He turned to me for a second as he maneuvered us out onto the street. “Good morning, Mr. Walker. I’m Zebene. Elias is taking some leave, so I will be driving you for the next few days.”
I nodded in his direction with what I hoped was a friendly face. “Nice to meet you, Zebene. Please call me Desta, and Elias texted to let me know about the change. Thanks for coming to get me so early.”
Zebene nodded and gave me a warm smile as he drove down the gravel path leading to the main road. “It’s not a problem. Elias is a friend.”
It looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he silently focused on the road. I wasn’t going to ask if he knew more about Elias’s dad since I wasn’t exactly supposed to be aware of the goings-on of his personal life. I just made a friendly noise of acknowledgment and didn’t say another word.
I was already wrung out from the roller coaster of feelings I’d been on this morning, and the sun wasn’t even out yet. My skin felt tight from worry, but also because I was ashamed that Elias was going through so much and I had the nerve to feel sorry for myself. I needed to take things down a notch. More than that, I needed to let this go.
Zebene’s voice mercifully yanked me out of my pity party, and I felt like an ass because I had no idea what he’d just said to me. “I’m sorry. You said something?”
He nodded, his eyes still on the road. “Just asking if you wanted to get breakfast and some bunna before we get on the road.”
My stomach grumbled at the mention of food and coffee, and we both laughed. “Yes, please.”
“Eshi. We can stop at Kaldi’s.”
My heart lurched at the mention of Kaldi’s. Going there with Elias on that first morning felt like it happened a million years ago. Once again, I told myself I needed to concentrate on the work I was here to do and try to figure out what was next for me. As wonderful as things had been with Elias, I knew at some level I was using him as an excuse to not face the decisions I needed to make. I would take his absence as an opportunity to finally focus.
I pulled my sunglasses out of my bag and put them on as the sun rose, casting the city in an orange and purple glow. When I looked over at Zebene, I tried to project an ease I wasn’t feeling just yet.
“Kaldi’s sounds great.”
Chapter 19
Once I got to the site, work started immediately. The second survey area we needed to cover was almost twice the size of the first one, in about the same time. I hit the ground running the moment I got there, and for the next few days had little time to think about Elias or my other self-made issues. I did make sure I texted him to ask about his dad, and he responded gratefully, letting me know he was doing much better. He also asked how things were going, and said he was looking forward to seeing me. I tried to be friendly and cordial, but also cut out all flirting from my texts to him.
Once it got into my head that chasing after Elias would only end in disaster for both of us, I’d forced myself to try to shut him out. It felt mean and shitty, but I was no longer able to do things halfway with him. If I let him in, he would be all the way back in, and that was madness.
So I kept my focus on my work and only turned the phone on at the end of the day to check if I had any messages from the Addis office. It had taken me a few weeks, but I’d finally gotten my head where it needed to be. I hated it, and hated that I missed him so much already, but I had brought this on myself. Lucía had been right—I did this, and I needed to stop.
On Wednesday evening as we pulled into the hotel, exhausted from almost ten hours of uninterrupted canvassing, I saw Elias standing by a white Land Cruiser talking to Tsehay. As soon as I saw him, my vision shrank to a tiny pinhole where only his face was visible. I closed my eyes, gripped the seatbelt strap with both hands, and took deep breaths. The need to go to him so strong I was lightheaded.
I worked on forcing myself not to jump out and throw myself at him—which would be very stupid in just about every way possible—as the truck came to a stop. So much for my “doing the right thing,” since it only seemed to work when Elias was three hundred miles away.
A knock on the window startled me and I opened my eyes. I turned my head, still trying to get my breathing under control, and noticed Zebene was giving me a weird look. He probably thought I was carsick or something. I was about to tell him I was fine when my door opened and the now-familiar smell of Elias’s cologne filled the space.
My belly fluttered, and that slightly nauseous feeling I got whenever he was near overtook me while I sat, hoping whatever I said didn’t out us both. After giving me a radiant smile, he braced one arm on the frame of the door and stretched the other toward Zebene in greeting. They gripped each other’s forearms in the manner I’d seen Ethiopian men
