I shake my head, but this time, in amusement. “You're so stubborn. I don’t want money from you and that’s final.” I hold her stare, assuring her that I’m not budging. “It’s bad enough I eat here and can’t pay for it.”
“You shouldn’t be here if you have your own work to do though.”
“It’s fine. I do a little each day and I’m way ahead of schedule. I kind of threw myself into it after…um, when I had some time on my own.” I correct. I don’t want to dampen things discussing that grief-stricken time after she left.
“Okay.” She concedes. “But please don’t kill yourself.”
Peace is restored and we talk shop while we finish our coffees. I help her back up to her flat and then, before I start work, I run down to the ATM to check my balance.
A smile spreads over my face as I slowly walk away holding the balance slip. I opened an account here last week and transferred my savings over. I’ve left just enough behind to pay off my final bills, credit cards and utilities. Jen is handling it all for me. The guy that valued the Shelby called me on the day of Liv’s accident, which I ignored. But he was persistent, so eventually I called him back and it turned out he knew a collector interested in buying the old girl. I hesitated for a moment until he offered enough money to buy a house! Dad met with him on my behalf and negotiated in a way only Dad can. He threw in all the spares and tools I’d accumulated fixing her up and got a great return for me, which arrived in my account yesterday. It looks a little less in ?’s but combined with my not-too-shabby savings, I have quite a nest egg.
I’ve worked really hard and made a name for myself in an industry that pays someone with my skills well. I’ve had very low living expenses apart from the Shelby, which turned out to be an excellent investment, so I’ve saved a lot over the last few years. That money on top of the car money will buy us a house. A nice one. It will pay for a wedding and a honeymoon. I may feel like I wasted my twenties not being with Liv, but heartbreak kept me unattached and with a strong work ethic that has secured our future. It’s sad that the Shelby has gone, but she has paid the way to my life with Liv and I won’t regret selling her for a second. Tomorrow, I’m going to buy a car – a sensible one – and get a cell phone. Then all I need is to get the girl. No going back.
She still loves me…
Chapter Ten
Danny
I’ve never needed you more.
She still loves me…
Ever since yesterday when I asked her the question, her burning gaze and affirming nod have played over and over again in my head. All through the evening at work, if my brain diverted for a second away from the constant stream of Saturday night customers, I would see those eyes, that nod.
She still loves me….
Max has stepped back now, leaving us to figure it out for ourselves. But I know I have a lot to thank him for. Although he isn’t saying, I know he and Charlie gave Liv a stern talking to yesterday. Why else would she suddenly visit me and even watch me sleep, then ask to meet me in the bar? I’m certain he knows about our conversation yesterday afternoon and even if he didn’t the look on my face must have given me away. But he isn’t making anything of it so that Liv and I can quietly start repairing things.
She still loves me…so my new life starts here.
I survey the cars on the forecourt of the Land Rover dealership. I had it all planned out. As soon as I realised I would be moving here, I knew which car I would buy.
In LA, everything is big. I mean, lots of folks have succumbed to the lure of the hybrids and many celebrities are throwing their weight around about the whole issue. If they stopped to find out the facts about the massive environmental impact of actually producing these ‘green cars’ they might hush. Anyway…I’ve looked at Range Rovers before, but I had an adequate truck and I had my baby, so I couldn’t really justify it. But I knew that when I came to buy my next car, this is where I would end up. Now that I’m standing here, however, in the UK, these cars seem so…big. Too big really. But I like them.
A couple of hours later I emerge with handful of paperwork. They had one in a dealership in the north somewhere, with all the specs I wanted. So I took the plunge, ordered it and it will be delivered in a few days. It feels indulgent, but I can’t settle here yet, not like I want to, not without Liv, so I’ve indulged. So what? I know I will feel more rooted if I’ve something physical here and I can’t wait. I walk back through town and head to the cell phone store.
She still loves me…
When I get back to the bar, I go looking for Max. I know he will love the car brochure I’ve brought back with me and I want to show Liv too. She’ll be surprised I’m sure. She hasn’t asked me what my long-term plans are yet, but buying a car here should show beyond doubt that I’m intent on sticking around. I’d buy a house too, but I couldn’t do it without her, I wouldn’t want to.
She still loves me…it will happen, in time.
Max isn’t behind the bar, or in the kitchen. Liv isn’t in the diner. I shrug and go back to the bar. I hear Max’s voice coming from the store room.
“Of course, it’s going to take time to get back to where you were. You just have to take things slowly, you’ll get there.
It’s what you want deep down and you know it.” I freeze beside the slightly open door, then I hear Liv’s voice.
She sighs. “I just don’t see how I can get past it. How can I trust him after all this?”
“It won’t happen all at once, you’ll take it slow.”
Then I can’t quite hear what is being said, I hear the word ‘trust’ again, then it sounds very much like she says, “What if it’s not what I want anymore?” Then more mumbling, followed by what I’m certain is this… “The thought of him touching me again…” and her tone resembles disgust. My heart feels liked it’s being crushed.
More mumbling, followed by, “But you love each other” from Max. This I hear clearly, he sounds incredulous.
“It’s not enough.” She snaps. She may have said ‘what if’ at the beginning of that sentence, but I’m not sure about anything anymore. I’m just in shock at what I’m hearing.
“You’re being ridiculous and stubborn.” He snaps back. Then says something else I can’t pick up.
“How am I being ridiculous?” Her voice is raised now.
Max says something in response and he is quite firm, but I can’t tell what it is. Liv doesn’t like it though.
“Don’t you dare!” she says. “You have no idea how I’m feeling.” The door flies open, fortunately concealing me in its wake. She storms away through the bar, as fast as she can on her crutches.
I stand frozen to the spot, destroyed by her words. Tears sting my eyes.
The door begins to swing closed again. Max is standing there with his hands on his hips staring after Liv. He shakes his head and turns around. His face when he sees me standing behind him adds to my desperation. Clearly I didn’t get the wrong impression from what I overheard, his look is one of pity.
“Mate…” he says with a sympathetic tone.
I shake my head. I can’t take whatever he has to say. I push past him, straight through the bar and out onto the street. I keep walking. Tears really threaten now. I can’t let myself go. Not out in the open, I’ve some dignity. I’ve held it together this long and there have been many times when I felt like I couldn’t take any more. I just keep walking.
She still loves me…but it isn’t enough.
My cell rings. I ignore it. Then I pull it out of my pocket, I need to talk to Jen. A message from Max appears on my screen.
‘Where are you going?’
I know I owe him more than a disappearing act, but I don’t know what to say.
Its been like a pressure cooker since I arrived and the emotional ups and downs are exhausting. For the first time, I briefly consider a trip home. I know there is no going back, I have no home there. But maybe a few days with Jen would help me. I don’t want anyone, least of all Liv to think I’m giving up though. That’s not what it’s
