Jim’s lips twitched. “No. I never heard about that.” Yeah, no wonder he got dumped for Eric. Eric was a fun, interesting, comforting, genuine kind of guy. “But I will bring you some candy and pop.”
“Don’t tell Kathy. Even if you’d like to get some kind of revenge on me, please don’t make it that.”
It was impossible not to smile at Eric, although, he wasn’t totally kidding. His smile faded. “No. Seriously she takes it away from me… I need it. Really bad, man.”
“Okay. Okay. I’ll get you your drug. No plans for revenge. I’m a man of God, remember?” It was a long time since Jim felt so frivolous. Kidding around. His early life didn’t provide much to joke about and he never had a casual, easy relationship with anyone really. Kathy maybe. Sometimes. But he was usually uptight and honestly, he brought out her anxiety. Two pillars of propriety who ignited discomfort in each other.
“I remember. You can’t imagine the guilt I suffered from.”
“Yeah. I think I can imagine.” He rose with the chess board in hand. “It gives me a few moments of pleasure. That, in many ways, is the best revenge.”
Eric winced and then laughed out loud. “Touché. You got me. But know this: I never meant to. Not to you. Once I got over you calling me a thug and a Russian hitman, I liked you and tried not to…”
“Desire my fiancée?”
“That’ll never sound okay. But yes. That.”
Jim felt happy. He was glad to laugh over a situation that could have been heartbreaking and awkward, even driving some people to anger, rage and revenge. But knowing he didn’t feel any of those things only further illustrated that he didn’t really love Kathy. He frowned while trying to place one of Eric’s comments. “When did I call you a Russian hitman and a thug?”
“The first time you saw me as Kathy’s newest bodyguard. I didn’t like being stereotyped. Been called big and dumb for my entire life.”
Jim tilted his head with wonder. This huge, muscle-bound man with all the looks, charm, personality, and easy interaction with others, including women, especially his fiancée, had insecurities? Jim was surprised by it because he didn’t know. People asked for his advice regarding religious or faith-based doubts, insecurities and questions. Many believed they were not “good enough” to receive God’s grace, or their approach to prayer and worship weren’t “right” so they came to him for absolution, clarity, and advice. Jim tried to explain that wasn’t a problem. All are loved by God exactly as they are.
But this was Eric telling him what he said that made Eric feel bad. Like a friend might tell another friend?
“I don’t even remember saying that. But I’ll say this: I never thought you were dumb. Not once. Realizing that Kathy liked you didn’t dawn on me for way too long, looking back now. But you being dumb? No.”
Eric smiled. “That means a lot coming from you, Jim.”
It felt nice to know that Eric cared about what Jim thought, without the context and capacity of a spiritual advisor. Turning to leave, Jim paused and glanced back with one last question. “May I ask you something?”
“You may ask me ten things. Nothing much going on here.” He indicated his stretched-out body.
“Why did my impression of you mean so much?”
Eric cocked an eyebrow up and replied, “Jim Zavarian, how do you not know that you’re the most intelligent person I ever met? I mean, really? We all think that. Me. Kathy. Rob, Rebecca, Kayla… You get the picture. You never knew that?”
Kayla’s name made him wince. He couldn’t fathom all of them sharing some kind of consensus about him being smart.
“I didn’t imagine that. No.”
“You’re a good guy. I’m not half as good for what I did. But I want you to know I’ll never forget how decent you were in this situation. And with me. Even today. Please come back. I wasn’t kidding when I said I really like you. I enjoy your company. I love your sermons but I just love Kathy a little more.”
He tilted his head in curiosity. “You love Kathy?”
He glanced away. “Well, I haven’t announced it yet. But I wouldn’t have done all that for a fling. I mean, it was pretty extreme for me. Went against my personal ethics and all that. So it’s kinda pivotal.”
Grabbing the doorknob, Jim unlocked it and said, “I’m glad to hear that. I want her to find true love. I guess, once I realized we didn’t have that… well, there’s no one who deserves it more than she does.”
“Well, shit, Jim. What about you? You do too. You wouldn’t be happy in a loveless marriage. So remember that. You deserve to find love too.”
He wasn’t eloquent. Eric couldn’t spin words into poetry like Jim could. Jim had a gift: the ability to string words together into a beautiful symphony that could last an hour. His prayers to God were ten minutes long. Soothing words of poetry and sentiment, with meaningful quotes, stories and scriptures woven in. Just the right amount of morality to avoid being boring and sanctimonious while getting his message across.
Yet, Eric’s simple statement was the clearest message Jim ever received.
And no one ever told Jim that before.
Well, they did about God’s love, yes. But human love? No, not particularly.
Jim nodded. With a quick smile, he answered, “Thank you, Eric.”
“Bye, Jim. Come back. And don’t forget the pop and candy.”
He stepped out as he waved and promised, “Pop and candy.”
Closing the door behind him with a click, he smiled again. When he turned towards the front door, he stopped short. Startled.
Kayla?
She stood in the entryway right where he prepared to step. Her eyes were huge and her mouth turned into a frown. Was she shocked? Surprised? Indifferent? Uncaring?
His stomach flipped and his hands fisted. What should he say? How should he act? Why was this so
