We’re twisted around each other inside slime and sweat and
tear drops, w e’re the wave and the surf, the undercurrent, the
pounding o f the tidal wave halfway around the world banging
the beach on a bright, sunny day, the tide, high tide, low tide,
under the moon or under a black sky, w e’re the sand wet and
hard deserted by the water, the sand under the water, gravel
and shell and m oving claws crawling. I remember this one
woman because I wanted her so bad but something was
wrong, she was lying to me, telling me m y lie but no woman
lies to me. There’s this woman at night I remember, in a
restaurant I go when I’m taking a break, kosher restaurant
with old men waiters, all night it’s open, big room, plain
tables, high ceilings, ballroom high and wide, big, em pty
feeling, old, old building, in N ew Y o rk , wide dow ntow n
street, gray street, fluorescent lights, a greenish light on green
walls, oil paint, green, the old men have thick Jew ish accents,
they’re slow m oving, you can feel their bones aching, I sit
alone over coffee and soup and she’s there at the next table, the
room ’s em pty but she sits at the table next to me, black leather
pants, she’s got black hair, painted black, like I always wanted,
and I want her but I’m her prey because she wants a bow l o f
fucking soup, she’s picked me, she’s coming for me, how did
that happen, how did it get all fucked up, she sees me as the
mark because I’ve got the food which means I’ve got the
money and I can’t go with her now because she has an
underlying bad motive, she wants to eat, and what I feel for
her is complete sex, so I’m the dope; and I don’t do the dopey
part; it’s m y game and she’s playing it on me; she’s got muscles
and I want to see the insides o f her thighs, I want to feel them, I
want her undressed, I want her legs around m y shoulders, she
smiles, asks me how I am; be a fool, tell her how you are. I
look right through her. I stare right through her while I’m
deciding what to do. I ain’t giving; I take. I want to be with
her, I want to be between her legs and all over her and her
thighs a vise around m y neck; I want m y teeth in her; I want
her muscles squeezing me to death and I want to push dow n on
her shoulders and I want m y thighs crushing down on her, all
m y weight on her hips, m y skin, bluish, on the inside o f m y
thighs feeling her bones; but I'm the mark, that’s how she sees
it, and maybe she’s meaner than me, or crazy, or harder, or
feels less, or needs less, so she’s on top and she takes; how
many times have I done what she’s doing now and did they
want me the w ay I want her; well, they’re stupid and I’m not;
it hurts not to take her with me, I could put m y hand on her
and she’d come, I stare right through her, I look right through
