I ran after her. “Jazmin, wait. Let’s talk about this some more.” I sounded desperate because I was desperate. “This can’t be the end.”
“It is the end. Just accept it and move on.” The agony in her voice meant she still cared, and that gave me hope.
Taking her hand, I tugged on it until she stopped and turned around. I pulled her against my chest and tightened my arms around her so she’d feel secure in my protection. She was cold and stiff, but the longer we stood there, the more she relaxed and yielded to the hug. I ran my hand up and down her back, warming her, reassuring her of my love. Somehow, I had to make her see she was making the wrong decision by running away from this. I lowered my lips to hers and kissed her softly, tenderly, with great restraint, and yet every move was filled with desire. I continued moving my mouth against hers until tears streamed down her face. I drew back and wiped them from her face with my thumbs.
“I don’t want anyone but you, so don’t tell me to move on.”
She blew out a breath and wouldn’t look me in the eye. “I made a mistake.”
“What do you mean?”
“I shouldn’t have given you my number the last time I was out here.” She brought her gaze to mine, her lip trembling. “I’m so sorry, Clay. If I’d had the courage back then to stay away from you, neither of us would be in this position right now.” She glanced towards the house. “I need to return to the house, but I want to walk on my own.” I was about to protest but she held up a hand. “Please. I can’t talk about this anymore. We both know what we have to do.”
And then she charged back to the house, taking my heart with her, leaving me with an empty shell in its place.
***
That evening I attended the men’s Bible study from my church that met every other Wednesday night. It was a small group of ten to twelve men, and we’d all grown close over the years. My friends, Derek and Hunter, were also a part of it, but Hunter was busy with Sabrina so he probably wouldn’t be back for a few weeks.
We met in the home of a man named Jasper Wallace. He was an older gentleman in his early seventies with grayish hair and a white mustache that sometimes moved while he talked. We had just started the book of Exodus, and this evening we were going through chapter two where Pharaoh's daughter took the baby Moses as her son after she found him in a basket in the river bank. It brought up the discussion of adoption which was ironic considering everything Jazmin and I were dealing with.
After the study, we had a time of sharing and prayer. Jasper asked if anyone had any issues they wanted the group to pray for, and I raised my hand.
“Most of you know I’ve been corresponding with a woman named Jazmin, and she’s visiting right now due to Hunter and Sabrina’s wedding.” I let out a heavy breath and crossed my arms at my chest. “I want to marry her, but, today, she basically cut things off between us because the doctor told her she can’t have children, and she knows that’s something I want.”
Jasper nodded as he appeared to consider that. “I see.”
I sighed. “Please pray that God would give her faith to believe He can do a miracle so we can reconcile.”
Jasper’s eyebrows flew up, his expression indicating he’d taken issue with something I’d said.
“What are you thinking, Jasper?”
He chuckled softly and shook his head. “You sure you want to know? Because I’ll tell you exactly what’s going on in my head.” He was a straight shooter, but it was a quality I had come to admire in him.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“All right.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Sounds like Jazmin doesn’t want to enter a marriage where expectations are put on her to have a child. The doctor has told her one thing, and you’re hoping for another.”
“I don’t want to put expectations on her. I just want her to be open to what God can do.”
“That’s fine as long as you go into the marriage understanding children might not be God’s plan for you.”
“I definitely want children.”
“Well, you can adopt or…” He paused. “Maybe you need to pray about whether Jazmin is the right one for you. Perhaps God put this desire in your heart because He has someone else in mind.”
The words cut straight through me and everything in me rebelled against the notion. “No. There’s no other woman for me.” It came out stern and unyielding, but I didn’t care. Jazmin was the one for me. I knew that in my heart, and the thought of losing her made me jumpy and upset.
Jasper shifted in his seat, his gaze fixed upon me. “Don’t get me wrong. God can do a miracle. I believe that one hundred percent but as with any prayer request, He might say no. Are you prepared for that?”
My brows creased, and I ran a hand along the side of my jaw.
