“Gone for a walk, she didn’t want to see you,” Rose commented. “Not that any of us do after your bullshit.”
“Well then, I will say this to the rest of youse. I am sorry, I lost my way. I’ve let myself start becoming someone I should never have. I think I might need some help to sort myself out if youse are willing,” I stated.
“Duh, we know that, and we are trying to be here for you, man,” Callum answered, “Even fresh meat here, aren’t you Ted?”
“Always.”
Harry pulled himself away from the guy he was chatting to. “Well, I still think you are an ass, but there’s someone I think you should meet. This is Levi, we are in love.”
“Aren’t ye one of the runners, the one who replaced Lily when she moved up to singer?” I asked.
“And damn fabulous at it.” He winked, “Hi, I’m Levi. So sexy they named a brand of jeans after me, give me a chance and I will rock your world.” He looked back at Harry. “Although there is only one man I want to rock with.”
I laughed, shaking his hand. “I can see that, but my heart also belongs to someone else.”
Levi snorted,.“Yeah, good luck. She hates your guts. I have a twenty on her kicking you in the balls on stage.”
Lily stuck her head in to grab a muffin. “Eww, asshole alert, excuse me.”
“Lil, please wait. I want to apologise for yesterday.”
“Don’t bother, I am not interested in the words of an abusive drunk. Been there, done that, carry the emotional baggage still.”
“Okay, actions speak louder than words. I will give up drinking completely.”
She laughed. “Sure you will.”
“Will it help if I do?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Stopping drinking to the point you are not starting to turn into a monster would be a start. I am not bothered about drinking, but yesterday did. I didn’t need to know you could be that way. I might be angry at you over all of this shit you hid from me, but you never scared me before that. I felt like I was looking at him.”
“I felt like ye were, too. I won’t be that way, I refuse. I’m gonna fix my head, and then hopefully fix us. But, please Lily, cut back on your drinking as well. It scares me. I know the tour is tough, that all of this is, I still worry about you. I still love you and want you to be okay.”
She nodded. “I agree to try if you do.”
“That is all either of us can do.”
Chapter 30
Lily’s POV
Tour went on, a new city every day or near enough. Avoiding Adrian got a little harder each day, more gifts arrived, books, sketch pads, pencils, all sorts of art supplies. So much stuff I could hardly fit it all in my suitcase. I never once said thank you or even that they had arrived. I knew I needed to do better, but every time he came near me, I got so angry I just wanted to punch him. Or shout at him. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what I was doing today wasn’t a way to ‘get back’ at him.
I sat in the cold white hospital room next to the doctor, he explained to me what was going to happen. How important it was for my ex to resolve past problems before he could move forward in his rehabilitation. The hospital had been phoning me for months, but I did my best to dodge their calls. I gave so much to this man already, including nearly my complete and total sanity. I did not feel like I owed him anything else if anything he owed me. In the end, I had crumbled like I knew all along I would. I was just too nice a person to not give someone what they needed if it was in my power. For the sake of the man that I used to love, the man who had so long been my best friend. I snuck away from the tour on our half day to be here, although hiding the trip from everyone was difficult. I was currently ‘sick in my room with a migraine’. If they had found out, Adrian would have insisted on coming with me, if not the rest of them as well. Which would have only made the situation worse for all of us. If I was going to do this, it was better I did it alone. So only I got hurt.
My ex walked into the room, he came forward to hug me, but I pulled back. He looked hurt but sat down quietly across from me. He was just dressed in sweatpants and a loose tee shirt, but he did look a little better. Still thin, but like he was eating now. The dark circles under his eyes started to fade. I couldn’t see any visible cut or track marks. His eyes were not glassy, nor did his breath smell of anything other than mint. It was an improvement certainly.
I dressed myself in a smart black suit dress, nothing I would normally wear, but it meant I could slather on makeup, put my hair up and waste a few hours in preparation to try and still my nerves. The upcoming storm was bound to happen, I wanted to not look or feel like myself during it.
“You look good,” he commented.
“You look a little better.” I nodded.
“Are you still with Adrian?”
I nodded again. “He makes me happy.” No need for him to know we broke up and were still fighting daily over what he had told me. That was private information, nothing he deserved access to. If I could hide our personal war from the press, I could
