My fists clench and turn white from the strain as I pace inside the kitchen. My nostrils flare as I force deep breaths through my nose trying to settle the monster that lingers just under the surface, wanting to rage out in retaliation before I lose what small control I had regained. I know I should check on Liliana, ensure she is okay, but refuse to until I have full control over myself again.
She still hasn’t come back inside. I can see her out on the balcony, looking out over the city though not as close to the edge as before. Taking deep breaths as I focus on control, I slowly start to reclaim my sanity.
Being drawn to check on her I go back to the doorway. Standing there for a moment I watch her as she holds herself, her back turned to me. “Are you going to try to throw me off the ledge again?” Her voice is small and meek compared to its usual presence that surrounds me.
Well at least she listened to my warning, noticing my arrival.
“I was not going to throw you off the ledge.”
“I am not so sure about that. I saw it in your eyes. You enjoyed it.” Coming a little closer to her though still giving her distance, I look over as I debate on whether or not to lie to her.
“You're right, a part of me did enjoy it. Though I didn’t enjoy it being you in particular. There is a part of me that enjoys causing panic and dismay in others, but for some reason I don’t enjoy seeing it in you.” I say voicing the foreign statement. “But you need to know that there is a threat that lies just under my exterior, and I do not always have control over it.” Finally she turns to look at me. Some of the dread has faded from her expression. “Come here.”
She hesitates for a moment before she crosses the distance to me. Looking down at my feet instead of up to my face, much like the first day we had met. When all she had was fear for me. Reaching down I gently place a finger underneath her chin, tilting it upward until I can see her face. “You don’t need to fear me Liliana, you just need to know when not to provoke me. I restrain myself around you and while I am able to stop myself from harming you, I don’t know what I would do if I lost that control with you.” I am rewarded with silence as she just looks up at me. “I need to know you understand Lil. I need to protect you, keep you safe from any threats. That includes myself, but I cannot do that when you don’t understand the monster you need to be careful of.” Still not saying anything she nods at me. “No, I need you to say you understand.”
“I understand.” Her voice is serious, not a drop of defiance. Knowing she realizes what and who I am, I feel a little better.
“Let's go back inside.” Leading her into the house as I internally berate myself for having lost control with her, for causing her such dismay.
She will learn. She will have to. Entering the kitchen I open the fridge to see what meals are stocked in the fridge. “Would you like something to eat?”
“No I am not really hungry but thank you.” I look back up at her over the door of the fridge, watching her expression.
“You should eat something, you haven’t eaten all day.”
“Not true, I had two helpings of fruit salad.” Rolling my eyes at her, glad to see her teasing nature is coming back as she begins to feel safe again back inside.
“Lil, wine is not considered fruit salad.”
“It should be.” She shrugs leaning back against the island's countertop. Letting go of the door, it slowly swings closed as I go to her. I catch a flicker of weariness in her eyes as she watches me approach her.
Good. She needs to be careful who she trusts. Her eyes hold a slight distrust as she watches my advances. I see her body lean back slightly as some of her hair falls over her shoulder. Reaching out I grab a piece of her wine like hair, gently tucking it into place behind her ear.
“Do you know how much you affect me?” I ask. Knowing she won’t reply I dip my head placing my lips on her throat as I brush her hair away from her neck. I feel her pulse spike under my touch. “You have no idea how much relief I feel at finally having you here with me.” I glide my hand up the back of her neck intertwining my fingers in her hair tugging down with just enough force to lift her lips up towards mine. Leaning down, my hand still in her hair I kiss her lips. Forcing myself to be gentle after earlier even though I want to be anything but.
Slowly moving my lips against her, it's not long until I feel her getting comfortable as her tongue peeks out to caress my own. Parting my lips to give her access to explore, allowing her to take the lead this time. She moves her mouth with mine, tasting me with her own. I am amused as I feel her pick up the pace before matching the movements she makes. With my leg positioned between hers, I shift forward, causing it to push against her.
“Nico,” she breathes out. I hear the arousal in her breathy tone. My self control slips as a deep possessiveness rears up, liking the sound of my name on her lips in such a way. Releasing her head, I drop my hands to the back of her thighs, hoisting her up I set her onto the counter. She digs her feet into the back of my own legs pulling me into her.
