I couldn’t perform up to my usual standards because I was too overwhelmed with the otherworldly passions I’d never felt before. Sex before Kat was always ordinary. The goal was to bust a nut. I always felt it in my loins but this time I felt things in my cock, my chest and in my sodding brain. It was quite terrifying and a bit divine.
I could see further in the future with Kat then I could with any woman I shagged. I cared about her thoughts, her wants, her mood. All of my bloody caring spilled out into my cock like confetti out of a piñata. I had beat my cock against her walls and all my liquid candy spilled out.
I was knackered beyond belief. That sex was too passionate it felt like love or something. This sex was totally unique and I figured out why. I wasn’t fucking like Jason anymore. I was fucking Kat like Jagger. I preferred to get a kip before I had to head back to the house. All these monumental revelations were exhausting.
I woke in two hours. I dressed and Kat didn’t move at all. She was beautiful when she slept. There was a little smile on her face and I couldn’t help myself. I took a snap with my mobile. I knew I would miss her when she went back to her life. She had family and friends. I didn’t quite have all of that. I had responsibilities. Kat had become this constant thing in my life. I didn’t know how I would manage without her.
I crept out of her flat. I had to get back to my sober house. I came to her place to talk. There wasn’t much talking but I made sure she was okay. I needed to know she didn’t hate me.
I hopped on my bike and went back to David and Fiona’s before they knew I was missing. I was knackered again and slept like a baby. I woke the next morning feeling recharged and refreshed. Having sex regularly was maybe a plus. I showered and brushed. I got dressed for the day.
After breakfast I had therapy. I sat in the leather chair and waited for Dr. David to say something. This was our normal routine. I would enter, sit and wait for him to say something to me. It was oftentimes boring. I didn’t have major breakthroughs every day.
“How did you sleep?” He asked then took a sip of his coffee.
“Good, better.”
“Huh, is that right?” He crossed one leg over the other as he studied me. “Did you sneak out of the house last night?”
Fuck! “I didn’t sneak.”
“The property has video cameras. You know this right?”
I did know they had CCTV but I didn’t think he actually reviewed the footage.
“Yes, I know about the cameras. I had to go out.”
“In the middle of the night?”
“I needed to clear my head. So I went for a bike ride.”
“This is not the way I do things. I have rules and you know the rules.”
“Yes, I do. I’m aware of the rules.”
“And still you seem to consistently break them.”
“I’m sorry.” It was getting harder to hold in my frustration. “I’m sorry. Just give me a drug test.”
“Why, do you need one?” Dr. David crossed his arms over his chest.
“No, I don’t but if it would make you feel better and put your mind at ease, we could just get it over with. You don’t trust me.”
“I’m not supposed to trust you. You are an addict.”
“And you never let me forget it.”
“What happened to your hand? I don’t want you to bullshit me. Tell me the truth.”
“The truth.” I snickered. “Fiona didn’t tell you?”
“You didn’t tell her so how could she tell me?”
“Right, well, I punched my fist through the glass display at the candy shop.”
“Why did you do that?”
“My boss said she didn’t want to see me anymore. It upset me. It was like a dagger to the heart.”
“This is why you’re not to engage in sex with anyone while you are in recovery.”
“I had to apologize and beg her forgiveness. I needed to tell her to her face. I rode to clear my head and I ended up at the candy shop.”
“Did she forgive you?”
“Yes, I believe so. We shagged.”
“Why did you lose your temper in the first place?”
“I told her the truth about me. I told her I was Jagger Bowie Adkins.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t want to lie to her anymore.”
“Why is that? Why did she need the truth?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think that maybe you have formed an emotional attachment to this older woman?”
I shrugged. “If you’re asking me if I like her, I do.”
“Why do you like her? What’s so special about this woman?”
“Everything. She’s grand.”
“Maybe she’s special because she’s older.”
“Don’t insult my intelligence.”
“She’s old enough to be your mother and that’s something you’ve lived without for half of your life. It’s something that is missing from your life. Have you ever thought that maybe you’re trying to fill a void in your life?”
“What, a lack of a mum void? That’s pure rubbish.”
“Is it? How do you know? How do you know she isn’t a replacement mother figure for you.”
“You’ve never seen Katrina. She doesn’t look like a mum. I couldn’t tell her age when I saw her for the first time. She’s Black and their faces literally stay stuck the same for decades. This is really, really, insulting. I don’t think of her as a mum figure. I stick my cock in Kat and I don’t think of my dead mum when I’m doing it. I have problems but I’m not some kinky perv weirdo with an Oedipus complex.”
“You have feelings for Katrina. Does she feel the same way?”
“I don’t know. How would I know what a lady thinks of me? I’m not a lady.”
“You put your fist through glass at her store.”
“Yes, I did and I’m going to pay for
