"When I woke up, I was alone. Well, not alone.I was being smothered by Harold."
"Yeah, I got up around five to let him out. Iwent back to my room after that, and I guess he took my spot."
"So we 'slept' together."
"That's what you asked."
"Jesus Jack, you knew what I meant. You scaredme half to death, thinking we had had sex."
"Trust me Elizabeth, sex with me is anythingbut scary, and you certainly would never forget it."
She stood up, not wanting to hear anything elsefrom Jack. She knew that as mad as she was at him, there was partof her that was still tempted. She was disgusted at that, but shedidn't know what else to do, how else to handle it, other than toalways avoid Jack.
"I'm done. I need to leave now." She turned andwas in the foyer before he called to her.
"Liza, wait!"
She paused, and then slowly turned. He hadfollowed her out but gave her a respectable distance. "What is it,Jack?"
"Do you hate me?"
"I don't know. Hate is a pretty strongemotion." She paused, thinking, "Yes, I think I do hateyou."
"Good."
"Good?"
"Yes, because the opposite of love is not hate.The opposite of love is indifference. Love and hate are very closeto each other. If you hate me, then it won't be hard to get you tolove me."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"No, I'm completely serious."
Elizabeth looked at his face. He was serious.The joking and teasing were gone. How could he possibly think thatshe would, or could, be interested after finding out about thebook? It was bad enough that she had entertained those thoughts inthe past, but it was even worse now that she knew how he hadbetrayed her. "Jack, how could you possibly think that I, that we,that you –" She couldn't even find the right words. "Even if I hadever even considered it or wanted it, I couldn't now. Not knowingwhat you did to me."
"What I did toyou?"
"Writing that book about me."
Jack blew out a deep breath and ran his fingersthrough his hair, mussing it. Elizabeth had to resist the urge togo and do the same. "Liza, don't you see I didn't write the bookabout you. I wrote it foryou."
"For me?"
"Come sit down. We need to talk thisout."
"I, um," she glanced into the living room atthe couch, "I don't think I should."
He pointed towards the kitchen. "Sit at thetable, so there won’t be even the appearance of impropriety. Youneed to hear me out."
"I don't need to, Jack, but I will. This onelast time. Then I'm done with you. You've seduced and deceived mefor the last time. You were the first guy to do that to me, anddamned if you won't be the last. I should have known that youcouldn't be trusted."
"I guess I deserve that. I guess I can't betrusted. I can't even trust myself. Look what happens when I do."He shrugged, sinking into the chair perpendicular toElizabeth.
"Do you have any idea what you've done to mylife?" She didn't wait for him to respond. "Peter left me, sayingthat I can't be trusted. Not because he thinks that I cheated. Ormaybe he does. I don't know, he doesn't share it with me. He ispissed because I turned to you for help, rather than him, and thenI kept it from him. He doesn't want to deal with all the people intown talking about me, so he left. Of course, that just fueled thefire even more. You should have seen the looks I got when I wentout and had accidentally forgotten to put my rings on. The smugnesswas so thick in the air that you could cut it. Nothing says 'guiltyadulteress' more than an absent husband and a bare lefthand."
"Are you getting divorced?"
"I don't know. We're not even legallyseparated. Finally, after the whole summer is over, he says he'sready to talk when he gets back with the kids. I don’t know that Ihave anything to say to him."
"Do you want him back?"
"I don't know. I feel like I should, because wepromised each other, and because I don't want to destroy the kids'lives. Divorce is hard on kids, especially at the ages that theyare."
"I know. I remember."
"Oh, that's right. I don’t want to put my kidsthrough that if I don't have to. Would you rather have had yourparents stay together?"
"No, my dad was not a pleasant man to dealwith."
"I kind of remember thinking that he was anasshole ... no offense."
"No offense taken. He was an asshole, and hedid an excellent job teaching me how to be one."
Elizabeth looked at him, a small smilethreatening her lips.
"Don't rush to defend me there."
Elizabeth opened her mouth, but nothing cameout. She smiled, and said, "If the shoe fits—"
"I've spent years analyzing my relationshipwith my dad. He was emotionally and physically abusive to both meand my mom. And all I ever heard from my mother was how I was justlike him. I spent years thinking that I had no choice but to turnout the same way. And then freshman year in high school," he brokeoff, swallowing hard.
Elizabeth wasn't sure she liked where this wasgoing.
"Well, let's just say one of the priests atschool lived up to the reputation that priests so oftenhave."
"Oh, Jack."
He slapped a hand down on the table. "Stop. Idon't want your pity. When I finally told my parents, my motherdrank herself into a stupor for about a year. My father told me Iwas asking for it, listening to all that 'queer' music that I did."The pain was palpable on his face. The years had done little toheal those wounds.
A tear ran down Elizabeth's face. "I know youdon't want my pity, but I'm sorry you went through it."
"Everyone is. But it fucked me up for a while.I hung out with people I shouldn't have. I dated girls I shouldn'thave. I did things that I knew were wrong. But I
