‘You can come in no—’ They burst in before I finished my sentence.
‘What does it say?’ Sam asked with a hint of excitement. In a way, it was good to see him actually engaging with something, even if it was at my expense.
‘It doesn’t say anything yet. I’ve got to wait a few minutes. You do realise Kate will kill me when she finds out we’ve done this without her?’
Neither of them replied. They both had their eyes fixed firmly on the stick. I’d placed the screen face down; I didn’t want to see any flitting and changing, if that even happens.
Megan drummed her fingers on the doorframe. ‘If it’s positive, do you think it will it help you and James rebuild your marriage? Y’know, having something to look forward to?’
‘It’s going to be negative. I’m humouring you here.’ I sighed.
‘I don’t know what I’d do,’ Sam said, ‘if Samantha announced she was pregnant I mean. At least you’ll know it’s yours.’
Sam’s words seared my stomach. I would know it was mine, but it was entirely plausible that a pregnant Samantha could be carrying James’s baby. Her baby and my baby would be half-siblings. Not that she was pregnant, I hoped, but just the fact it was feasible stung.
Megan looked at her watch. ‘It’s time.’
I took a deep breath. I could be pregnant like I’d always wanted or I could be the same as I’ve always been. It should be a win-win situation, but the moment was tinged with the stain of James and Samantha’s affair. No matter what the outcome, my life would be different.
Chapter Twelve
Pregnant.
I gasped and checked it again as tears pricked my eyes. My hands began to shake, and my ever-present nausea churned quicker in my stomach like the final spin of a washing cycle – almost as if it could unleash itself now the truth was out.
‘Oh my God!’ Megan paused before diving at me, wrapping me in a hug and squeezing me tightly. She obviously knew my emotions were darting around like fireflies.
‘Bloody hell. How do you feel about it?’ Sam asked.
Through sobs, I could just about answer. ‘I’m . . . ecstatic, it’s all I’ve ever wanted but . . . I’m devastated too. I’m happy and sad at the exact same time – should the planets not collide or something on such an occasion?’ I tried to make a joke through the tears, but nobody laughed in the thick of my tangible turmoil.
‘It could be just what you and James need to get yourselves back on track,’ Megan said eventually. Hopefully.
‘Yes.’ I nodded for effect. ‘I shouldn’t be worried. This is what we’ve always wanted. It’s what we’ve needed the entire time. A family.’ I forced a smile. ‘I suppose I’d better go and break the good news to the daddy-to-be.’
***
When I pulled into the driveway, James’s Porsche was already sitting there, all shiny and polished like new. I wondered if a shine and polish of our relationship would be enough to make that like new too, or at least restored enough to turn into a family. I’d never been without answers before, without control or a plan, and there I was, rudderless in the wind, sailing towards unfamiliarity, and it was scary. I checked the time. It was almost six. So James managed to get home from work on time when he wasn’t banging the barrister. The thought made my throat feel thick.
The house was quiet when I went inside, and I looked from room to room until I found James sat in the study working on his computer. I felt a little guilty; of course he worked most of the time. I was ashamed of the thoughts that ran through my head lately: the insecure, accusing, untrusting thoughts that just weren’t me. He said it was a mistake and I had to try and believe him now more than ever.
I perched on the arm of the grey two-seater sofa that sat under the window of the study and watched him as he turned to greet me.
‘Hi,’ he said, lacking his usual air of confidence.
‘We need to talk.’ I wanted to get straight to the point. Under different circumstances I’d have planned some elaborate reveal, like placing clues around the house, if he hadn’t been there when I took the test. It seemed pointless. I just wanted him to know.
‘Okay.’ He drew the word out, and I was thankful he didn’t ask me to come back later as he normally would when he was working.
My chest was light and I could feel the quickened beat of my heart. ‘I’m pregnant.’ After the words spilled out, I paused, awaiting his reaction.
His body stiffened slightly before relaxing again and a slow, warm smile broke on his face. ‘Charlotte,’ he said, his smile turning into a beam. ‘That’s wonderful news.’
Strangely, seeing him so happy did nothing for me other than make me want to wipe the smile off his face. I should have been thrilled he was so happy but the moment was tarnished by the memory of what he’d done. I had to make a go of us now more than ever – it would just take time.
Before I knew what was happening, he’d pulled me into a hug and the side of my face became oddly moist. Then I realised he was crying. ‘We will make this work,’ he whispered. ‘I’ll do whatever I have to do to make this right again.’ His words should have thawed my
