“Abby, it’s three in the morning.” I groan, feeling a small giggle rise in my chest. “I think I just need some time to shut my mind off.” A feeling of comfort washes over me, knowing Abby only wants me to be happy. She’s only wanted what was best for me.
I’ve spent the last few months trying to make up for the damage I’ve caused in our friendship. But tonight, I’m not sure I have it in me. I want to indulge her and accept her offer, but the pain in my chest is too much.
“Yeah,” she says, her voice growing smaller.
“I’m sorry, I think I just need some sleep.” I sit back on the couch, resting my head against the soft velvet cushion. Closing my eyes, I can feel the sleep quickly taking me over. Even though I had packed nearly my entire wardrobe, I didn’t intend on staying at Abby’s more than one night. I didn’t want to run from my problems with Logan, I wanted to work them out, I just needed to do it when it didn’t feel like my heart was being constricted every time I looked at him.
“Lena.”
Weight presses against my thighs, causing me to lift my head and open my eyes. I crack them open, finding Abby standing right in front of me. She’s bent over, her hands clasped around the top of my knees.
“You don’t have to sleep out here.” She grins, jerking her head back toward the hallway. “Come on. The bed will be a lot more comfortable than the couch.”
As if Abby’s words wake me up, I suddenly realize what she means. The cushion behind me is nearly as hard as a rock, digging into my spine. Agreeing, I stand up and follow her down the hall. Just like the main living space, the walls are void of any decoration. She leaves the light off as we enter her bedroom. Sitting in the middle of the room is a queen size bed, one small nightstand set to one side. It’s the only two pieces of furniture in the entire room. A small window hangs above her bed, allowing the moonlight to filter through, covering the bed.
She walks over to the bed and lifts the sheet, showing me where I can lay. Accepting her offer, I climb under the sheets, feeling the fluffy white comforter wrap around me. I bring my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs. Abby climbs in beside me, resting her head on the pillow. She’s lying close to me, her face only inches from mine.
“Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we never became friends in college?” Abby asks, her hand buried under her pillow.
“What do you mean?” I ask her. “Like if we had never met at all?”
“Yeah.” She bites her bottom lip, her eyes searching mine.
“Not really.” I sigh. “I guess if I think about it, if I hadn’t met you I wouldn’t have gathered the strength to leave Julian when I did. I also would have missed out on having a pretty awesome best friend.”
“Did you miss me when you left Providence?”
I reach out, sliding my hand under the blanket, grabbing on to hers. I give her a gentle squeeze. “Of course, I did. As much as I hated leaving you, it wasn’t safe for me and Logan to stay. At the time, I thought it was what was best for everyone.”
She gives me a small reassuring smile. “I guess so.”
“I’m really sorry, Abby. I want you to know that.”
She nods again, squeezing my hand back. We lay in silence as I release her hand, letting the moon shine down on us.
I close my eyes, breathing in the air around me. Abby’s sheets smell like a combination of cigarettes and cotton.
A tear spills from my closed lids, already missing Logan. I thought I would need space away from the house, away from my husband. But the longer I spend away from him, the more distant I feel. It’s as if I’ve traveled somewhere foreign, unrecognizable. I turn over, hoping the tears will stop and dry at some point. It’s amazing how long your body can feel the weight of its sadness. Every bone and muscle in my body is exhausted, aching with the echo of pain I’ve felt the past few hours. Everything from Logan’s potential affair to the pictures to the emails. All of it weighs on me, crashing into me like a hurricane making landfall.
My back is facing Abby, but her arm slides over me, pulling me in. I allow her to hold me because she’s my best friend and the only lifeline I have left. I knew I would go back to Logan at some point, but I needed to allow myself this time to grieve. Grief from all the forces merging at once, ripping me apart from the inside out.
“It’ll all be okay, Lena,” Abby whispers. “I’m here for you. Always. We’ll get through this together.”
“Thank you,” I whisper back.
Sleep begins to carry me away. Before I completely fall, I hear Abby’s voice floating in the darkness. “Stay as long as you need.”
The vibration against my leg wakes me up the next morning. I squeeze my eyes shut, refusing to open them.
My body is heavy, muscles still aching from the pain of the night before. At first, I thought I was wrapped up in the sheets of my bed, Logan lying next to me. Memories of last night come in waves, reminding me I’m not home and Logan isn’t the person lying beside me. Abby is.
My phone buzzes again and I force my eyes to open. The sun’s morning rays beat against my tired eyes. I squint, allowing them a few seconds to adjust to the sudden change.
The room is quiet. I glance over my shoulder, Abby still fast asleep behind me. I slide my hand
