“Zebi, are you driving properly? Desta has very high standards!” Elias’s jovial tone was only diminished by the weary look in his eyes.
Zebene laughed and looked over to me, presumably hoping for a response, except I had nothing. All my mental energy was occupied in trying not to be super obvious about how much I wanted to press my nose to Elias’s neck, which at the moment was like, five inches from my face.
After a second he gave up and turned to Elias. “Desta finally knows what it’s like to ride in a car with a real driver.”
I did laugh at that, and used the distraction to get out of said vehicle before I lost it.
I spoke without looking at him. “Zebene has been great. It’s good to see you, Elias. Can I get by?” I hated myself more with every word, but just as I asked, he stepped back and gave me space to get out. Once I was standing by the car, I turned to Zebene. “Thanks for everything. I’ll see you in the morning?”
He shook his head and pointed at Elias. “Unfortunately, you will have to go back to withstanding the poor driving of my friend. I go back to Addis tomorrow.”
Elias let out a laugh, but stopped after he got a good look at my face.
I kept my eyes focused on Zebene. This all felt so fucking wrong, but I didn’t know what else to do. Elias and I couldn’t be a couple. Hell, even being too familiar was inappropriate in like, ten different ways, not to mention potentially dangerous. “Have a good trip then. It’s been great being out with you the past few days.”
I turned to Elias before heading toward to my room. “How’s your dad?”
“He’s better now. Resting at home,” he said cautiously, like he had no clue what to make of the way I was acting. And who could blame him?
“I’m glad he’s better.” And I really was, but I kept walking with my head down.
“How are you?” he asked as he followed me along the path that led to where I was staying. The hotel was more like a cluster of small cottages that were built to look like the traditional houses in the area, so they were scattered around the property. They were outfitted with all the necessary amenities: electricity, comfortable beds, hot water, and a lovely view of the mountains. It was sort of like glamping, and my cottage was at the far end of the property.
“Desta?”
I stopped as I got to my door, still not ready to answer his question. The simple yes that should’ve immediately come out of my mouth was stuck in my throat, and I knew that what would spill out was certainly not the way to go.
“Konjo?” He said it quietly, barely a whisper, and the endearment managed to seriously weaken my defenses. Then I remembered this was nothing but a convenient distraction for me, and a potentially huge problem for him.
I finally looked at him and saw his furrowed brow, the darkness under his eyes. He hadn’t been sleeping. He looked tired. And here I was feeling sorry for myself. Making this all about me. The least I could do was give him an answer.
“I’m all right. Tired from the long days. It’s good to see you, Elias.” Hadn’t I said that already? I’d made such a fucking mess of things.
“Elias…” My eyes darted away from him. “I’ve been thinking, and I just don’t know if this”—I waved a hand in front of the two of us, looking at a spot somewhere over his shoulder—“is a good idea.”
I felt him straighten, and when he spoke, he was dead serious. “Did I do or say anything to make you uncomfortable?”
Fuck, I should’ve known I’d worry him. “No, not at all. It’s just that you have a lot going on with your dad, and I’m just a leech sucking up your time and energy. You don’t need to be dealing with me on top of everything.”
I looked down and saw his hands flexing, opening and closing, like he was itching to grab me. A swarm of bees buzzed in my chest, wanting him to reach for me. Hoping he’d stop this and we could go back to the way it had been just a few days before.
But he didn’t do that. He considered me for a moment before speaking with that same careful manner he always had. “I have not been ‘dealing’ with you.” I could hear the air quotes in the word. “I’ve been getting to know you. Desta, you don’t have to be my protector. It may be hard for you to believe, but I’m perfectly capable of deciding which things and which people I want to spend my time with. You don’t know better than I do about what I can take on.”
I flinched, remembering what he’d shared about his ex. But this was just one more way in which this was all just a bad idea.
“I’m very tired, Elias.” I lifted a shoulder, feigning an exhaustion that had evaporated the moment I’d set eyes on him. “Long day. I’ll just have some dinner in my room and turn in early,” I said, making a show of yawning.
His face, which had been open when he’d first seen me, was now shuttered and unhappy. His full lips pursed as he gave me a terse nod. “If you're tired and you are done with me, I won’t push you, Desta. But don’t use me as an excuse to punish yourself. I don’t play those games.”
I hated being the one putting an unhappy expression on that mouth, which was made for smiling. I hated that I’d ruined everything. I wanted to tell him to forget what I’d said. To ask him into my room, and kiss him. Touch him until he made everything right again.
But I didn’t. “I’m sorry.”
He backed away, and
