She nodded vigorously in half apology and half agreement, before gulping down the food hastily and speaking again. “Tomorrow, after school, can I not come home directly? This girl who just transferred in our school recently needs a tour.”
He raised a brow at Carmen. “And you volunteered? Being a tour guide doesn’t sound like you.”
Carmen only shrugged in response. “Somebody else will be the guide. I’m just tagging along, playing the role of the Good Samaritan and welcoming her here with open arms.” She grinned at the end, making her father chuckle and shake his head.
“Yeah okay, go ahead and have fun,” he replied, smiling slightly. “Don’t stay out too late, though.”
“Oh, don’t worry, we’d probably be back by ten, maybe even before that.”
“That’s good.” Her father nodded, staring at her for a while with fondness before his eyes recognised his wife’s features in his daughter’s and he had to turn away.
Carmen saw his heart break one more time, the way he had to avert his eyes from looking at his own daughter for a time longer than he could take. In that moment, all she wanted was to stop being a living reminder of the dead woman.
•••
Carmen’s bones felt a little heavy that morning as she walked through the school gates, across the grounds, and into the building. But it was more than exhaustion in her bones—it felt deeper, more intense somehow. Like she was tired in her soul.
“Carmen, wait!”
Her head turned towards her left, and her eyes landed on Isla who was walking up to her from behind with a tight smile on her face. Immediately, she pushed away her own exhaustion and lit her face up with a welcoming grin, hoping it’d take away the weariness that seemed to be present in the electric blue eyes of the other girl.
And it did. Carmen saw it in the way Isla’s posture instantly softened and in the way her tight smile eased into a relaxed one instead.
Miraculously—even though Carmen didn’t believe in miracles— she felt her own exhaustion lessen in its volume. As if lifting someone else’s spirits with a mere smile had succeeded in nipping away at the heaviness in her bones and making her feel a bit lighter somehow.
“Hello, Isla.” She resumed walking when the other girl had caught up with her. “How can I help you?”
“Um,” Isla began. “Well, see…you’re…”
Carmen placed her hand on Isla’s, bringing them both to a gentle stop in their walk down the hallway. “I don’t bite, Isla.” She smiled softly. “What is it?”
“Why are you so nice to me?” Isla blurted, yanking her hand away from Carmen’s hold and folding her arms across her chest, her body going into a defensive mode within the blink of an eye.
Carmen’s lips parted, but she didn’t know what to say right then. The hostility hardening Isla’s eyes wasn’t understandable, not to her. “I…I don’t know why that’s upsetting you,” Carmen said quietly, her hand reaching for the chain around her neck and tugging at it.
Isla closed her eyes for several seconds, breathing heavily, before she opened them and looked at her with slight weariness. “I’ve never been on the receiving end of it that much,” she admitted, voice clipped and palms clenched into tight fists. Carmen winced at her balled-up palms, worrying about the nail indents that might be engraved into her skin later on.
Carmen thought of going home today and draw palms with crescent like indents on them. Maybe she’ll paint a heart that was cracked into two halves the way her own heart was breaking now listening to Isla’s words about not having others be nice to her.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said honestly. “I don’t understand people sometimes.” Or maybe she did. Maybe Carmen did understand people and how twisted some minds could become. In a way, it was that what scared Carmen the most.
“It’s all right.” Isla shrugged, but Carmen didn’t see the nonchalance conveyed by her shrug there. No, Carmen’s eyes saw the weight of the world sitting atop Isla’s shoulders. She saw the struggle when Isla lifted her shoulders as if it weighed too much, and the exhaustion when the girl dropped them back down, as if she was being pulled under yet again. Isla wasn’t all right as she claimed to be.
Then again, how many times had Carmen smiled and said she was fine herself when in reality all she wanted to do was go to sleep forever?
Forever. It seemed like a nice idea. Eternity wrapped up in a pretty little bow until you pulled one end of the knot, and everything came undone.
“Actually, there was something I wanted to give my parents as a going away present,” Isla explained, smiling slightly as her hard exterior softened up again and she let her arms fall to her side. “And I need your expertise for it.”
Carmen blinked, surprise dawning over her features. “Are you switching schools?”
Isla just laughed, shaking her head. “Of course not, but I will be going away for college, and it’s so far it might as well be on the other side of this world. I won’t get to see them as often as I’d like, so I want to leave behind something for them to remember me by.” She ran a hand through her blonde hair, shooting Carmen a quick smile. “Tell anyone I’m a sentimental fool, and I’ll kill you in your sleep.”
Laughter burst out of Carmen, causing a few sleepyheads to snap in their direction as if they were wondering which sane person could be so jovial this early in the morning.
“But what do you need me for?” Carmen inquired once her laughter had died, and the ghost of it lingered in her voice. “And we’ve only begun senior year. Why are you planning a gift this early?”
