Ah , said a small voice, but what if Carmen hadn’t done that? What if you were exactly what she wanted and nothing went wrong after all?
This was always the trouble when getting involved with someone new. Trying to second-guess how things were going to turn out, always planning a few steps ahead to make sure you didn’t get your heart ripped into tiny pieces.
But Sophie isn’t trying to think ahead twenty-eight steps, so why are you? Sophie was just living for the moment, excited at what might happen between her and Keisha.
An uncomfortable feeling crept through her body, from her limbs inwards towards her belly. It wasn’t fear. It wasn’t even excitement.
It was regret, and it made her skin crawl.
I was just starting to have something amazing happen with Carmen—and I blew it because I forgot to live in the moment . Yes, of course there was a chance Carmen and she wouldn’t work out, just as there was every chance Sophie and Keisha wouldn’t work out. But if you stop yourself from getting involved with someone just because it might go wrong in the future, you may as well spend the rest of your life alone .
Chapter 36
Carmen finished reading the contract on her screen and closed it down. She sat back, rubbing at her aching eyes. It was only eleven in the morning, but her tiredness had stayed with her since the weekend. Three more days to get through. Then I have a weekend to myself for once .
Of course, the thought of having a whole two days to herself merely depressed her further. Last week, before everything had gone so wrong, if faced with a free weekend, she would have planned to see Ash at some point. Perhaps pop into her studio to take her some lunch. Maybe meet her for a late drink at the end of her Saturday. Maybe invite her back to her place…
But now none of those options were available to her. Having heard nothing at all from Ash since their disaster on Thursday, she was starting to believe they truly were over. Surely, if she meant anything to Ash at all, she’d have done that thinking already? Maybe missed me a little? Picked up the phone and told her what a mistake she’d made and how, of course, she did trust Carmen and wanted them to continue from where they’d left off?
Even if she said it, though, would I believe her?
Carmen stared morosely into her coffee cup, her gaze unseeing. Maybe I could book myself into a spa for Saturday. Get pampered. Read a book. Something, anything, to take my mind off the hurt .
She jumped as her intercom buzzed.
“Carmen,” Beverley said, “I have a delivery person here for you. They’re insisting you sign for the box personally.”
“What? Who is it from?”
“I’m not sure, but the box is from Alma’s.”
Carmen leaned her chin on her free hand. Well, that was grossly unfair of life, wasn’t it? As if she needed any more reminders of her time with Ash. Time that was now, it seemed, never going to be repeated.
“I’ll be right out.” There was no point in making a fuss about it—if the delivery person had been told to get her signature, that wasn’t their fault.
When she walked out of her office into the reception area, Ash stood before her, the Alma’s box in her hands.
Carmen’s heart leaped into her throat.
“Hey,” Ash said quietly.
Carmen stared, her mouth refusing to form words.
Ash held out the box; her hands were shaking. She looked terrified, as if she feared Carmen would throw her out. Or shout at her. Or perhaps both. “You know, Portuguese custard tarts fix everything. Remember?”
Carmen’s stomach fluttered, and the corners of her mouth tugged up. “Oh yes, that’s right. I remember.”
Ash smiled tentatively, then threw a glance in Beverley’s direction.
Carmen’s receptionist tried very hard not to look as if she was eavesdropping, but given the drama playing out directly in front of her desk, Carmen couldn’t fault her for being interested.
“Can we talk?” Ash asked.
Carmen nodded. “Let’s go into my office.” She turned and glanced back once to make sure Ash followed. She closed the door, thankful that Monica was out, and motioned for Ash to take a seat at the small meeting table in the far corner, underneath one of the skylight windows. After pulling out a chair for herself, she sat opposite Ash and waited. Her palms were damp, and her thoughts raced. She tried hard not to get her hopes up because she wasn’t sure she could bear the heartbreak all over again.
Ash placed the box of pastries on the table and settled herself in her seat. She looked drained. As if she, too, hadn’t slept at all these past few days. Her shirt, red with small white dots, was rumpled, and her hair looked lifeless and flat. The sight gave Carmen some small measure of satisfaction, even as a big part of her itched to wrap her arms around Ash and comfort her.
“I’m sorry.” Ash’s voice croaked, and she coughed to clear it. “God, I’m so sorry. I was an arsehole last week, and you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry for doubting you. I’m sorry for not being able to get past what happened before, with someone entirely different, and for using it against you. I know I totally overreacted in the pub, and I regret every bloody word I said.”
Carmen’s pulse slowed a notch at the words, and her breathing came a little easier.
Ash leaned forward. “So I’m here to ask you to forgive me.” Her voice shook. “And I’m here to tell you I trust you. Completely. I trust you to always be honest with me. I trust you to care for me as much as
