Not that I want others to pay her attention. Or kindness because if they’re kind, they’ll worm a way into her heart.
Her heart? Why am I thinking about that? And I’m a terrible Novan for not wanting others to treat her with kindness.
She looks at me curiously, and I realize she’s waiting for an answer.
“Yes, yes, I’m sure. Go ahead.” I nod to her, and once she’s walked away, I shake my head at myself. Who am I? Why has she turned me all up inside? It’s as if I don’t even know who I am anymore. I just want to be able to be myself, but is that possible when she has me questioning everything?
Maybe I can go talk to the overlord. Maybe he’ll understand and let me be a breeder.
No. No, he won’t, and if he suspects that the motivation behind my asking is because of a certain female and one that I already fucked, he will not only decline my ask for a transfer, but he’ll assign me to another post as far away from the females as can be.
I can’t have that. No. I need to put Callie out of my head. I need to not worry about her, not think about her at all.
Fat chance of that. I turn back around to survey the room, and the moment I spy a brown-haired female, I immediately double-check to ensure she’s not Callie.
I’m ruined.
No. I can't be. I have to perform my duties, and I need to stick to the ones that I'm assigned to.
Only, that's not easy. In fact, it's agony. I almost want to be assigned to a different floor, so I don't have to see Callie's door.
But then, the next day, as I try to ignore her but can’t truly, I see a breeder knock on Callie’s door. As much as I want to march down there and pretend that the breeder is needed elsewhere, I can’t. He’s just doing his job, and so is she. I can’t blame her for this.
I can’t blame anyone but myself.
This is all my fault. I shouldn't have gone into her room. No, I shouldn't have done anything with Shawnta on my first day.
No. The fault is mine. I had been weak with Shawnta, but it took Callie to show me true weakness.
When the door finally opens, and the breeder leaves, I want to go and check on Callie to see if she’s all right, but another ovian breeder jumps in and goes into her room.
What the ovian!
I can't handle this. I know it's wrong, and I know I should be better than this, but I can't let Callie go. I have to. Whatever hold she has over me has to end, and the best way to handle that is by being with someone else.
So I listen at the doors, hating myself for every second of it. Not the first door. Not the second. The third…
I knock.
The door opens, and a female stands before me. I don't really see her. I don't see her at all. All I see is Callie, and even though the female smells differently, I close my eyes and pretend.
After, I hate myself even more because I feel as if I betrayed Callie. Which is ridiculous. Callie and I can never be together.
I only fucked her once. Why does she mean so much to me?
She’s so ovian vulnerable. If she ever found out what I did…
But she shouldn’t. She shouldn’t care about me.
This is all my fault, and the worst part of all is that I didn't just fuck Callie. I overheard a few of the females explaining to breeders about the different categories of sex that the Earthlings use. There's fucking, which is when you just fuck a person for gratification. Then, there's having sex, which is a little more meaningful, but what means the most is making love.
I can’t say that what Callie and I shared had been making love, but it hadn’t been fucking. I know that much.
Honestly, I'm the one who's fucked.
Ovian.
6
Callie
All the way back to my room, I can’t stop thinking about Adir. I know I shouldn’t. He’s a guard and all of that, and when he asked me that question and I interrupted before he could finish, I was so afraid he just was using me for sex.
But when he added, “alone,” I knew he meant it. He wasn’t just saying it to try to backtrack. He honestly had been looking out for me.
It wasn’t fucking. Not with him. It had meant more.
I almost regret not letting him kiss me now.
It’s such a small thing. A kiss. People kiss all the time. It’s not as if I’ve never kissed someone before, but I haven’t kissed Novan lips yet, even though I’ve spread my legs for several breeders now.
And Adir.
Spreading my legs. I hate that term, but it's the truth. I haven't been doing my part. Yes, I'm letting the Novans ejaculate inside me, but that's not going to get me pregnant. It won't. It's not enough. I have to orgasm, and none of them have been able to get me to come except for Adir. Not only that, but there's also the issue of falling in love. Now that I think about it, I'm not quite sure I have to fall in love with him or if we both have to love each other. It probably has to deal with hormones and making the likelihood of the two species being able to impregnate the woman.
Pregnant.
Thankfully, no one knocks on my door for the rest of the day. When I climb into bed to sleep, the first thing I do is cuddle beneath the blanket Adir brought me, and then I realize the bed still smells like us.
No wonder he said that Novans can smell arousal.
I'm a little embarrassed, but also, it's a bit of a turn on too, to lie here and know that I actually had some pleasure in this bed for once.
I toss
