he looks everything. What more can one desire?
JACK
It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, Lady Bracknell,
about your nephew, but the fact is that I do not approve at all of his moral character. I suspect him of being untruthful. [ALGERNON and CECILY look at him in indignant amazement.]
LADY BRACKNELL Untruthful! My nephew Algernon? Impossible! He is an Oxonian.5
JACK I fear there can be no possible doubt about the matter. This afternoon,
during my temporary absence in London on an important question of
romance, he obtained admission to my house by means of the false pretence
of being my brother. Under an assumed name he drank, I've just been
informed by my butler, an entire pint bottle of my Perrier-Jouet, Brut, '89;6
a wine I was specially reserving for myself. Continuing his disgraceful decep
tion, he succeeded in the course of the afternoon in alienating the affections
of my only ward. He subsequently stayed to tea, and devoured every single
muffin. And what makes his conduct all the more heartless is, that he was
perfectly well aware from the first that I have no brother, that I never had
a brother, and that I don't intend to have a brother, not even of any kind. I
distinctly told him so myself yesterday afternoon.
LADY BRACKNELL
Ahem! Mr. Worthing, after careful consideration I have decided entirely to overlook my nephew's conduct to you.
JACK
That is very generous of you, Lady Bracknell. My own decision, how
ever, is unalterable. I decline to give my consent. LADY BRACKNELL [To CECILY.] Come here, sweet child, [CECILY goes over.] How old are you, dear?
5. I.e., he had been a student at Oxford (in medi-6. An outstanding brand and year of dry chameval Latin, Oxonia). pagne.
.
1 736 / OSCAR WILDE
CECILY
Well, I am really only eighteen, but I always admit to twenty when I
go to evening parties.
LADY BRACKNELL
You are perfectly right in making some slight alteration. Indeed, no woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. . . . [In a meditative manner.] Eighteen, but admitting to twenty at evening parties. Well, it will not be very long before you are of age and free from the restraints of tutelage. So I don't think your guardian's consent
is, after all, a matter of any importance.
JACK Pray excuse me, Lady Bracknell, for interrupting you again, but it is
only fair to tell you that according to the terms of her grandfather's will Miss
Cardew does not come legally of age till she is thirty-five.
LADY BRACKNELL
That does not seem to me to be a grave objection. Thirty-
five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very
highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for
years. Lady Dumbleton is an instance in point. To my own knowledge she
has been thirty-five ever since she arrived at the age of forty, which was
many years ago now. I see no reason why our dear Cecily should not be
even still more attractive at the age you mention than she is at present.
There will be a large accumulation of property.
CECILY
Algy, could you wait for me till I was thirty-five?
ALGERNON
