Every jar, every bump,
Every hollow or hump
Means a future for Portland Cement.
Geo. S. Albaugh
Manufacturer, Chicago
On the walls of his den may be scanned
More horns than in John Sousa’s band,
And even the sofie’s
All covered with trophies,
So when you go in there, you stand.
J. N. Armstrong
Mgr. Western Union, Chicago
He was wounded, you know, at the Marne,
And I asked him to spin me the yarn,
“It might have been worse
But for that little nurse.”
He said, and turned red as a barn.
Col. Bion J. Arnold
Engineer, Chicago
It’s nice to have Bion around;
His words of advice are so sound.
During war, they declare,
He was up in the air,
But now he is back on the ground.
Nathan Ascher
Movie Exhibitor, Chicago
It isn’t my custom to speak
Disparagingly of a geek,
But I have lost faith in
The vigor of Nathan—
He ain’t built a playhouse this week.
Phil DeC. Ball
Owner St. Louis Browns, St. Louis
Ball is this gentleman’s name
And ball is this gentleman’s game.
His ball club is down
In another man’s town
But I’m pulling for him just the same
Jas. A. Ballard
Sales Manager, Semet Solvay Co., Detroit
When the coal pile gets dang’rously slim,
I send a rush order to Jim,
Who, bless his old soul,
Soaks me no more for coal
Than if I were a stranger to him.
F. L. Bateman
Pres. Trans-Continental Freight Co., Chicago
I’m grateful to you, Mr. Bateman,
For being a prominent freightman.
If the rest of this mob
Had rhymed with their job,
I’d have worked at much faster a rate, man.
Richard Beamish
Managing Editor Philadelphia Press, Philadelphia
Dick laughs till his bosom is sore,
When he reads of the Cheese-Cutters’ roar
For a seven-hour day.
“Keeps me hustling,” he’ll say,
“To get through in a scant twenty-four.”
Ross J. Beatty
Steel Manufacturer, Chicago
The onlookers haven’t a real
Excuse for the terror they feel,
For this guy’s a peach
At tempering speech
As well as at tempering steel.
John D. Black
Lawyer, Chicago
My Pal Rockefeller told me
That the Standard Oil Com’ny would be
In the down and out class
If ’twere not for the gas
that it sells to this other John D.
H. H. Blum
Dealer in Women’s Wear, Chicago
When she entered, it didn’t occur
To this dame that she needed a fur.
But there’s little doubt
That when she walks out,
He’ll see that the fur is on her.
John Borden
Capitalist, Chicago
In peace times his boat is a yacht,
But during the war, it was not.
If John hadn’t came
Across with the same,
The Kaiser might still speak to Gott.
Ralph Bradley
General Counsel North Shore Electric, Chicago
He could ride on a pass from the boss
And save time without coming across
With whatever’s the fare,
But he’d miss the fresh air,
And there’s always a seat on a hoss.
F. A. Brewer
Investment Banker, Chicago
In spite of the rumors, I doubt
That Canada still has some trout,
Anyway, they’re much fewer,
And old F. A. Brewer
Admits he’s fished most of them out.
Col. Benj. G. Brinkman
Banker, and Chrm. Board, St. Louis Cardinals, St. Louis
He’s at home in a sieve or a tub,
A launch, or a yacht, or a sub,
And furthermore he’s
The whole doggone cheese
Of St. Louis’s big Liederkranz club.
A. F. Brockman
Dept. Mgr., The Fair, Chicago
Some guys—we’ve all met quite a few—
Can’t seem to go straight or aim true.
“Brock” doesn’t play their way;
He sticks to the Fair way
In golf and in business, too.
John E. Bruce
Lawyer, Cincinnati
This lawyer need not introduce
The law and the facts—what’s the use?
He can win a big case
As he won a big place
In our hearts: Just being John Bruce.
Edward J. Brundage
Attorney General of Illinois
I like you, Ed Brundage, that’s clear;
Else your map wouldn’t loom up in here;
But I like you less well
Since you ruled they could sell
Nothing stronger than half per cent beer.
Col. Geo. T. Buckingham
Lawyer, Chicago
He’ll make you a speech if you wish,
Or tell you what legal posish
You stand in, because
He knows all the laws,
Especially those about fish.
Eugene Byfield
Manager Hotel Sherman, Chicago
Gene Byfield plays polo quite well,
And polo is rougher thanell,
More dang’rous, they say,
Than fighting your way
To the desk at the Sherman Hotel.
Geo. B. Caldwell
Pres. Sperry & Hutchinson Co. New York City
Most housewives think this guy is charming
And I do hate to spread the alarming
Report that I’ve heard
Concerning the bird:
He’s Insane on Intensified Farming.
Richard Carle
Actor, Long Branch, N.J.
Most stars will acknowledge real quick
That most other stars make ’em sick,
But no rival star’ll
Speak ill of Dick Carle,
Which says a whole jawful for Dick.
Edward B. Carson
Pres. Carson Petroleum Co., Chicago
He plays, when he’s through with his “toil,”
Straight jackpots according to Hoyle,
But even that game
Must seem rather tame
To one used to no limit Oil.
Wm. H. Clare
U.S. Government Official, Chicago
I hear they’ve appointed this guy
Collector of Customs in Chi.
I wish we could trust him
To unearth the custom
Of buying a drink when you’re dry.
Philip R. Clarke
Pres. Federal Securities Corp., Chicago
He cannot see any good reason
Why God made the winter to freeze in.
If it were left out,
He’d insist, this old scout,
On an all-the-year-round baseball season.
Frank R. Coates
Pres. Toledo Railways & Light Co., Toledo
He’s got us all coming his way; lights
Our houses at night, and when daylight’s
Supplanted the stars,
We ride on his cars
And swarm to root for his “Rail-lights.”
F. Y. Coffin
Insurance Man, Chicago
Strong men seem to die pretty offin;
The hardest of hard guys do soffin;
Bus
