“What does that mean?”
“It means, I think it would be easier on our relationship if I stayed with hockey, but when it came down to it, I realized that’s not what I want. I really do want to move on and try something else, but I’d be an idiot to walk away from the money I make, without a plan.”
“Seems to me, you’ve talked about and analyzed and considered this from every angle except the one that actually matters.”
“Which is?”
“Actually doing something.”
“Well, yeah, but what can I do? I have a season left on my contract with the Sidewinders and it’s not like they’ll let me do an internship at the FBI.”
He chuckled. “No, but you could do something like that here.”
“I could?” It had never occurred to me I could do anything but play hockey until the season was over.
“Why not? I wouldn’t send you on anything dangerous, but I get tons of jobs for one night, protecting this socialite or that rock star when he’s in town and needs a little backup. I could take you with me on the next couple of assignments so you could observe, take a little time to soak it in from the front lines, so to speak.”
“You’d do that for me?” I felt the first glimmer of hope, as if something was actually coming together.
“Why not? I’m not going to pay you, though.” He gave me a grin and I laughed.
“I’m good with that.”
“Do you shoot?”
I grimaced, shaking my head. “BB guns and the like, but I don’t have much experience with weapons.”
“Well, lucky for you, I have a shooting range here in the building and I’m happy to teach you if you’d like to learn. I provide the weapons; you pay for the ammunition.”
“Deal.”
“I’ve seen you fight on the ice, but how are your fighting skills beyond that?”
I paused. “I think I can hold my own, but I’ve never been in a situation where it was life-or-death.”
“There’s a trainer at the gym who specializes in self-defense. His name is Kyle Burton. Look him up and set up some lessons. He’s expensive but one of the best. If you want an overview of what this life is like, this is where you start. I understand hockey season starts soon, and that’s all right. We can practice shooting when you have days off and I can work around your travel schedule if you feel like you want to continue once we’re a couple of months in.”
“I really appreciate this,” I said, holding out my hand to him. “This is the first opportunity I’ve had to actually try something out, so I can move forward with a handful of experience instead of considering everything theoretically.”
“Glad to do it. Jamie and Viggo both say you’re good people, and Lennox likes you as well, so I’m happy to help.”
“Thank you.” We talked for a few more minutes, I shook his hand again, and then headed to pick up Isla. Hopefully, she’d be as happy about this as I was, though I had a feeling she wouldn’t be. Deep in my gut, I didn’t think Isla was even remotely interested in me becoming some sort of bodyguard and I didn’t know why. Maybe it was time to ask her.
19
Isla
One thing Dax and I had in common was our love of being at home. We enjoyed going out on occasion, seeing friends, and we’d had a blast on our holiday in London, but cooking, watching movies and puttering around the apartment seemed to be where we were happiest. We cooked together any night we were home, and though we spent a considerable amount of time having sex, we also talked a lot. There was nothing better than the two of us settling on the couch, having a glass of wine and chatting about everything.
Even when things had been a bit strained between us, we could talk about anything. Our travels, the people he met over the years in hockey, and sometimes we even got into deep discussions about black holes. He was fascinated by them, and after weeks of being together, he’d learned enough to ask intelligent questions that sometimes allowed me to draw upon my training for the answers.
I’d known it would be like this between us because there had been glimpses of it before we got involved. Summer nights hanging out at the house, chatting until late in the night, or hanging out at bars after a game I’d come to see, where we didn’t need to get drunk to find common ground.
All of this made what was currently happening between us that much more confusing. How could I love him so much, and get along so well, but be so conflicted about making a go of it long-term? It made no sense, not even to me, and I longed to pour my heart out to my twin. I would see him tomorrow, though, and I hoped I could have him to myself for a little while because I desperately needed someone to talk to who understood.
“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Dax asked me as we started to make dinner.
“The truth?” I asked, without looking up from where I was chopping vegetables for a stir-fry.
“Of course.”
“I’m wondering why it’s so hard for us to move forward with our relationship when everything is so lovely and easy when we’re together.”
“I don’t know,” he responded quietly. “I wish I did.”
We were a mess, going back and forth all the time, and I didn’t know how to fix this. Mostly, I wanted to get away from him for a little while. I almost couldn’t wait to get back to Edinburgh, where everything was familiar and I’d be able to breathe a little bit. Not that Dax was smothering me in any way, but there were so many issues we needed to resolve so we could be together, and the only proffered resolutions included me making huge sacrifices. Which didn’t seem fair. It would be equally unfair to
