I didn’t have any time to talk with Ian until the party at Toli’s house on Saturday. He and his wife, Tessa, had a large, beautiful home and four busy children that didn’t even include Toli’s adult son, Anton. I’d met Tessa a few times in the family lounge after games, and Toli and I had said hello once or twice, but I didn’t really know them, so I spent a little time in the kitchen with Tessa before wandering back to the party in search of my twin. I knew many of the people that were there and it was more comfortable than I’d thought it would be. Dax and Ian were both close to Tore, Royce and Zaan, and I’d spent time with them over the years. I’d also hung out with Lexi and Royce’s wife Tina at the wedding, so I gravitated toward them when Dax disappeared with a few of his mates, including my brother.
“So how’s it going?” Tina asked. “You and Dax were so cute together at the wedding. Have things gone well since then?”
I managed a soft smile. “Sometimes.”
“Uh-oh.” Lexi grimaced. “Trouble in paradise?”
“Not trouble, but it’s complicated,” I said. “I have a career in Scotland and he has hockey here in North America. As a college professor, and working scientist, I can’t just up and move every time he’s traded, you know?” It was easier to talk in terms of Dax staying with hockey. Everything else would be too much for a conversation at a party like this. Not to mention, his plans to potentially change careers wasn’t public knowledge.
“Are you breaking up?” Lexi’s voice dropped.
I didn’t know the answer to that question, and didn’t want to lie, so I shrugged instead. “I hope not. I’m leaving next weekend and I guess we’ll see what happens.”
“I’m sorry,” Tina said quietly. “But maybe it’s a good thing. You know what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder. Royce and I broke up for months before he got his shit together and came after me.”
“Zaan and I broke up for years, on and off,” Lexi said. “And then one day it was like, why are we doing this? Let’s just make it work. Believe me, no one understands separation and careers that take you on opposite paths more than we do. He has to be here—I’m going to be going on tour again either later this year or next year. It won’t be easy, but we’re determined to make it work.”
“Well, you’re married now,” I said lightly. “It makes a difference.”
Lexi cocked her head. “Would a piece of paper and a ring on your finger make that much of a difference in your situation? I mean, it did for Zaan and me, but only because we kept breaking up, like we’d get tired of the fight and just say fuck it. But now, we can’t. And anyway, we’d been talking about getting married since we were literally eighteen and nineteen.”
“You think I should propose then?” I teased, hoping to lighten the mood.
“You never know!” The three of us were still laughing as Everly approached us.
“Am I missing any good gossip?” she asked, linking her arm through mine. “It feels like Ian and I were on our honeymoon forever!”
“Must be nice,” Lexi said, shaking her head. “Some of us had to get back to work.”
“That’s a choice, girlfriend,” Everly told her. “I chose to put Ian above my job, no matter how much I love it. I can find another job; I’ll never find another Ian.”
I looked away, staring outside at the patio where Dax and several of the guys were laughing and carrying on. Would I ever find another Dax? Or another man I loved as much as I loved him? That was the real question and I’d thought of very little else lately.
“Ian and I want to have you and Dax over to the house before you go,” Everly was saying to me. “I’m sorry we haven’t been able to spend much time together. Ian said something about the two of you doing breakfast or something?”
I smiled. “That was our thing while we were at Harvard. Once a week, no matter what was going on or how early we had to get up, we made a point to meet for breakfast and catch up on everything going on.”
“Well, I think that’s his plan for you one day next week.”
“I’ll be looking forward to it. It was our thing in high school too, before he left to come to the States.”
“That’s so sweet,” Everly said. “I love watching the two of you. I didn’t have any siblings growing up, much less a twin, so I think it’s fascinating how close you are and how you always know what the other is thinking.”
“Not always,” Ian said, joining us and pressing a soft kiss on his wife’s cheek, even as he slid an arm around each of us.
“So, breakfast next week?” I asked him once conversation moved to other things.
“Seems like you need to talk,” he said, meeting my gaze.
“You have no idea.”
“Well, then we definitely need to do breakfast.” He squeezed my arm and headed in the other direction as someone called to him.
Watching everyone moving from group to group, for the first time I felt a little lost. Not because I didn’t fit in, but because I could if I wanted to. I knew many of the wives and girlfriends, I was close to several of Dax and Ian’s teammates, and they were all the type of people I’d be happy to spend time with. They were nice, they cared about each other and had each other’s backs, from what I’d seen and heard, and everyone here belonged. Not just because they were married or in a relationship, but because they made a point of being part of each other’s lives
