Up until two months ago, I’d thought I had it too. I had a successful career, a family I was close to, a handful of good friends, and of course, a twin brother with whom I could share anything. I loved my work, even if teaching bored freshman had begun to grow a bit tedious, and I had my looks, my health, and money. What else could a girl want?
The answer, of course, was a man to love her and a close group of friends with whom to share the adventures of life. I couldn’t articulate it beyond that and the more I looked around, the more I realized I didn’t have it in any way, shape or form. Now that we were older, though I was close to my brothers, we were beginning to scatter. Finn was off to law school in London, Mac had a girlfriend, and Liam and Lachlan worked crazy hours at the firm. We rarely spent quality time together, and I worked so many hours, I almost never saw my friends.
And yet, with all of this in mind, I was going back to Scotland and leaving the man I loved. What the hell was wrong with me?
Ian and I met for breakfast two days later and it was nice that it was just the two of us. It had been ages since we’d spent time together like this and though I loved Everly, I hoped this wouldn’t be the last time.
“You look like a lass with a lot on her mind,” he said, once we’d ordered.
“I’m a numpty, right?” I demanded, meeting his eyes, essentially daring him to agree with me.
“This is definitely a trick question,” he said, lifting his coffee cup. That was filled with coffee?
I was momentarily distracted. “When did you start drinking coffee?”
“At Harvard,” he said dryly. “Now stop trying to change the subject. Why, exactly, are you a numpty?”
“Because I’ve waited two years for that best friend of yours to love me, and now that he does, I’m leaving.”
Ian didn’t say anything, merely continued to sip his coffee, waiting for me to continue.
“And on top of that, he wants to leave hockey.”
“Yeah, he mentioned it, but didn’t have a lot of specifics. Does he have a better idea what he wants to do now?” Ian looked genuinely concerned.
I told him what I knew and he listened, mostly quiet, letting me finish.
“Nothing?” I asked, when I finally stopped talking.
“It’s a lot to take in, but the most burning question I have is why does his decision to leave hockey have anything to do with you and how you feel about each other?”
“Well, because…” I frowned, trying to pull my thoughts together. “Because I can’t just leave my job!”
“Why not?”
“What do you mean, why not? How would that look?!” The words came out in a rush and I glared at him.
“To whom?” he asked quietly.
“Everyone! What’s wrong with you? Would you have left hockey to follow Everly around and carry her camera?” Everly was a photojournalist.
“Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate and I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
“That’s a lie,” I countered.
He shook his head. “I love her. If that was the only way for us to be together, then yes, I would have. Maybe not immediately; I would have talked with her about doing a long-distance thing until I finished my current contract, but I absolutely would have.”
“It’s different for me,” I ground out after a moment. “I don’t have a backup career like you do. You can leave hockey and become an attorney full-time. If I leave science, what would I do? Sit home and make babies?”
“If that makes you happy, why not?”
“But it doesn’t.”
“From what I’ve gathered from our conversations over the last year, teaching freshman physics doesn’t make you happy either.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out because he was right. Wanker.
I’d been going through the motions with my classes, when my heart longed to dive into black holes, more black holes, and everything black holes. It sounded ridiculous, but I loved everything about them and my research reflected that. Teaching introductory physics was nothing but a paycheck, but I couldn’t have one without the other because that was how the university system worked. And if I moved to Vegas, I’d be starting over.
“I’ve worked hard to get where I am,” I said aloud.
“You don’t have to convince me,” he said, cutting me off. “I know all that. What I don’t know is why you got involved with Dax in the first place if you weren’t willing to compromise? You didn’t possibly think he would just leave hockey? Whether he’s a hockey player, works for the FBI, or decides to join a motorcycle gang, you’d still have to leave Scotland.”
“There are motorcycle gangs in Scotland,” I murmured, looking away.
“Talk to me, Isla. You know you’ll always come first before friends, but this was a shitty thing to do to Dax.”
“I haven’t done anything!” I protested, but it sounded lame even to me.
“You’re going to go back to Edinburgh without a plan, right? You’re not breaking up with him or creating a fuss, you’re just going to bury yourself in your work until something happens so you can be together.”
“That’s not true,” I whispered, though tears stung my eyelids.
“Isn’t it?”
“I don’t know what to do!” I said, swiping at my eyes. “I love him, but I get sick to my stomach even thinking about leaving my research to be a stay-at-home mum or the like. Literally sick to my stomach.”
“There are colleges and science labs in the U.S.,” he said gently.
“I’d have to start over somewhere. No tenure, no reputation, nothing. I’m almost thirty years old and don’t bloody want to start
