There ain’t no such thing
If you carry insurance with Coffin.
Charles A. Comiskey
Pres. White Sox, Chicago
I trust that Son Lou won’t be mad
If I’m silent concerning his dad,
But there’s not room to start
On the good in his heart,
And I don’t know of anything bad.
J. T. Connery
Coal Man and Pres. Edgewater Beach Hotel, Chicago
He thought that our city was short
On hotels of the classier sort,
So he put up a peach
Called the Edgewater Beach
And made Chi a summer resort.
Judge Geo. A. Cooke
Lawyer, Chicago
The judge used to pack up his grip
And hunt coons on the old Mississip’,
Till one time a bee,
Who shared the coon’s tree,
Gave his honor a kiss on the lip.
David Copland
Vice Pres. General American Tank Car Corp., Chicago
Now, David, don’t vent all your spleen
On the stick or the caddy. That’s mean.
You can’t help but dub
At a regular club
With a Lincoln Park hat on your bean.
F. A. Cotharin
Insurance Man, Chicago
Has he sold insurance to you?
Well, brother, he landed me, too.
But I’ve figured how I
Can get even: I’ll die
Before there’s a premium due.
Frederick D. Countiss
Banker and Broker, Chciago
He’d have much more jack, I am sure,
If he gave much less jack to the poor
A disease of this sort
May not cut life short,
But I’m told there’s no permanent cure.
F. A. Crandall
Banker, Chicago
“Haw! Haw!” lauged the trout, “and Hee! Hee!”
But he’s laughing too soon, seems to me,
And I’ll bet him two flies
That if Crandall just tries,
He’ll catch every fish in that tree.
Thos. Cusack
Sign Painter, Chicago
Tom sees that Chciago gets nearly
A whole change of scenery yearly.
If you can afford
To pay for your board
You’ll soon b’lieve in signs most sincerely.
Charles H. Dean
Sporting Goods Manufacturer, Chicago
He dresses the noble athlete
From his conk to his beautiful feet,
And unless Charley Dean
Is plain to be seen,
A meet is not really a meet.
Ex-Gov. Chas. S. Deneen
Lawyer, Chicago
Republicans, since he’s been boss,
Have forgot how to spell the word “loss.”
Seldom heard, seldom seen
Is Charley Deneen,
But he certainly puts it across.
P. L. Deutsch
Asst. Sec’y Brunswick-Balke-Collender Co., Chicago
When he dubs with his brassey, P. L.
Merely utters a placid “Well! Well!”
An unprofane “Bli me!”
Is all for a stymie,
But when it’s a slice he says, “&%$#.”
John B. De Voney
Real Estate, Chicago
De Voney appears to know Lots;
His head’s full of Stories and Plots.
He tells you three Stories
(And basement)—Before he’s
Half through, you will sign on the dots.
J. W Douglass
Stock Broker, Chicago
You’d think ’twas this party’s ambition
To sell you some Hoozis-Ignition,
But when he talks stocks,
Remember, old sox,
That he’d a lot rather be fishin’!
George B. Dryden
Pres. Dryden Rubber Co., Chicago
He can shoot with a cue or a gun, he
Can catch mountain trout by the ton, he
Can drive a mean race
In the 2:07 pace,
And furthermore, he can make money
Harry W. Dubiske
Investment Banker, Chicago
He teaches young salesmen to sell,
An art that he seems to know well.
I suppose he will try
To teach them to buy …
If we ever survive the dry spell.
Robert J. Dunham
V.-Pres. Armour & Co., Chicago
It’s up to a newspaper man
To knock all the packers he can,
So what can I say
About Robert J.?
There’s nothing about him to pen.
J. C. Dunn
Railroad Contractor and Pres. Cleveland Indians, Chicago
I’m informed that he tells stories well,
But the only one I’ve heard him tell
Is the story about
How his Indians lost out—
“But next year we’ll sure givemell!”
Ex. Gov. E. F. Dunne
Lawyer, Chicago
I’m one of the number of ones
Who’ll vote for him next time he runs
And he’ll win by a length
If he polls the full strength
Of the seemingly endless young Dunnes.
Clarence A. Earl
Automobile Manufacturer, Toledo
He works, but he works with a smile,
For his Overland’s earned its pile,
But I’ll bet the cigars
They’d have sold some more cars
If they’d advertised once in a while.
Albert N. Eastman
Lawyer, Chicago
Where thunders the mighty Shoshone;
Where the glaciers sweep by with a groan,
On the trail of the bear,
In the porcupine’s lair,
Al. Eastman comes into his own.
Col. Chas. H. Ebbets
Pres. Brooklyn National League Baseball Club, Brooklyn
The Robins show up in Spring,
But if Charley were running the thing
I b’lieve in a few years
He’d make ’em start New Year’s
And play ill the Christmas bells ring.
Wm. G. Edens
Banker and Pres. Ill. Highway Impr. Assn., Chicago
We see him with shovel and pick,
But he uses, as well, a big stick
And with it as a threat,
He’s hoping we’ll get
Some decent roads pretty dam quick
Howard Elting
Paint Manufacturer, Chicago
The Oil and Paint world is his sphere;
Yet somehow this seems rather queer,
For when you know him well
It is easy to tell
He’s a man without any veneer.
Victor Elting
Lawyer, Chicago
He was loaded for bear or for hare
Or for moose or whatever was there,
But I never guessed
Till Victor got dressed
That showshoes were really to wear.
Uriah S. Epperson
Pres. Epperson Land & Inv. Co., Kansas City, Mo.
His initials spell “Use” and I’ve heard
Kansas City makes use of this bird.
When the town wants to buy a
New park, it’s Uriah
Who slips the dear public the word.
Samuel A. Ettelson
Corporation Counsel, Chicago
They couldn’t have chosen a wiser
Protector of Chi than this guy, sir.
I saw Samuel play
In a ball game one day,
And I’ll say he’s some legal adviser
Chas. (Chick) Evans
Writer, Chicago
In some things I’m very like Chick—
An iron’s my
