“Let’s go to the library then,” I offered, as I stood. I realized something was seriously off with Hudson when the energy didn’t dance between us, and he was one big ball of anger.
And it was pointed at me.
That hadn’t ever happened before.
It actually scared me. I shrank away from him, and he reacted like I’d slapped him, easing down a bit. He was chuffing as I hurried towards the library, his larger steps easily eating up mine.
I opened the door and let him in, and somehow I blinked and the door was closed, I was pressed against it, and he was trapping me there.
And trying to kiss me.
“Stop,” I rasped as I ducked him.
“You will for him, but not me?” he growled, sounding pained as he shook. “Why? Why, Tamsin? Why are my sins so much worse? I know you love him and not me, but—is what I did so much worse that you can forgive him and not me?”
I was so shocked by his behavior it took me a few moments to catch up to what he was saying. I moved my hands to his chest and pushed, relief filling me when he was Hudson enough to move back a bit. “What did he tell you?”
“Nothing,” he snarled. “I smelled you on him.”
Oh fuck. Just fuck. Yeah, that would set a dragon off.
I swallowed loudly, staring at his wide chest. I opened my mouth to try and explain, but he went on.
“And then he was frantically looking for you, as if worried he was losing you again. Which meant he got you back. Why forgive him and—”
“I didn’t,” I rasped. “I didn’t forgive him. I—I… I made a mistake. I did something…” I moved my hands off of him and wiped my eyes before hugging myself. “I’m sorry you smelled that. I tried to leave before anyone did on me, but I didn’t think of him. I wasn’t in a good headspace.”
He didn’t say anything for several excruciating minutes. “You didn’t forgive him?”
“No.”
“What happened?”
“Ummm…” Shit. I didn’t know what Craftsman wanted people to know.
“I don’t need details, but I think I deserve some sort of answer when I’m doing my best—maybe I don’t because of my sins, but…” Yeah, there wasn’t a really good answer there either.
And maybe he didn’t deserve an answer or anything from me, but I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. “Something happened, and I think I saw proof he really loved me, not my magic, not that I’m a fairy that heals his hurt, or I don’t know. And then—I don’t know who started it. It was just happening. I’m sorry it hurt you. I didn’t mean for it to hurt anyone. I don’t know why I did that or what I was even doing.”
“Oh, my princess,” he whispered, reaching up and wiping tears I didn’t realize were on my cheeks.
I sniffled loudly and tried to stop them, but I could not turn off the waterworks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t forgive him. I don’t think I can. I don’t know what happened.”
“You love him. You miss him.”
The pain in his voice killed me. He didn’t say it, but what he meant was I loved and missed Craftsman… And not him.
“I don’t want to make this harder, but you seem to be under the misconception he is the only one I had deep feelings for or I miss,” I mumbled. “You crushed me too, Hudson. I wouldn’t feel that if I didn’t—I don’t know if I was in love with you, but I loved you. You were important to me and one of my closest friends, as well as my lover. Of course I miss you.”
He didn’t respond right away, making me feel stupid for admitting that and wanting to squirm. “I feel like the love songs I always thought cheesy, about not realizing you had until you lost it. I thought I was falling, and after I lost you, I realized I’d already fallen. I wanted to wait and say it right after I won you back, but I fell, Tamsin. I’m sorry for all I did, and I’m sorry how I acted today.”
“I’m not upset about today. I can’t even imagine how horrible it would be for you.”
He swallowed loudly. “You don’t owe me answers, so thank you for explaining and talking with me while you were working things out with the men who you’re with.”
Something was still up with him that I didn’t understand. It might have been cheaty, but I flipped on my telepathy.
“Why couldn’t it have been me? Whatever he did that gave him the chance to make her see he loves her—why couldn’t I have gotten that chance? Yes, I want to have her again, but he’ll worm his way back into her heart again. I want that chance. I want her heart again. I can’t keep going on being shut out like this. I don’t know how to fix this and make her see how much I love her too.
“What can I do? What can I do to fix this? I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry I fucked everything up and handled it all wrong. I wish I could prove that. I won’t take her for granted again. I won’t put figuring us out off to the back burner until she’s ready, and I understand now doing anything else will cause so much damage. I didn’t understand the damage I was doing right then by giving her time.”
“I need more time,” I whispered, answering his thoughts, even if he hadn’t said it. “I see you’re taking things more… You were always serious, but you’re understanding the consequences better. I see that. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“Is there anything I can do?” he begged, leaning
