“Boy is she still pissed,” the rat demon said, “You’d think she’d be over it by now.”
Hilario grabbed the rat demon the scruff of its scaled neck. He lifted the thing to eye level.
“Since when do gem witches and paladins have intimate relationships?” he asked.
The six-tailed rat demon snorted a laugh. “Seriously clown?” it said, “If there’s an orifice, someone’s going to be sticking something into it. Doesn’t matter what species it is. You’ve been in the normal world. And on their internet, too. You know what Rule 34 is.”
Hilario’s cheeks heated. He did. And he didn’t go to those places on the amazing internet of the normal world. There were plenty of places there to find cute kitty videos. That was much more satisfying than…that other stuff.
At least to him.
He tossed the rat demon back on the seat. Turned his attention back to the violent scene outside.
Well. Formerly violent scene.
Unless this was a new sort of violence.
The Sapphire Witch was locked in an embrace with the paladin. Clearly she had forgiven him. Either that or she was deploying a different type of attack. One that involved put her tongue down the paladin’s throat and strangling him from the inside..
He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. How was this supposed to help him save the city? There really wasn’t time to waste.
Time might move differently in the unseen world, but it still moved. And the normal world dawn was getting closer every second. He may not have had much of the way of close friends in the city, but he loved the city and everyone in it.
Most everyone.
And none of them deserved to be subsumed by the dark masters of the bad places. And the unseen world shouldn’t have a foothold in the normal world. There was something so wrong about that thought. It made the acid burn in his stomach.
They needed to get moving.
He honked the horn. It made a sad beep beep sound. Not at all intimidating. Barely audible, in fact.
But apparently it was enough.
The Sapphire Witch and the paladin broke their embrace. Turned toward the van. Walked hand in hand back toward it.
Oh, poopykins. Was he getting yet another passenger?
35
Phlegethon was indeed a river of fire.
It snaked, molten red between high, sheer walls of jagged rock. Thin streamers of smoke rose from the fiery surface. Punctuated by occasional eruptions of flame.
Just looking at it made Hilario sweat.
Or maybe it was the increasingly crowded space in the van that was making him sweat. Maybe it was the stench of sulfur mixed with the metallic tang that came from the paladin crouched on the floor between the driver’s and passenger’s seats.
The paladin raised a massive arm the color of burnished iron and pointed to the windshield. Well, something beyond the windshield, obviously. Why would a paladin point at a sheet of glass?
“There,” the paladin said, his voice deep and resonant. Heroic. “Follow that path down to the river.”
Hilario bit his lip. Squeezed his sweat soaked gloves against the steering wheel.
“Ah, Master Paladin,” he said, “My vehicle will melt if it gets any closer to the river. As will my companions and I.”
The paladin turned his extraordinarily handsome face to him. The paladin’s eyes were solid blue gems. Like…well, sapphires. Which seemed unlikely to be a coincidence. How many paladins were there? Twelve? Wasn’t that about how many gem witches there were?
“You should not worry, noble jester,” the paladin said, “I am here to protect you.”
“He’s a clown, not a jester,” the Sapphire Witch said.
The paladin’s silver brows went up. Which only accentuated his perfectly smooth, bald head.
“There is a difference?” he said.
“Of course there is, Oton,” she said, “Why must you be so dense?”
Oton the paladin’s elegant silver brows furrowed. “Why must you be so shrewish?”
The Sapphire Witch snapped around on the passenger seat.
“How dare you!” she shouted.
Oh dear.
Hilario stomped the brake.
The Sapphire Witch had to swing her arm out to the dash to steady herself. Oton, of course, simply flexed his mighty legs and compensated for the sudden stop. The Sapphire Witch turned her brass rimmed goggles to him, her mouth down turned.
“Oops,” Hilario said, “Something ran across the road in front of me.”
“What the fuck?” Marco said from the back, “When the fuck are we getting out of this fucking pit. I’m fucking tired of looking at captain metal butt’s ass here.”
Oton the paladin turned to Marco. “If you are referring to me, person of the normal world, my name is Oton the Paladin. Not captain metal butt. And you should not use such language around Lady Sapphire.”
“Don’t try to protect me, Oton,” the Sapphire Witch said, “I can protect yourself.”
Oton’s frown deepened. “I was simply–”
“Whatever,” Marco said, “I’m not afraid of you.” He patted the butt of his holstered pistol. “My buddy and I have taken down bigger punks than you.”
Leave me out of this, dog, Marco’s gun said, Dude’s made out of metal. Ain’t gonna end well now matter what you do.
“You should listen to your weapon, it speaks wisely,” Oton said.
“Bite me,” Marco said.
“What purpose would that serve?” Oton asked.
Larry thrust his ghostly face between Oton and Marco.
“Stop! We-a need-a to-a find-a Rachel!” he said. He grabbed his cheeks with both hands and let out a blood curdling wail. “Oh Rachel! Where are-a you-a?”
The Sapphire Witch snapped her fingers at him. Larry’s ghostly form flew to the back of the van.
“Hey!” Marco shouted. He yanked the gun from his holster. “Leave him alone, bitch!”
Odom’s massive hand shot out. Encircled Marco’s gun arm in a literal iron grip.
Queezleyan, the six-tailed rat demon,
