Cole didn’t say anything, he just moved his hands to my waist and lifted me clear off the ground, out of Kyle’s hold. He lifted me to his chest and pressed me into his soft wool coat as I just sobbed.
“I’m so sorry, Babygirl. If there was anyway….anything we could do, we would.” He whispered as he held me tight and ran a soothing hand up and down my back.
“Let’s get back to the car. We can come back another day.” Kade suggested, and Cole began to move away from the tree.
“No!” I cried. “Just…...please, just wait.” I panicked at the thought of leaving. I wasn’t sure I was ready to leave. I wasn’t supposed to be there for my sake. Yes, I needed the visit too, but I went there for my Mom and Dad, to reassure them I survived, and to tell them I was doing ok. I came to apologise for trying to forget them. I came for their sake, and walking away without talking to them was just selfish.
“Liv, you’re not ready for this. Let us get you home, I promise, we will bring you another time.” Kyle almost pleaded. I looked up from where I had hidden in Cole’s arms and found all three of them before me, looking worried and unsure.
“No. We’re here now. I can’t just turn my back on them when I’m so close.” I took a deep breath and hurriedly wiped the tears from my stinging face. Time to get it together. My Mom and Dad weren’t there to hold me, but they were there, and I needed to be strong for them.
“I’m ok Cole. Put me down please.” I asked more calmly.
“Sure?” Cole pushed, and I nodded. He lowered me to the ground and I steadied myself, putting just enough weight on my casted foot to keep my balance.
“I have to do this.” I told them all when I realised they were just watching. “Can you wait over there, just give me a few minutes?” I nodded to the path we had walked up, behind them.
“Are you going to manage?” Kyle asked as he nodded to my cast.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just…..just stay close though, please?”
“You just call if you need us.” Kade said, then he put a hand on Kyle’s shoulder and led him the few yards away, to the path. I watched until they all stopped, reassured that they were near enough, then I turned to the tree, took a deep breath and moved forward a few steps. One more deep breath and I looked up fast, like tearing off a band aid.
The two stones were both black granite, with gold lettering, sat side by side. Their names were in the biggest letters at the top of each, Henry Timothy Byrd and Eliza Fiona Byrd. I read each name twice as the tears trickled down my cheeks. I tried to read what it said below, but I didn’t have the strength. The names were enough to destroy me, and I couldn’t bear to see any more. I let the tears flow for a moment or two, then made myself breathe. I was there for a reason. I needed to be strong.
“Hey guys.” I said, my voice trembling. “This isn’t how I imagined I would see you both again. I…..I’m so sorry I was never brave enough to escape, and come b-back to you while you were both…...while you were still here.” Sobs burst from me unbidden and it took me a few minutes to get control again.
“I’m so sorry I let you go.” I whispered as I fought to keep my quaking body on my feet. “It was s-so hard to remember all of the good….all of the love, when I w-was so alone and scared, so I…...I let you both go. I made myself forget and I am so…...so sorry. You never gave up, but I did and I…...I will never forgive myself for that. I should have fought harder!” The last was a hiss, anger at myself coming through. I had been so weak in The Darkness. I had just given up, never fully considering what my Mom and Dad must have been going through too. Sobs overcame me again, and my legs gave out beneath me, the shaking and my painful ankle just too much to take my weight. Fast approaching footsteps had me turning to the guys. Cole and Kyle were both running towards me, but I held out a hand, halting them.
“I’m ok.” I said as calmly as I could through my sobs. They both stopped where they were a few feet away, but didn’t retreat.
Now on my knees between the two graves, I looked back up to their names and took a cleansing breath.
“I’m doing ok. I needed you both to know that. I got taken in by some amazing foster parents, Keira and Grant. They’re not you two, but they are really nice and they really care about me. I’m sure you’d like them, and they have a house you would love Mom.” I smiled up at her name, praying they could hear me, that they were with me in some way. “That’s where I met the guys. They have taken really good care of me, and I love them, all of them. They said to tell you they’re going to take good care of me, and I know they will. They’re amazing, and Dad….you would really like them. Mom, you would too, after you
