“How d-did he die?”
“I don't know yet, Livy. The M.E will tell me what they can after the autopsy tomorrow, but because of the state of the remains when we found them, we may never actually know the true cause of death.” A sob erupted at hearing those words. I just couldn’t hold it in. I may not be able to remember for sure, but deep down I knew that young, handsome, kind man was dead because of me, because he helped me to break free, and I hated it. Chris, whoever he actually was, had a life and likely, a family. He had deserved to live far more than I had. He had actually had a life to live for. By the time I escaped, no one would have even noticed, and certainly wouldn’t have cared if I had died. My parents were gone, and there was no other family who even knew I existed. The guys would never even have known me, and so wouldn’t have missed me.
“Livy, come here, Love.” Kade cooed as he grabbed my hands and pulled me into his front. I went willingly, and crumpled against him as soon as I was close enough. I couldn't help but cry into his shirt as guilt consumed me. My escape had cost a good man his life.
“I g-got him killed, Kade.” I whimpered, my words muffled by his chest.
“No, you didn’t Olivia. Don’t talk like that. You were likely both prisoners down in that hole. You can’t feel guilty because you got away.” But I could, and I did. Maybe If I knew what happened, if I knew whether or not I had done all I could to help Chris, I could ease up on the guilt, but I didn't know. I couldn't remember a damned thing except the few flashes of him being with me. The very real fear I had run for my life and left him behind to die, was slicing me apart. Would I do that? No, now I wouldn't, I knew I wouldn't, but back then, after at least 2928 days in The Darkness; days of pain, abuse and torture, then who knew what my mind would have pushed me to do to escape?
Feeling disgusted with myself, for what I feared I had done, I pushed away from Kade, not wanting him near me, for fear I would contaminate him with my guilt.
“Livy? Talk to me.” Kade pleaded as I continued to back away from him. I had to take a deep breath to calm my sobbing enough to speak.
“I….I can’t. I just…...I need some time, alone.” Before he could respond I had turned and was fleeing to my room. I ran in and slammed the door closed behind me, turning the lock, knowing the guys wouldn't be far behind, worried about me.
Images of the worst beatings of my time in The Darkness were pushing for viewing time, as my mind ran rampant with the beating poor Chris must have received that day, a beating that cost him his life.
Falling apart at the seams, I stumbled into the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the lights, and threw myself into the bottom of the shower cubicle. I needed the safety I had felt when Matt carried me into the small space weeks before. I needed to find some calm before I got swept so far down into the abyss, that it became impossible for me to ever resurface.
I curled up in my comfort position, legs curled into my chest and my arms wrapped around them, in the bottom of the shower cubicle. The door was closed and I tried hard to convince myself there was only me in there, that all of the darkness and fear were outside those glass walls, just as Matt had told me before. I fought to breathe through the images that swamped my every thought, fought to push The Shadow’s face from my mind, but it all proved so much harder when I sat in that glass box alone. My demons, it seemed, were too strong for me to fight alone.
As if one of the guys had heard my struggle, and came running, I heard the door to my bedroom open, and heavy footsteps approaching. I knew it was Cole, because he was the only one of my guys who walked so heavily.
The screen to the shower cubicle opened, and as I looked up through my eyelashes, I found him crouched before me, the look on his face pure pain, panic and worry.
“Babygirl, I know Kade said you wanted to be alone, but I can’t….can’t stay back and leave you like this.” He said softly, and I was glad he had ignored my request and come, because I needed him. Being alone had proven to be nothing but terrifying.
“Cole...” I sobbed, not knowing how else to get across to him, just how much I needed him to pull me back from the darkness I was lost in. Luckily, that was all it took for him to know. He reached in and gathered me into his arms, pulling me tight against his chest and sitting in the shower, shutting us both in the safety of the glass walls.
“It’s ok Beautiful, I’ve got you.” He soothed, and I allowed myself to just sink into him and soak up the comfort his strength offered.
He didn’t speak again, just held me tight and rubbed a calming hand up and down my right arm, assuring me that he was there. Eventually my sobs eased off, and my tears dried up. I managed to calm my breathing and then, finally, peace overcame me as I drifted into sleep, exhausted from the episode, and positive Cole would protect me, always.
CHAPTER 17
“Slut!” The insult was hissed at me as I headed to my locker at school the next day. I had just escaped my sleep inducing AP Calculus class five minutes early, and as a result, got out before the
