Quietly, I unlock it and find three unread messages from Logan, including the one I ignored last night.
The first was a reply to my text when I’d made it to Abby’s.
Logan: Okay, I’m glad you made it safe.
Two hours later, he sent the second.
Logan: I’ve been fighting sleep knowing you aren’t here with me. I understand you don’t want to talk right now but please let me know when you’re coming home. I love you.
The third was sent two minutes ago.
Logan: I took the day off from work. I know you’re hurting. I am too. We can work on this, Lena. I know we can. We just have to trust each other. Do you remember what I told you before we walked into the chapel the day we got married?... I meant it then and I mean it now.
I close my eyes, forcing myself not to unravel. Sleep had provided a form of therapy. It had wrapped me up and slowly began mending me back in one piece, a single stitch at a time.
I lay in Abby’s bed, thinking back to what Logan had said to me when we left Providence.
We had stepped out of the car, the end of summer saturating the air. The air was cool, a slight breeze blowing across our skin. I was walking around the car, ready to follow Logan in when he stopped me. He reached for my hand, grabbing on to it tightly. I stared up at him, the short ends of his hair dancing across his forehead.
He lifted my hands and pressed his lips to my fingers. “Are you sure you want to marry me?”
I laughed, thinking it was a ridiculous question to ask. “Of course, I do, Logan. I love you.”
“Okay,” he sighed. His smooth lips curled up, the corners creasing with a grin. “I just wanted to tell you one more thing before I make you my wife.”
My lips separated, breathing in the cool Missouri air. My heart hammered in my chest, reminding me the effect Logan had over me, giving me the reassurance that I was doing the right thing.
He sighed. “I wanted you to know that in the deepest part of my soul, I’ve loved you from the beginning. And no matter what other challenges we may face, they will never break us apart. It doesn’t matter where we are, east coast or west coast, wherever. None of it matters. From here on out, you are my life.”
I swallow, staring at Logan’s text, remembering the words he said to me outside the chapel that day. A bolt of electricity shoots straight to my chest, jump-starting its faint beat. I needed to speak to Logan whether I believed him or not. Either way, he was my husband and deep down, I knew there must have been an explanation. Logan deserved the chance to explain and it was about time I told him my secrets as well.
Spending the night at Abby’s gave me the chance to realize my secrets weren’t only mine anymore. They were affecting everyone around me, Logan the most. I’d allowed the secret of Julian’s emails to fester and become infected. It seeped its way into our marriage, preventing me from being able to rely on my husband when I needed him the most.
I still didn’t know how Logan would react to me telling him Julian had found us. Fear settled in the back of my mind, considering the possibility he’d want to leave again.
I glance over my shoulder again to find Abby still asleep. Her eyes are closed, her full lips slightly parted. Her silver hair is fanned out behind her, creating a glistening shade of pewter against her white pillowcase.
Deciding not to wake her, I slide out from under the sheets as quietly as possible. I can text her later when she’s awake.
Walking out to the living room, I grab my bag, realizing I never even used it. I didn’t need to.
By the time I make it out to my car, I can already feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. Logan still didn’t know Julian had returned. He didn’t know I had been receiving emails.
Logan was right, I was a hypocrite. I bite back the guilt, telling myself it’s important to know that Logan wasn’t the only one wrong in this situation. I was too. Secrets have a way of dragging you farther into the darkness, making it nearly impossible to pull yourself out. It was about damn time I started finding the way out and the first step was to tell Logan Julian was back.
Twenty-One
Lena
Logan’s sitting outside on the back patio when I come home. He’s wearing gray sweatpants, hanging low at his waist. His plain white T-shirt is snug around his broad frame. A warmth swallows me, immediately reminding me this was where I belonged.
To say I wasn’t nervous would be a massive understatement. I didn’t know how Logan would take it when I told him that Julian had found us, that he had been sending me emails for months now. I replay his words in my mind, a mantra reminding me that Logan would understand. Or I at least hope he would.
I walk out onto the patio, my sandals landing against the gray concrete. Leaves have started to yellow and brown, peppering the trees with color. An early sign that fall was coming. My foot crushes the few leaves that have fallen on the ground as I make my way toward Logan.
Hearing me, Logan twists in his seat, glancing over his shoulder. His entire body visibly sags with relief. I didn’t text him on my way home, wanting to allow myself a few moments to go over how this conversation would go. I still wasn’t entirely sure what happened between him and Natalie. I’d replayed each scenario and each picture, searching for clues as to how he had kept her a secret from me. I was aware there was
