And when I have got
Through making a shot,
The guys playing with me look sick.
John Fletcher
Banker, Chicago
A banker, most people surmise,
Has nothing to do but look wise.
But if you ask Fletch
He’ll offer, poor wretch,
To trade jobs with a lot of you guys.
Herman Friestedt
Contractor, Chicago
They praise the cantonments he built
In the towns where our soldiers were drilt,
But he’s modestasell
Till you ask him to tell
About the last moose that he kilt.
Col. John J. Garrity
Supt. Of Police, Chicago
This, ladies and gents, is our chief.
His speeches are pointed and brief,
But he certainly slips
The bandits and dips
A mouthful of terror and grief.
Geo. F. Getz
Pres. Globe Coal Co., Chicago
When you have a few days to spare,
Go up and see George Getz’s bear
And the rest of his zoo;
It will interest you.
But the meals are the greatest things there.
Harry R. Gibbons
County Treasurer, Chicago
We both like the Sox, him and me,
Though in politics we don’t agree,
But I’m bound to remark
That he makes Rogers Park
Pretty safe for Democarasee.
William A. (Kid) Gleason
Manager White Sox, Chicago
If I had a ball club in Chi
Or Boston, Detroit, or N.Y.,
I’d say to this bird:
“Please give me your word
That you’ll manage my team till you die.”
John M. Glenn
Sec. Illinois Manufacturers Assn., Chicago
A picture of John? I’ve a strong
Suspicion that something is wrong;
In fact I will stake
My life it’s a fake—
He never sat still so darn long.
George Golde
Merchant, Cincinnati
He once carried shirts of all hues:
Plain white ones and pink ones and blues;
But now he asks all
The salesmen who call:
“Have you got any Reds we could use?”
J. P. Graver
Manufacturer, Chicago
His idears and mine are the same
In the great piscatorial game;
If you sit still and wait,
And a fish finds you bait,
The fish is entirely to blame.
Lelan O. Green
Dentist, Chicago
A dentist who play a cornet!
And nobody’s poisoned him yet?
No, they don’t even knock
The musical doc—
He’s his patients’ and audience’s pet.
Gene Greene
Vaudeville Star, Chicago
A story that everyone knows
Or a song that’s as old as my clo’es
When the average guy
Tries to pull it, will die.
But give it to Gene and it goes!
Bennett Griffin
Insurance Man, Chicago
“You need life insurance,” he’ll urge,
And when you are just on the verge
Of telling him “No,”
Out come fiddle and bow
And he changes your mind with a dirge.
George F. Harding
City Comptroller, Chicago
You covet his office? Go to it.
It’s a tough one, however you view it.
The garbage guys say:
“Give us our back pay!”
And the council replies: “Let George do it!”
John P. Harding
Hotel Operator, Chicago
Hotel men have plenty to do
And some of them never get through
But Johnny, I’ll state,
Is seldom too late
For his afternoon tee at Glen View.
C. M. Harpster
Surgeon, Toledo
Toledo would not be without
Doc Harpster, a dandy old scout
Who won reputation
With one operation:
Removing the bones from a trout.
Wells W. Hawtin
Pres. Hawtin Companies, Chicago
He says if we’d all advertise
By mail, we would get more replies.
He’s acquired, they say,
In this shrewd “Hawtin way,”
A “stock” that’s a sight for sore eyes.
Dan Hayes, Jr.
Real Estate and Breeder of Harness Race Horses, Chicago
He could make better speed on a train
Or a high-powered “aero-plane”
But they tell me that his
Dream of Paradise is
To fly behind Alix again.
Wm. J. Healy
Trustee Sanitary District, Chicago
I don’t know what hobby is yours;
Whether fishing or motoring tours,
Or hunting out West
Is what you like best,
But this guy is wild about sewers.
Charles Herendeen
Flour Manufacturer, Chicago
Charles Herendeen—Fiends call him Pop.
When there’s a golf prohibition, he’ll stop.
If they had the North Sea
For a water hole, he
Would smile and shoot over the top.
August Herrmann
Pres. Cincinnati Reds, Cincinnati
Most Yankees with names that were German
Had reason to b’lieve Mr. Sherman,
But even in war
Everybody was for
A real guy like old “Garry” Herrmann.
U. J. (Sport) Herrmann
Mgr. Cort Theater, Chicago
Of this party I beg to report
That he is a regular sport.
He’d give you his yacht
Or whatever he’s got.
(I’ll take two downstairs at the Cort.)
James O. Heyworth
Engineer and Contractor, Chicago
Although he has had some career
As contractor and eke engineer,
I b’lieve he’s best known
By the sportsmanship shown
In the Mackinac race every year.
Peter M. Hoffman
Coroner, Chicago
Pete Hoffman, who sure has a gay time,
With never a hay time or play time,
Desires to know why,
If a guy has to die,
He can’t pull it off in the daytime.
Woodward Holmes
Tailor, Chicago
He’ll make you a stylish and cute,
Good looking, and up-to-date suit,
Or, if you prefer,
He’ll make you, dear sir,
A three-cushion shot that’s a beaut.
E. W. Houser
Pres. Barnes-Crosby Co., Chicago
It’s your turn, E. W.—Now, sir,
I’ll ask you to stand up and bow, sir.
You tell me you are
Some fresh, water tar,
So—Your health in fresh water: Here’s Houser.
Maclay Hoyne
States Attorney, Chicago
So long as a man is OK,
He won’t run afoul of Maclay.
You’re his friend if you’re right;
If you’re not, why good night!
You’ll notice I’m moving away.
Thomas D. Huff
Lawyer, Chicago
When the Latin-Americans seek
His advice, and his service bespeak,
With pleasure they roar
As they read on his door—
“Gone fishing. Be back in a week.”
John Irwin
Wholesale Meats, Chicago
Next to selling large orders of meats,
He thinks it’s the greatest of treats
To go down and wade
Through a damp Everglade
And hunt for big game, like
