Chapter 27
Lily’s POV
Somehow, I found the strength to send that message telling Shelly I would do the tour if Adrian was. Then spent the next thirty-six hours constantly changing my mind over it. Until I eventually managed to not only pack my suitcase but get on the plane and then the train to get to the first tour date. I didn’t even leave enough time to go to my hotel after the flight, I didn’t trust myself to carry on to the stadium if I did. I fell into a taxi and back out of it at the venue. Showing my battered old ID to stumble through the stage door, barely awake from jet lag. I spent the last week laying on a beach drinking rum trying to run away from everything, but in the end, I had to do this.
Shelly was waiting angrily at the stage door. “Wow, don’t you just look like a bag of shit and I need to get you stage ready within hours. Awesome,” she said rolling her eyes. “Dressing room, shower, put on the clothes I laid out for you. If you need to puke go do it prestage, you look hungover as fuck. Adetwat is the other end of the hall, you won’t see him. Now, go.”
I obeyed, too tired to do anything else. I couldn’t even find the strength to sass her back. Staring at the wreck of me in the mirror as I tried to touch up my hastily done makeup. My sunken, tired looking eyes, the weight I lost from drinking myself half to death. From forgetting to eat for days at a time. I really was a mess, maybe one that just couldn’t be fixed this time. Now even with sparkly makeup and sexy clothing. I felt empty, hollow, not like a person.
Three shots of vodka later, I could hear the soundcheck raging behind me. I knew that our song would be near the start. I had to get out there now or I would never do it when the doors went green. Shelly wasn’t there as I cracked my door open, of course not. She would be at Adrian’s side, that was her job. To make sure he was ready for the stage, the main star, not just the odd duet singer wannabe artist. He came first, he always would and maybe that was the core of our problem. He was so divorced from reality that he couldn’t see a problem with that, just like my other ex was. Adrian just did not have the ability to see how his actions affected anyone but himself. He needed that grounding of a normal life to save him from the stardom, but if I hadn’t been strong enough to be that for my ex, how could I be strong enough to save Ade from himself?
Another shot of vodka and I found myself at the door to soundcheck just as our song started. I was ready to run, to give up right here and now. A member of the crew held a mic out to me as I cracked the door open. Then I don’t know what happened, if muscle memory just kicked in or if I was just too drunk to care. I knew this song, these notes, and I knew what came next.
Without even realising what I was doing, I grabbed the microphones, put on my game face and slammed out into that arena. All my rage, all my anger pushed out into one three-minute song. Adrian looked like he was going to pass out as I joined him singing. His vocals were weaker than normal, emotion clouding his performance. I tested him, pushing him to the very limits of my vocal range. Knowing that I would pay horribly for it tomorrow, yet not actually caring. I needed to prove a point as much to myself as to him, and I was going to. This was my stage, not his, mine and I would rule it.
As the song ended, he took a step towards me daring to reach out to touch my arm as if to see if I was really there. Thinking perhaps I was some phantom of his barely functioning mind. I cursed him out, barely even registering what I was saying or him to me. I left storming back to my dressing room barely making it before I broke down.
“I can’t do this.”
Chapter 28
Adrian’s POV
After the show last night, I wasn’t even sure if Lily would carry on with the tour. Stage was as frosty as soundcheck, although I was sure the fans hadn’t noticed anything. I tried to talk to Lily after the show, but she slapped me and told me to leave her the hell alone. This was gonna be a hard few months, being so close to her, but so far away emotionally.
Her first St Paddy’s Day and in Dublin, too. I pictured it somewhat differently. Showing her the ropes, a few drinks, going out dancing, exploring the sights. Now, it was unlikely that we would even be speaking. It hurt worse than when she ignored me.
As Lily got on the tour bus, I noticed just how much she grew since I knew her. She now travelled in sweats and a baggy shirt, not jeans and comfortable clothing. Slippers, not shoes. Fluffy blanket, travel pillow, her own iPad/headphones and that teddy bear I bought her on the first day. And to top it all off, a full bag of food/snacks and sodas. Hell, I think she was slightly more prepared than I was, and I did this since my teens. I knew I should be glad that she
