Man, Chicago
It seems sort of kind of absurd
For me to be versing this bird,
Who, when he has time,
Can write better rhyme
Than any I’ve written or heard.
W. G. Nicholson
Banker, Detroit
Says he: “I’ve installed in my bank
A machine gun, a pill box, a tank.
Do the dear petermen
Call around now and then?
No, they don’t to be perfectly frank.”
Col. L. M. Nicolson
Assistant to President, Montgomery Ward & Co.
Some days when the work’s a bit slack,
“Old Nic” spends an hour looking back
To the cowboyhood years
When he could rope steers
As now he can lasso the jack.
Thomas O’Connor
Chief Chicago Fire Department
When the Chief joins the heavenly choir,
The H.C. of L. will go higher,
For surer than Fate
They will double the rate
For insuring your home against fire.
Alfred O’Gara
Pres. U.S. Airplane Exhibition Co., Chicago
In Yellows I always get nervous
And holler out, “Heaven preserve us!”
I wonder how I
Will feel when I try
O’Gara’s new taxiplane service.
Senator John F. Overfield
Oil, etc., Independence, Kansas
Well, here is a regular whale!
And, Kid, he’s got bundles of kale.
He don’t have to toil
Nor drill for no oil,
For he’s got a mountain of Shale.
John E. Owens
Lawyer, Chicago
He caught it hissilf, Johnny Owens;
He tould me in could sober towens.
I b’lave him, I do,
But if it ain’t thrue,
Sure I hope that he’ll choke on the bowens.
Arthur A. Patterson
Pres. E. R. Moore Co., Chicago
When you’re ready to take your degree,
Plain B.A. or Double L.D.,
This Patterson chap
Will supply gown and cap—
And he doubles all bids above three.
Ferdinand W. Peck
Capitalist, Chicago
He recalls when the Loop was a thicket,
When Bryan first ran on the ticket,
And when drinks were still sold.—
Oh, yes, he is old,
But what of Old Age? He can lick it!
Lt. Col. N. M. Percy
Surgeon, Chicago
A doughboy, preserved by God’s mercy
And the skill of a surgeon, said “Nursey,
Will you tell me why
This he-guy from Chi
Travels round with a title like ‘Percy’?”
C. S. Peterson
Pres. Peterson Linotyping Co., Chicago
When there’s nothing in sight he can print,
He taketh a critical squint
At some valuable oil,
A landscape or goil,
And farewell to the October rint!
Dr. W. S. Phillips
Pres. Aviation Club of Chicago
He tells me the time will come soon
When we’ll fly to New York before noon.
I’m thinking we might
Start out early that night
And see if it’s dry on the moon.
Charles Piez
Pres. and Treas. Link-Belt Co., Chicago
Just now you behold him at ease,
But war days were nothing like these.
You’ve all heard before
That ships won the war,
And who built the ships? Charley Piez.
George Plant
Manager Stillson’s, Chicago
The return of the doughboys from France
Seemed to put lots of life in some Plants,
But they withered again
When Pat Moran’s men
Ripped holes in Kid Glearon’s best Sox.
Conrad H. Poppenhusen
Lawyer, Chicago
They say he spills language in court
Of a most Ciceronian sort,
But out at Old Ellum,
He’s able to tell ’em
The statutes in words that are short.
Guy Bates Post
Actor, New York City
Says I to myself: “Of the host
Of actors our country can boast,
There’s many a hick
Who can act like a
