All he could think about since their night together was every single feeling he had during every single moment of it. He relived it often in graphic detail, the memory of everything they did.
Her hair fell loose and free around her face. She looked so casual and sexy, he remembered why he always picked a fight with her. It was the only way he knew to deny his attraction to her. Sometimes, it slammed through him like a truck just hit him.
Jim desired her and was drawn to her in every way. Keeping her at a distance from him was the only solution he could think of. After spending only one hour beside him on his couch, look what happened?
Kayla was nice. Her brand of it. Not Kathy’s. They were distinctly different. But also, kind of the same. Kathy’s caring, concern and compassion extended to all people around her at all times. Kayla had a fierce loyalty for the people closest to her, and her honesty wasn’t always nice, but she said her opinions with integrity and truth.
Kayla was confident and real. Easy to talk to, but even easier to argue with. Fun to argue with. No one was as invigorating as Kayla Randall for sparring words. In truth, no one else really bothered to argue or discuss controversial issues with him. As pastor, he tried to project his best self. Exquisite manners, quiet demeanor, and calm reserve. He was a great listener after he learned that most people preferred to listen to themselves speak. One reason why he chose the profession he did was so he could often hear people speak their minds. His job demanded his ability to address the congregation in a convincing way. But he was always polite, formal, and professional. He rarely discussed his personal feelings and opinions. He was a master with abstract, theoretical concepts by using anecdotal experiences to illustrate the point he wanted the people to understand. But offering his own experiences for discussion? Never. No. That wasn’t how Jim related to others. He couldn’t really relate to anyone on a personal basis. He lacked something.
Luckily, few people noticed. Except Kayla.
Annoying, smart, in-his-face, nice, and always right there, Kayla.
He managed to break every vow he had over her. So he had to go now. Get away before it all just spontaneously happened again. It wasn’t Kayla’s fault. It was just how things were.
Head tilted, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “What are you doing here?”
Crap! She had no idea? Did she think he came to see Kathy? Or worse, to see her?
“Uh, for Eric. Promised I’d teach him how to play chess.”
Her eyebrows knitted together and she tilted her face the opposite way. “You and Eric? Kathy’s Eric?” She tilted her head again like a dog would. “Teach him chess?”
“Yes.” There was no more to say. It was true.
“But Eric? You and Eric?”
He bristled. “You said I needed to find a friend, right?” He instantly regretted his sharp tone. Why did he do that? She just… everything disturbed him about her. She was just that kind of girl. Smart, pretty, popular, liked by everyone, everywhere she went.
Her mouth opened, then closed. A small smile touched her lips. “I did. I did say that.”
“I… I should go now.”
“Right.” She stepped to the side and he started past her. His arm brushed hers and the weird energy that radiated off her seemed to zap him. How stupid that was, since people don’t have connections like that.
“Hey, Jim?”
Well past her now, he could shut his eyes for a brief moment without her seeing. He was almost free. He didn’t grab her. He didn’t say anything needy or sad or embarrassing… right? No. He was sure he hadn’t.
“What?” He winced, again with the too harsh tone.
“Did you go back to the church?”
His shoulders sagged. Oh, yeah. All that shit they endured together. He faced her. “Yes. We decided to rip out all the flooring and redo the whole room. It’ll be closed for awhile.”
Solemn now, she nodded with a sympathetic twist of her mouth. “That’s good. I mean, at least you don’t have to go right back inside there.”
Something snapped in his head. Would she start coming to church now? As a weird thing to do with him? “You’re not going to come now, are you?”
“What?”
“To the services? I mean, you never did before. Not more than once or twice… you won’t now, right?”
Her face collapsed and her jaw jutted out. “Just when I start to think you’re not that bad. Socially awkward and totally unaware? Or just too smart to notice what you say and do? You always manage to do it. You turn into the ass I know you truly are. Don’t worry, Pastor Jim. I won’t go there. I won’t sully your good—but might I add—fake name and reputation. That’s what you’re so worried about, huh? Not how I might be doing? You know, I witnessed the whole mess too. I experienced it with you. You’re being… fuck. Just leave.” She brushed past him and hurried down the hallway before she disappeared.
Surprised at her outburst and the level of anger simmering there, Jim thought crap! He detected the hurt in her tone, expressions and words, and he realized his mistakes. He never considered she’d have feelings over what happened between them. Much less, that the fearless, fiery Kayla might have insecurities? Sensitive feelings regarding sex? With him? Or about seeing him?
Of course, he knew she was traumatized too. He simply meant that if she decided to come to church, she might tell the congregation what he did and how he did it. Yeah, he was a true chicken but he had to save some face.
Now he’d epically bungled it. He hurt Kayla’s feelings too. He didn’t see that coming. Didn’t mean
