“She’s an amazing woman; I know that!” Ash snapped. “Stop acting like I can’t see how bloody wonderful she is. I do see that. Honestly, I do,” she said in a quieter tone. “But this is all so new for her, and how are any of us to know if it’s what she wants longer-term?”
“For God’s sake, Ash, how do any of us know that with anyone?”
Ash’s ire rose again. “This is different. It’s her first time experiencing anything with a woman. That changes things.”
“Actually, it doesn’t.” Felicity straightened. “But you unfortunately seem to think so. What a shame.” She sighed. “I tried, at least. It was nice knowing you. I would have liked to get to know you better, as the partner of my best friend, but it seems that is not meant to be. Goodbye.” She turned and seconds later was gone, marching past the studio window, not sparing a single glance back.
Ash woke up in a foul mood on Monday, and things didn’t get any better as her day went on. She’d spent all of Sunday trying to avoid thinking about Carmen, and all that had been said, distracting herself with a trip to a travel exhibition out in Docklands. A part of her knew her stubbornness was not doing her any favours, but she was fed up with people telling her how she should feel and what she should do.
Oh sure, she knew, deep down, she ought to think about everything Carmen and, to a lesser extent, Felicity had said and work through this big barrier she’d put in front of what she and Carmen could be. And at least she’d made that much progress: She knew all of this was her own fault. But the fear of letting herself fall as deeply for Carmen as she expected to do, only for the rug to be pulled out from under her at some point, still held her back.
Shit, who was she kidding? She’d already fallen, hadn’t she? She missed Carmen. She missed talking to her on the phone and spending time with her. Missed the laughs they shared and the kisses that consumed them.
At six, having a small gap in her schedule before her next client at six thirty, she attempted to rearrange the storeroom, only to drop two boxes of inks and scatter a box of latex gloves all over the floor. She gave up, slammed the storeroom door shut behind her, and stomped over to the chair. Her work with her clients, thankfully, had not suffered during this shitty day, even if the storage boxes had. She’d tidy up tomorrow, assuming she could somehow wake up as a whole new person.
The studio door opened.
“Surprise!” Sophie called, shutting the door carefully behind her.
A calm happiness descended on Ash, pushing back her grumpiness, as she took in her niece’s beaming face. “Well, hello there.”
Sophie bounded over and gave her an exuberant hug.
“Whoa, someone’s happy.” Ash held her at arm’s length. “What’s going on, monkey?”
Sophie blushed, flopped onto one of the sofas, and twirled her hair repeatedly until Ash joined her.
“Come on, spill. Something’s up.” Ash found a grin from somewhere.
“Maybe.” Sophie chewed a lock of her hair. “Yeah, something good.”
Ash pulled the hair from Sophie’s mouth. “Spill!”
“Okay. God, pressure much?” Sophie paused, then squealed. “I’ve got a date!”
Ash’s mouth dropped open. “You have?”
Sophie nodded. “With Keisha, in case that wasn’t totally obvious.” She laughed loudly.
“So Keisha’s into girls too?” Ash’s heart pounded, and she didn’t know why.
“Maybe. I mean, I’m the first girl she’s been interested in. She was totally honest with me about it, that she was only just realising she might like girls too. And we talked about it and how we were scared and all that. She hasn’t told anyone yet, but that’s okay.” Sophie beamed at Ash. “I can’t believe I did it! I actually asked her, yesterday after French. I thought I would die. I was so scared she’d, like, laugh at me or, worse, get angry. But she didn’t!”
“Oh, wow. That is so great! I’m so happy for you.” Ash gave her niece a quick hug, surprised at how Sophie’s announcement made her feel. On the one hand, she was excited and pleased for her niece. On the other, she couldn’t believe how blasé Sophie was being about the whole thing. Wasn’t she remotely worried about Keisha’s situation? What if Keisha changed her mind about liking girls? What if Sophie got invested in what they had and Keisha walked away?
Sophie leaped up. “Okay, gotta go! I’m meeting Trina at the cinema in ten minutes.” She planted a big kiss on Ash’s cheek. “See you at the weekend?”
“Sure.” Ash was in a daze and barely lifted a hand to wave as Sophie sprinted out of the studio.
Two hours later, once her final client of the day had left, Ash sat back down on the sofa with a cup of tea and pondered Sophie’s visit. Or, more accurately, pondered her own reaction to what Sophie had said. She’d been alarmed at Sophie’s willingness to throw herself into whatever was happening between her and Keisha with, it seemed, zero thought for how it might play out. Was that the exuberance of youth? Or am I just a scaredy-cat?
She didn’t used to be so fearful of committing to matters of the heart. Not until first Vikki, then Leesa had knocked her confidence. But she’d also worked through many of her issues through therapy, and a big part of her was concerned at how easily she’d forgotten all that good work the past few days. She thought she’d built up a good stock of self-confidence and the ability to take whatever life threw at her. The last few days it seemed she’d lost all of that. But I was trying to protect myself from getting
