Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

What if you like to wear camo pants and a baseball hat? What if a guy enjoys ballet? What if you enjoy baseball over gymnastics? What if you like short hair? What if you aren’t interested in kissing boys? That’s cool. It’s about expressing your personal preferences, which is what teens on the road toward independence and adulthood are supposed to be doing. Some people, though, might not be comfortable with your individuality and might call you names. Teens, as we’re sure you know, can be cruel with their name calling, and one of the names you’ll hear for guys who do things that are considered more “girly” is “faggot” or “homo.” Girls who like things that are more popular with boys might be called “dykes” or “lesbians.” These words are hurtful. Doing things differently or having certain interests doesn’t mean anything about a person’s sexual orientation.

Straight or Gay

So what IS sexual orientation? First of all, sexual orientation is not at all about how you look. It may not even be about whom you have kissed. It is really about who you are attracted to in a romantic way. If a male is emotionally and physically attracted in a mature romantic way to another male, then he is homosexual. Same goes for females attracted to females—they are homosexual. The word homosexual means the same thing as the word gay. Homosexual women are also called lesbians. Some people use hurtful words when talking about gay people, but the most respectful words to use are gay and lesbian.

There are also some people who are sexually attracted to both males and females. They are called bisexual. If a male is attracted to females or a female is attracted to males, they are heterosexual. Ninety percent of the people in the world are heterosexual.

But love is love. We can’t always help who we fall in love with. The world is filled with enough hatred and violence. We should never hate people for loving others—even if it means they are gay.

Am I Gay?

Believe it or not, this question is common and normal, and most young teens wonder about it at some point. Remember, you are trying to figure out who you are sexually, so you may think about all the possibilities. While all this sex stuff is going on in your body and brain, you may find yourself having sexual thoughts about another girl or woman. You will certainly look at other girls when they are undressing in the gym or at a sleepover. You might have even touched another girl in a private or sexual way. Don’t freak out. At your age, this happens sometimes and doesn’t mean anything yet about your sexual orientation. In fact, around age twelve or thirteen, about one in four girls can’t say for sure whether they think they are gay or not. But by age eighteen, only one in twenty girls doesn’t know for sure. That means that during adolescence, most girls figure out and feel comfortable about their sexual orientation. It can be a tough and confusing thing to think you are gay during your teen years. It is really important to find someone you can talk to openly. If you don’t think your parents are the ones, look to a school counselor, doctor, a friend’s parent or other trusted adult.

There is a lot of controversy about whether people choose to be homosexual or whether they are born that way. We aren’t here to answer that question, but it is very important to realize that people are people, and their sexual orientation means nothing about their value as humans. Being gay is not easy in our society because of teasing and discrimination. We should treat each other with respect and tolerance, which is what girls with Girl Power do.

Sex and Power: It Can Be Good, It Can Be Bad

Sexuality is powerful. Advertising companies have used the power of sexual images for many years because it works. Sex sells. They might show a photo of a big-breasted woman on a motorcycle to sell a pair of jeans, but what do her breasts have to do with the jeans? They may show a sexy pair of legs with a sports drink next to them to sell that drink. What do the legs have to do with the sports drink? Absolutely nothing, nada, zippo. But the image of something sexy always seems to get attention. It’s powerful.

We bet some of your classmates have figured this out, too. A special glance, an innocent touch or a certain comment might actually send a message that says, “Hey, look at me, I’m kind of cute, and I’m looking at you . . . yeah you.” That, we’re sure you know, is called flirting. Flirting can be innocent and fun. It’s a way that girls and guys let each other know there’s an interest brewing. On the other hand, flirting can become not so good if it turns into excessive teasing or manipulating behavior.

Sexual Harassment

Sometimes flirting goes too far and may make you feel uncomfortable. For instance, a cute guy in your class starts staring at you, and every time you look at him, he winks. Flattered? Maybe. Let’s say he then starts following you in the halls and whispers comments about how nice your breasts look to him. How does that make you feel? Probably very uncomfortable. This is a form of sexual harassment.

How about if you’re walking through a crowded hallway at school, and someone pinches or fondles your butt. Some girls might think this attention is cool, but unwanted attention of that kind is also a form of sexual harassment.

The more common examples of sexual harassment are when someone uses sexual language, talks about sex, or uses touch or body language in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or threatened. Another type of sexual harassment is when someone asks you to look at photos of naked people or sexual acts (also called pornography). They can even send them to you through the Internet when you don’t even want to look at that stuff. Why would someone do this? It’s a power trip. They are using words, actions or physical contact to feel more powerful than you. Remember, sexual harassment is not only wrong, it is illegal. If you feel like someone is harassing you, it’s time to talk to that good old trusted adult.

When Sex Is a Crime

Unfortunately, there are people in this world who use the power of sex in very bad ways. If an adult forces you or talks you into doing something sexual that you don’t want to do, it’s called sexual abuse. If they take photographs of you naked or doing sexual things, it’s pornography, and that is sexual abuse as well. It’s a way they take advantage of children or teens for their own pleasure or entertainment—sometimes just for the power trip of it. Sexual abusers are not just spooky-looking men, they can be anybody, even adults who supervise kids and seem to like them. Sometimes sexual abuse occurs within families (this is called incest). How can this happen? Abusers will often earn the trust of the child by buying gifts or providing treats, but then they expect the child to keep secrets about what’s happening in private. They may threaten to stop the gifts or even threaten to withdraw love if the child tells anyone. Sometimes they threaten to hurt someone the child loves if the child tells anyone. And even if the child does tell, people may have a hard time believing them. The child might even be afraid that no one will believe them.

No matter who it is—a parent, a coach, a friend of the family, a stepparent, a neighbor—anyone who does this is a criminal, because sexual abuse is illegal, and the abusers are way sick in the head. Unfortunately, it happens more than you would ever imagine. If this has ever happened to you or anyone you know, your first step is to tell an adult who will listen and help. If you aren’t sure who you can tell, a good resource is a school counselor.

Rape

Rape (also called sexual assault) is when someone is forced into